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A little bird told me that our community dating thread has been locked. Sorry about that!

In real life, I often feel like the bartender. Lots of people tell me stuff, including their deepest, darkest secrets. But here, I think we're ALL bartenders. After all, the bartender listens and occasionally offers advice.

Way back when, one of my fellow DB pals-now personal friend (MicheleTW), got me into some woo-woo stuff (she's a full time life coach now and awesome at her job, to boot). One of them included a topic on how being unhappy means we are not living an authentic life - that there is a disconnect between how we feel and how we live. Over the years, I've come to see that concept as completely true.

While I'm no longer unhappy, I still kind of feel like I'm changing more. Maybe it's because I'm 51 and the past year has been sort of a review of things thus far? Maybe because I'm smack dab in the middle of the menopausal process? Maybe I'm still trying to achieve balance in my life? Maybe it's all of the above?

Anyway, that's my musing here at the bar. At the very least, I do try to work at achieving balance each and ever day. Some days it's easier than others.

So, last we heard here at the bar, BA let us know that he's going out with Romy tonight. We expect a full report.

Golf Girl and I have a golf date next Saturday. Apparently, that counts as dating. grin

My own real life dating is settling in. Sweet Stuff told me the other night that he's in love with me, and that he's really enchanted by my D16. Hell, she's adorable and funny and everyone falls in love with her. So color me not surprised. But I also told him to be patient with me, because I move in the love game at the pace of a snail. He can ask my XH for a reference on that too - it took me another 4 months to know I was in love with him and tell him. Fortunately, he's a patient soul. Not sure if Sweet Stuff is in the same league as Mr. Wonderful in that department. Mr. W. was always one of the most patient men I knew. He still is.

No baseball on tonight, so SS is coming over to take a walk with me. I really appreciate it, as he's been running 5 miles every morning himself. Me? Not so motivated.

So share away...

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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Sliding on the bar stool....wooosh!

BA, GG, Barb, Wii...I'm first...git in back in the line!!!! laugh

Bets, how's MicheleTW!!? I remember her and her insightful posts. She doing ok? Any significant person in her life?

I do wonder about other oldies like H2H, Martha, etc.

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Girl, I think you're working behind the bar lately yourself!

I haven't talked with Michele lately, so I don't know if she's got a guy. Her youngest is going to be a junior in high school and plays softball so that keeps her hopping when she's not working. Last we chatted, she was doing well.

H2H same. She reconciled with her SO and I met him when they were in Denver a couple years ago. I tried to hook up with her in NY last fall and she didn't answer. Her parents have become frail and sick and she was having to go home to Rochester constantly, and was very stressed.

I also keep in touch with Wonder and Azure as well as CMNM (Pam) and Merrick, Lyrael. Who else? Gabe, Kevin, Joe, Bethie, Linda... Sorry if I'm drawing a blank on others.

I met a lot of really wonderful people here.

Anyhoo, just finished dinner and I'm flying solo with my 2 birds away from the nest. I remember the days when I hated the reminder of my broken family. Now I count the hours until I get a few minutes to myself. I've come to treasure my down time. It's my last until next Monday so yee ha!

Time to clean up the kitchen... Dinner was leftovers and clean up should be quick. Can I have another drink now? LOL

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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So last night's date with Romy was nice. We met for a glass of wine and then went to a movie. I like the fact that she is very comfortable with reaching out to hold my hand and with affection in general without overdoing the PDA - i.e. we weren't making out in the movie.

So on the surface everything is great with Romy - we have similar interests, we have kids still in the house who are similar ages and we will both be empty nesters around the same time, and she has the physical attributes that I tend to be attracted to. Not sure how to explain this but I think what I am struggling with is that at this point I don't see her as "the one." She is definitely way more into me than I am into her. It's not that I am not interested in her, because I am - however I still find myself wanting to keep my options open. Maybe it's because it's still a bit early - we have gone out on 4 dates now. However, I did have those feelings with the last girlfriend I had and was really not interested in pursuing anyone else after she and I had gone out on just 3 dates. I actually fell for her rather quickly. Subconsciously that could be what is holding me back with Romy - but I don't think that is the case.

Anyways - I do have another date with Lucy planned next week. I am hoping that provides me more clarity. I'm not keen on dating more than one woman long term and I feel like Romy and I will soon be in that category once we go out a couple of more times. I do like Lucy however she is moving at a much slower pace than Romy as she is coming from a much different situation - widowed vs. divorced.

That's all I got.

BA

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My gut is telling me Romy is not the one for you either. Slow can be good. And of course you can always hit the website again. Just my .02 .

kat


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S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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BA,

I completely understand where you are, so I'm going to offer my .02 too. (With Kat, you're now up to .04 - don't spend it all in one place!)

Quote:
Not sure how to explain this but I think what I am struggling with is that at this point I don't see her as "the one."


BA, can I ask you why you're even thinking about "the one"??? Dating is all about getting to know each other and enjoying the time. Take your time to see the flaws and the treasures without wondering if she's going to be Mrs. BA a year from now. That's WAY too much pressure, friend. If you approach every date like this, you're going to be in for some unhappiness. I know I wouldn't like being on the opposite side of that table.

If it makes you feel better, Sweet Stuff is also way more into me than I am into him. But I've decided I will honor his feelings and not set him up to destroy him because I'm pretty sure that right now, nobody is my Mr. Right. It's just where I am in life. But he's fun and sweet and he's definitely Mr. Right Now.

Do you have some sort of mental deadline that you will make a decision on someone by a certain time and then go for it? If so, that sounds like a whole lot of pressure on her and you.

Instead of feeling you're driving the car and have to get somewhere, why not take the bus? Let it go where it's going and see if it's okay?

Quote:
However, I did have those feelings with the last girlfriend I had and was really not interested in pursuing anyone else after she and I had gone out on just 3 dates.


I understand. I felt that way about my previous BF too. But it didn't work out anyway. So why not do a 180 and just enjoy things? I don't care if it's Romy or Lucy or a new girl. If you're not sleeping with any of them, why not all of them?

I'm not saying to be dishonest or to hide your truth. If they don't like it, then you'll know. If they accept the R on your terms, well, then everyone goes into things with eyes wide open.

I've told SS that it takes me a long time to fall in love with people. That hasn't been the case 100% of the time, but the fact is, when I did fall in love right off the bat, those R's didn't work out as I hoped either. So it's not a tried and tested true litmus test...

I dunno. I think you need to give yourself a mental vacation from thinking too much. You've got way too much going for you. And I mean that, Dave.

That's all I got too.

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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Woo hoo! I'm looking forward to my first date with Betsey next Sat. NO pressure there and no expectations; just meeting a new friend.

Yeah, I agree with all these forward thinkers on here. Just go with it, BA, and let it evolve. Everything works out the way it's supposed to in the end. It's when we force things or start thinking to much that things get blown out proportion. You can't really base this experience with Romy on what happened in the past with someone else. This is a different time in your life and a different person. Hang in there...

For me, well I closed my match acct. My subscription was expiring and it made me frustrated and anxious on there. I was doing well for the first few weeks, but then I started feeling upset at the lack of 'quality' men on there. Not many like BA on match out here. So, time for me to sit back and enjoy the rest of the summer. There's a single golfers meetup group, so maybe I'll play a few rounds with them. Regardless, I need to focus back on me and finish some things around the house before school starts. Dave has not sent one word since Monday afternoon. Strange and confusing. I just don't get it.....

Sigh...but I'm hiking a part of the Colorado Trail this weekend with some gal pals. Just what I need! Time in the mountains....


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
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Lynn,

Be safe and have fun on your hike!

We will talk when you get back.

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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Hey Wonka - you get the first drink but slide on over - there's room for all of us & today I will be having a Mimosa - thanks (because its early).

Yesterday was a day long celebration of the birth of my firstborn, Ryan, now 34! He became disabled at age 4 when we nearly lost him (in a coma for a long time) so to see him healthy, happy & enjoying our outing to the zoo was heartwarming. Along with about 75 Facebook messages & even a text from his dad! So...

CHEERS!

Barb

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Barb and Ryan,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You made my day!

Betsey


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
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