I got my mediation paperwork in the mail yesterday. I was under the impression H wouldn't be here since he is out of the country but it acts like we both have to be there. I was hoping not to have to see him. I was suprised how sad it made me feel. I am the one that filed, I think he would happily carry on the way it is now. I don't want to be married to him but I don't want to be divorced... I guess I want my old H back. no chance of that happening.
I find it very ironic we have to sit there and work out a parenting agreement when only 1 of us is parenting. He is more like an uncle now. a daily 7 am phone call does not make you a parent....I am annoyed too with Florida. I can't have full custody because FL doesn't agree with that even though he is out of the country we have to have a timesharing plan. When does H have to do the work part of being a parent?? never....
She filed, I counter filed and then there were the hearings. Mediation was out of the question. I don’t think it was better or worse. The final documents served to solidify the event. I remember the surreal aspects of the remainder of the day. It was a little bit like coming out of a concussion.
This too shall pass. Before you is the future, you determine how you perceive it. Reach out and shape yours.
Afterwards looking back it was a bit like closing a chapter of my life. Ok, not so bad, not the end of the world, all my fingers and toes are present. What is next and what do I need to do to get where I want to be.
(((())))
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
When I went through mediation, we both met together with the mediator. The mediator was there to facilitate us working things out between us. he and I each had our own separate attorney on the outside that we would run things by, then we would meet back with the mediator and hash it out.
If you have a private attorney, ask them what you can expect. It's good to go in to mediation with a pretty good idea of your rights and what a court would award you. That way, you can always ask for more as a negotiating ploy, but will know where it's reasonable to settle.
Remember this is a BUSINESS deal at this point - and has nothing to do with your marriage or getting any closure on that. Just stick to the business.
And if there are points where you have a choice between taking payments over time or a solid asset - I'd take the asset, since it'd be pretty hard to pursue him for back payments in another country.
So, for instance, if you would qualify for alimony, you might be better off getting a lump sum or the house equity or more of the retirement accounts. Would be better than sitting around waiting for the check to arrive every month from an unreliable source.
