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My trip to Alaska is upon me. I have not planned anything, a huge 180 for me, whatever happens happens, I'll smile look for the joy in the moment and snap a picture for later. Pappa needs a break...

More on forgiveness, I spoke with my Pasteur about forgiveness and he was very sympathetic and helped me to understand a little more about this thing called forgiveness. he said he understood that I was hurt and angry and he said a small part has the right to be. He said to feel it, the fact that I made the decision to forgive is huge. He said pray and realize it may take me a long time to completely forgive and that was okay. He also said to realize that I would have days were I fall back into sadness and anger and that was okay. So what are your thoughts on forgiveness???


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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Originally Posted By: subguy


More on forgiveness, I spoke with my Pasteur
lol pastor...

Stress management, my father was just admitted to the ER and released the next day. He is still having issues but his doc told him to come back in 2 weeks. He is having dementia problems, we are not sure if it is medication or if he is going to really suffer from dementia (please let it be a reaction to his medicine). I was up late and then up early for work, so needless to say everyone in my family was tired and stressed. I noticed the ease at which everyone would fall into a argumentative and blaming role. I kept telling myself that I was tired and stressed and to keep my mouth shut. It is interesting that I noticed this and made an effort to not be reactionary. I'm not saying I was perfect or great at it but I noticed and tried to change.


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I think he's pretty much on the money.

Allow yourself to pat yourself on the back, maintaining your calm in those situations is difficult especially if you're breaking a pattern. I give you cudos and a big hug ((( )))

Hope your father's memory issues improve.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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i think it is like an onion... there are layers, peeling it takes time and there are some tears along the way. catching yourself the way you did with your family and making a different choice is such a huge step, sg.. (((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))


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I kept telling myself that I was tired and stressed and to keep my mouth shut. It is interesting that I noticed this and made an effort to not be reactionary. I'm not saying I was perfect or great at it but I noticed and tried to change.

This is wonderful to read SG. Its a huge step when we realise that why we are behaving in certain ways. you are really wonderful.

I hope its the medication. Let us know how it goes.


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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Subguy, I hope it all goes well with your dad.

Your pastor gave you good advice. Also remember that you forgive for your own benefit. The other person does not really need your forgiveness, but you do so you can be free to be happy.

I wasn't aware that you had signed D papers already. Is that right?

Anyway, best wishes to you.

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bug, NG, busting and tori, thanks for the comments. I am still no where near perfect and need work but it was a step forward to recognize and try to not react.

Originally Posted By: tori2012
Subguy, I hope it all goes well with your dad.

Your pastor gave you good advice. Also remember that you forgive for your own benefit. The other person does not really need your forgiveness, but you do so you can be free to be happy.

I wasn't aware that you had signed D papers already. Is that right?

Anyway, best wishes to you.


Yes Tori, we have signed and it was filed the first part of May. There is a 90 waiting period in my state. After that who knows what will happen.


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Subguy, I didn't know about the papers. I guess it doesn't change things much, but it's still hard. You're a better person than you used to be (me too) and that's what matters most.

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I am back from my trip to Alaska, it was fun, relaxing, stressful and tiring all at the same time. I got to see a momma bear and two cubs walk right in front of my car, she was huge and needless to say, I was glad I was in my car. I saw glaciers, snow, bald eagles, moose and porcupines. All in all a good week.

I went to my nephews wedding, that was a little stressful as it made me think about my impending divorce. I am extremely happy and hopeful for my nephew, young love was fun to watch.

Making the trip stressed me out a little. I think because it was the first trip that I took with my family minus my wife and that hurt a little, however we all had a good time. Life does move forward and it can be fun and exciting.

I had time to think and look at my situation from a different angle. I realize that I will most likely never "get over" my wife, we have way to much history together. I do know that I will move forward with or without her. What my wife is going through is tough and it is hers... I released a lot of demons this week. I now know that I will be okay on my own.

I am not sure what path I want to take at this point. I know that I am not a back up plan and it is either all or nothing. I cannot and will not hang out and be best buds with my ex wife, as she has indicated she wants to do at some point. She has made her decision and I am okay with it. I am not at the point of forgiving her yet... but that will happen.

I am okay with me and do not want to be married to someone who acts the way she has acted these last 10 months. I want someone who will stand and fight for me and someone who does not verbally insult and demean me. I want someone who will not run when the really tough part begins. At some point that may be my stbx however I really doubt that will happen for us. I am in a pretty good place right now, this trip has helped me to relax and realize a few things.


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It's good to get away and see things from a different perspective. You sound good!


Me - 54
P - 59
Together 5 yrs
She left 4/2012
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