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How is it that you cannot date online? He had to be funny, I get that though lol. I initially felt that way about online dating too. My co-workers convinced me to try it and I actually began to really enjoy it...aside from the stress of being judged or rejected etc., that is but you have that anytime you date. You have access to lots of people who are there for the same reasons (well, mostly anyway) you are, they want to meet somebody! Now, that said, online dating is a very visual thing and you are competing with a ton of other people, that can be intimidating. Women have to wade through wads of messages from jerks or "hey, check my profile". But, like anything it takes effort and yes, you may have to leave your comfort zone. Don't write it off because you're cutting off a major opportunity to meet men. Again, just food for thought.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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mkultra Offline OP
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It was my New Year's Resolution to dat in 2012. I had a lot of fun and finally started saying "yes" to men who have always had things for me. because of my work and being single I do get asked out a lot and I also get set up a lot. But, I never really dated. I didn't date either of my exes. Those relationships were that friendship on fire cliches. I guess I keep waiting for that. No more.

My obsessive fantasy is what I will do if my ex-unboyfriend comes back. I am trying everything in my power not to snoop.

The not dating thing is really stuck in my head. We were like really close friends who overcame some obstacles and fell in love. We never really dated. Because of the friendship, I never admitted the crush. I never said I like you, I love you, I think you are hot.

I heard this new girl said these things when she met him at a party. he was flattered. So, I know how this goes. it is not who she is but how she makes him feel.

I know we had this great chemistry, but we had a rocky start. i can't get over the being supplanted part.

It feels different than when my ex-husband and I split up. The weird thing was back then I had hope. Somehow, I convinced myself I would be better off and that I would fall in love again. That feeling of carrying on and having hope was always in me as I DBed.

Now, I feel hopeless. Maybe because I fell in love when I did not expect it. I am still in love. And I have kept it a secret for years even though we have been together.

The sad thought I cling to is that he can take her to a baseball game and drive. I always drove because he knew he wanted to drink. So she is seeing a sober well behaved man. He can also take her out in public. I kept us a secret passed midnight. Sigh. It was like an affair. I wasn't ashamed of him, well...I just needed privacy. I am looking back at my mistakes wonderinghow I lost my second chance at love.

It is heartbreaking because I severely doubt anyone gets three chances!


Me:38 H:39 MLC
M:10 R:23 years
D6 S3
Bomb: Easter, 2007
"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
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Quote:
It is heartbreaking because I severely doubt anyone gets three chances!


Are you kidding me? There are BILLIONS of people on this planet. You have UNLIMITED chances to fall in love!

Your problem is not scarcity, it's the mindset that is causing you to seek out unsuitable people who don't offer what you deserve. [i][/i]Please read that book He's Scared She's Scared - I'm pretty sure you'll find something in there to relate to.

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mkultra Offline OP
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I sooo need to read that! THANK U AGAIN!

I know that this is a site for Saving the Marriage but I am now at the point of surviving the dating experience post divorce.

A tiny step today. Today I woke up and he was NOT the first thing I thought about! For months, years, he was the last person I fantasized about and the first thought I woke up to.

So little distractions and DBing will help me even though he was not the man I divorced. He was the man I was too scared to move on with.

I am still comparing every person the my ex-husband. I look at history and movies, and pop-culture and wonder how other first wives have moved on?

I feel this compulsion to upgrade. It is very shallow. I know.

I married the funniest, sweetest man I had ever met. He worshipped me. Gave me two babies. He lost his job, got depressed, and fell in love with a young poor orphan woman. Sad.

Then, I dated the wealthiest man in our county. Trust fund baby. Philanderer. He still asks me to marry him but I'm done. I DBed with him, too.

Then, I became friends with benefits with the tallest man in the room who was the most educated man I have ever been with. 6'5 alcoholic. Amazing sex. Never had the conversation. This lasted three years. He has moved on. I am lost. I know this one still loves me. It just did not work out. His drinking, my motherhood status.

Last, I started hanging out with a semi-famous composer. I did not kiss him. We are just experiencing music together. He is not interested in me.

Yet, I see this pattern. Besides, my ex-h, they really do not care or really know me. I have intimacy issues.

I am scared! lol I need to read that book. I ma getting exhausted.


Me:38 H:39 MLC
M:10 R:23 years
D6 S3
Bomb: Easter, 2007
"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Joined: Oct 2005
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Are you thinking too much? I'm a professional thinkaholic. I can drive myself crazy analyzing and trying to prevent disaster. Sometimes when you're like that life drives right by and you're too busy to see it 'cuz you're fixated on trying to understand it. Just a thought.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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mkultra Offline OP
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Wow, I notice a lot of us are on a five year hiatus! Is that the normal cycle for DBers??
Here is a list of rebound and break up books on Goodreads.
http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/33245.Rebound_Books_After_a_Break_Up#480479

It has been a few weeks and I am still in a rut with my exL, so I need to confess some embarrassing numbers:

It has been 6 months since I have had sex. I know a lot of us have had worse dry spells, but that really [censored] because we were really hot and heavy.

6 months since he initiated calling me.

5 months since we kissed and saw each other naked- not real sex

4 months since we held hands and really looked into each others' eyes- we fought thereafter-he insulted me-no more communication

2 months since he put his arm around me, visited me, sat with me, acted interested in me- then his friend hit on me- I was really confused by this interaction? Was he passing me off or did he get jealous? Was it a coincidence, a cruel joke, a test, or just a misunderstanding?

6 weeks since he texted me to see where I was at the baseball game- I got a glimmer of hope- but then he introduced me to the woman he was dating-the woman he said he had no interest in because she was nice but not hot and was going through a divorce with two kids- how cruel to even tell me that

The worst part of this timeline is how he fed me crumbs and I kept taking less and less until he really knocked it into me that I was not the woman for him.

And I miss him? Why? It has been even longer since he told me he loved me or that I was beautiful. He gave me so little. What am I missing?


Me:38 H:39 MLC
M:10 R:23 years
D6 S3
Bomb: Easter, 2007
"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,501
Likes: 210
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kml Offline
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Did you read that book yet???

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