At ball game I received a few different texts from cute D'ed guy. H was standing next to me and saw who the texts were from, I think. Shortly thereafter H said he knew I was texting other guys and didn't feel comfortable so he was going to leave.
That's a strange reaction from your H, I mean this is the guy that wants a D and is actively engaged in an A, and he said he was leaving simply because you were texting someone? Peculiar.
Quote:
Rather than try to defend myself or explain the texts (as they were very innocent & I would have shared the content w H) I said nothing.
It's really not his business, so I don't see a problem with that. It goes along with the DB principal of being mysterious too.
Quote:
I wanted to say, "Well, maybe you feel just a .0001% of an ounce of how I've felt all these months." ...even though my texts were very innocent and not from someone who I am having an EA with!
I secretly hope that H is feeling sickened by the fact that I will have a life with another guy after him. That my life didn't end b/c he moved onto another woman. That he feels saddened and upset and all the emotions I have felt.
Sooooo, how's that detachment going? You want revenge. I understand that, we've all had a twinge of that (some more than others). But just try to remember that anger and revenge are a reflection of the pain you're feeling, and it's the pain you need to address. Your H hurt you. Hurting him back will not relieve your pain. Sort through the pain, find your way to forgiveness and the anger and desire for revenge will go away. This is a big step you have to take towards dropping the rope. You can do it, just remember it's about you, not H
Thanks, AS, you are right about the underlying pain I feel & somehow H's unhappiness actually makes me feel better. I just want him to realize and experience some of this pain so he maybe will realize that this A w OW is not the answer to his issues or lack of happiness.
Thanks, SP, I appreciate the positive thoughts! And you too, ruby!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Boston was awesome w two great dbing friends!! Can't wait to GAL with them again! You two rock!!
Interestingly the night I got home from Boston I received a late-night text from cute D'ed guy (not a booty call if there is no physicality, right???)
I did go over to his house and we talked for 3 hours!!! No physicality at all. But DEFINITELY a lot of positive body language and we talked about pretty much everything under the sun.
Don't know where this will lead. He made it very clear that he does not have a lot of time to give to a R right now--works like 55-60 hours a week and has a young son 50% of the time.
Without going into a lot of details on paper he doesn't seem right for me- esp a huge age gap. HOWEVER, I am very attracted to him...not sure how he feels about me.
He did send me this text about 2 minutes after I got home... "Too bad our R is what it is...I could really go for some snuggling right now."
I responded. "I feel the same" Him, "Well you could come snuggle"
Me- "While I would love to I would get zero sleep for my long drive tomorrow (going on a 11 hour drive w my boys) and might worry that it could/would lead to more than snuggling"
No response that night, but have been texting him a few times this week while on vaca.
Would love opinions about a potential R with him... too young? too soon? transitional R? booty call to be??? Not sure, but it feels sooooo good to be given positive attention from a very cute, young, D'ed guy--let's call him Sven!
Sorry, can't help myself! (Just in case anyone is wondering...I have boundaries regarding a new R until my D is final & at some point I may need to let Sven know what those are.)
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Hope you see your being played just a bit, your vulnerable, you want revenge, let me give you a hint. This isn't it, it would be a temporary, very temporary reprieve from your feelings, AND the guilt later would be even worse.
Give yourself some time, if he's really a good guy, he'll understand. I'd even be so bold as to ask him if he could just back away a little bit and let you process some things. You might want to ask him, since he's divorced, why his marriage failed. And see if you believe it, cause my hunch is he cheated on his wife. He seems like an awfully smooth operator. He's made every excuse why he cant be with you, but at the same time wants you over for snuggle time. impressive
"Would love opinions about a potential R with him... too young? too soon? transitional R? booty call to be??? Not sure, but it feels sooooo good to be given positive attention from a very cute, young, D'ed guy--let's call him Sven!
Sorry, can't help myself! (Just in case anyone is wondering...I have boundaries regarding a new R until my D is final & at some point I may need to let Sven know what those are.)"
Hey GTO good to hear from you. IMO , it's too soon just lay out your boundaries to him and see how he takes it...but in the meantime just enjoy the "positive attention" it's good for your self-esteem.
You sound good keep it up!
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
As long as you are aware that if anything were to come of this it would most certainly be a temporary/rebound thing then as an adult with two eyes open I really don't see the harm. If you are looking for more, or think you might get hooked on Sven post "more than snuggling" then of course that would not be good. I don't see it as a bad thing that he said he doesn't have time for a R ... that's what we women always want from men, for them to be honest and upfront. He's D and has a child and a heavy hours job ... that makes sense to me.
I may be way wrong, but male attention in this case I think is good for your self esteem but it's also good for dropping the rope and moving on. Not necessarily into a new R, but just moving on period. What I wouldn't give for a cute unattached man to talk to, hang out with, and yes eventually snuggle. It would help me move on from the misery which is the mental jail that imprisons me keeping me attached to my H who can so very easily detach from me (and more than once now in our M).
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
You're going to get lots of attention from the opposite sex.Let me assure you. This is fun and appealing as hell but the geography could'nt be worse. You've have a heck of a ride and have come such a long way -please be extra careful.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Ya. Geography bothers me too, you know?? Same reason I would not get involved with anyone in my town. Very small. And gossipy and potentially uncomfortable.
He made it very clear that he does not have a lot of time to give to a R right now--works like 55-60 hours a week and has a young son 50% of the time.
Quote:
He did send me this text about 2 minutes after I got home... "Too bad our R is what it is...I could really go for some snuggling right now."
It sounds to me like he wants a "friends with benefits" arrangement. He doesn't want or have time for a "relationship", but he wants to "snuggle" (guy code for "have sex"). How you proceed is up to you, but I don't think he intends for this to be anything serious FWIW.
GTO - With regards to your new friend sounds like a something to step back from IMHO. I want positive attention from my W so bad and if I got it from another right now, esp someone cute I would have to lock myself in my room as I would want to jump right into it, just cause I long for the positive attention that I don't have and am so tired of the hurt and pain. Just my thoughts.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
You want revenge. I understand that, we've all had a twinge of that (some more than others). But just try to remember that anger and revenge are a reflection of the pain you're feeling, and it's the pain you need to address. Your H hurt you. Hurting him back will not relieve your pain. Sort through the pain, find your way to forgiveness and the anger and desire for revenge will go away. This is a big step you have to take towards dropping the rope. You can do it, just remember it's about you, not H