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#2365042 07/08/13 05:53 AM
Joined: Dec 2008
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Hey gang, hope everyone is doing ok.
I am needing some advice.
As you know I had been dating J for almost 4 yrs. He bought the house I live in but moved 15 hours away and no plans of returning. Dont know why he bought the house to begin with but thats another story I guess. Anyway, I have been staying here since he left. He has some things still here in the garage and in the house. Not many things, but he didnt want to leave the house empty.
I have been living here for free but he now wants rent. I dont mind to pay rent, it is reasonable and I love it here BUT he will not make a contract of any sort and he has laid down some other rules.
We have not dated in a yr or so, just been kinda friends. He comes home about twice a yr. for a couple weeks at a time. Which WAS very hard on me emotionally.
I asked him to get his stuff so he wouldnt have to come back and to change the locks and so forth since I would be paying him rent.
He has made several demands, some in anger. I told him I was going on with my life and he says great. BUT He now says I am not to have any MEN in his house, he doesnt want them bothering his stuff. (I have always had friends here and he never said anything before). He says he doesnt want them in his bed. I dont even sleep in his bed myself and would not do that anyway. He says this is HIS house.
I have thought about leaving but my nephew loves it here and has friends and I also like the neighborhood.

I still get his mail here and he has a bank account here.
I dont know why he hasnt changed his mail.
He has lived in another state for over 2 yrs.
I would love to just pay him rent and not have him popping in when he wants. If he gets his stuff he would have no reason to. He keeps saying he is getting it but then never does. I feel stuck!
My friend says he is STILL trying to control me.
What do I do?
I once loved him but feel nothing but sadness now.
I need to go on with my life.
He wants to be best friends. come home go to movies ext.
i dont want that. I cant!
He gets angry because I cant do this. He basically wants a rel with me witout any emotion or sex or anything. JUST FRIENDSHIP but wants me to cook when he is here and go place with him. I dont know what to do except cut him out completely, but I dont want to move. SIGH......UGH.....any advice?

Thanks!
Renee


_________________________________________
M:42
H:40
S:18
M:20yrs/together 21yrs
Bomb:9/08 ILYBNILWY
Sep:9/18/08 "ow" :25
Filed:11/18/08
D:12/8/08
M:Different 26 yr. old 7/09.
Newborn 4/10
Joined: Aug 2012
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Wow, that sounds like a tough spot you're in Renee. If it were me, I'd move out. I don't see how staying there would work out for you. I know, not what you wanted to hear...


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Joined: Dec 2008
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Thanks FY.

I was thinking I may have to. The house is beautiful. I just wish I could just mail him a check or put the money in his account and be done. Its like he still has to have control.
I dont know what to think.
We are not going to work it out, he doesnt want to and to be honest I am tired of trying.
I just cant have him pop in every now and then and expect me to go do things with him like a couple would. Thats just weird to me.
Last time he was here, and we were not a couple then either, I cooked and he would get a plate, stop and give me a kiss and say thank you, like any normal person in a rel would except WE ARE NOT in a REL.
I am so confused with his actions.

Renee


_________________________________________
M:42
H:40
S:18
M:20yrs/together 21yrs
Bomb:9/08 ILYBNILWY
Sep:9/18/08 "ow" :25
Filed:11/18/08
D:12/8/08
M:Different 26 yr. old 7/09.
Newborn 4/10
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 146
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 146
Its time to sit down and ask yourself why you allow others to treat you in this way, your son your ex and his wife and now your ex boyfriend.

You're a grown woman and you need to start acting like one so move out of the ex bf's house, the fact that your nephew likes the neighborhood shouldn't even factor in your staying there, you have a car and a phone so you could drop him off at his friends house.

Sorry but it almost comes across as you needing drama in your life to feel alive. Most people would have moved out of an ex's house once the relationship was over and sever all ties.

Its his house that you lived in rent free for almost two yrs now he wants rent and a say who you have over without a contract agreement, so he can lord it over you and control you.

Its time for you to move out and not worry about him and get on with your life. Sorry if this comes across as harsh but you need a reality check about boundaries and kicking toxic people out of your life.

Joined: May 2006
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Renee, do you really need advice about this? You need to call that goof-ball and tell him to stick his house where the sun doesn't shine and run as far away from him as you can.


Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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