WAW- the next level

[WAW_SC]

Here is my original post
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2331553#Post2331553

W and I separated 6 months and currently co-parenting.

So after db for few months my waw is starting to take it to another level. A few weeks I was told she wanted to sell the house. I said that if that's what she wanted to do then we should talk about it and maybe wait a few months so as to make sure we don't impact on the boys schooling.

The following week when I asked my son what he did on the weekend with mum and he dropped that he went looking for houses to buy with W and her parents. I wasn't spying it was just a standard question I ask.

I spoke to W about it and asked if she planning to do it sooner rather than later. She said she was just looking for the time being. I mentioned that if she wants to sell the house that I would consider buying her out and if that's what she wanted it would take a little paperwork and time.

The following week she put forward her proposal to move suburbs and take the boys to a new school and change our parenting agreement so that I only get to see the boys every second weekend. She said that she wasn't trying to take the boys away from me and that she thought its what's best for our sons. Main reason is that she would be close to her parents so that could help pick up the boys after school, which is something we are both doing at then moment. I stayed calm and stated that this was I big proposal and that we need to talk these things through together and consider all the options we have. I listened to her and validated and the conversation ended amicably.

Yesterday she informed that she is going to an house auction this morning to potentially buy a house. Her parents are putting up the money for the deposit but she still owns a property with me.

So after months of giving her time and space and leaving her alone, being friendly and gal and pma, it has come to this. I may lose my 50% custody of the boys. I am not sure
What has happened with my W for her take such a radical stance. I suspect there is a lot of resentment against me and that her parents recognise she is not happy and by taking me out of the picture even more than can help her be happy. It's out of character for her but the worst part is that it's now involving the children.

I love my sons, I am a great father. I don't want to just let the go but in afraid that the courts will give her the custody she wants, it's what happens here in Australia.

I will see her in a few hours time. I am praying for strength, love and compassion but mostly I am praying that I get to retain my current custody of the boys.

What did I do wrong?

[MrBond]

You didn't do anything wrong. What legal counsel have you gotten for yourself?

[WAW_SC]

Hey Mr Bond,

I have had to speak with a solicitor recently to understand what my rights are. If I am very lucky, i will retain our 50/50 co parenting agreement. If I am unlucky, I will get to see them 4-6 days a month.

I am struggling to come to terms with how things have started down this path. I have never been in a more calm and positive frame of mind. I have given W the sapce and time to let her sort her own life out. I have been using the LRT to create that space but never being rude. I have treated her with respect and compassion.
I get the feeling she is getting some bad advice from somewhere, possibly her parents.
In any case, there is not much I can do about it other than be informed of what my legal rights are, stay calm and continue being respectiful...and pray every now and then.

Its deeply dissapointing. And to think that for a while there I was hopeful that we maybe had a chance to reconcile. I cant see how i could do that if its starts to get ugly.

WHat makes a WAW change strategy so quickly...

[WAW_SC]

So it’s been a few weeks and the dust has settled a little bit between W and I. There has been no further talk of custody of the boys, and I have not brought it up. Best to leave that for mediation and hope that my W calms down a little. I recently wrote her an email before she went to the auction to say that I did not agree with her proposal to change our current parenting agreement and also to relocate our sons to another school. I stated that I believed that these decisions would have a big impact on our sons and that it would be in their best interest if we collaborated together to come up with a parenting plan with a mediator. I heard nothing after that.

Our Recent interactions have been a little tricky. I still sense her bitterness and anger and try not to get caught up in it. Everything is said with a ‘smile’ so its not worth saying stuff like “ I can tell you’re angry” to her,she will just deny it. I just ignore it and try and stay positive.

But I am getting a little tired of it. I am trying my best to keep the peace and stay focused, but it does not take much for W to get upset/ angry, and eventually bring up the past. She has right to be angry, but I feel like I should not have to take it on board. I think I have allowed it to happen to a certain extent. I am at a stage where I do not want to engage with it anymore and feel that I have the skills and calm to stand my ground without being rude or disrespectful. I have been scared of disagreeing with her or doing anything to upset her in fear of losing the kids. It does hurt, the fact that she can feel that anger towards me. I thought time would help reduce it but it hasnt.

Today I decided to mention splitting our bank account as we still share one. She agreed it was a good idea.

I feel like I need to move on and stop living in fear of what my W thinks of me or of what I am doing. I have been scared to talk about this stuff (money, settlement) as it has felt like I would be accelerating the separation/ D but it seems that this is the path that it is taking anyway and I should face it head on. I am not afraid anymore of a life without her. I know I will be fine either way and I just don’t want to keep being judged by her. I can’t win and I do not want to win. I just want to start living my life again free of her opinion of me. Who I am now and who she thinks I am are not the same thing but I don’t feel the need to convince her of that anymore.

I feel sad in a way that I have reached the point that I am ready to walk away from it all, but also confident that I am on a path that will lead me to being a better man and father. I will always be connected with my W. The future is uncertain, everything is up for grabs. I am excited by all the uncertainty and freedom again. Life has the potential to be better from here on and I am now ready to walk away from the M. I will continue DBing as the story is not over but I am now much more positive and ready to watch it unfold.