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The emodocon says it all.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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Great weekend W/DS. I took him back to X's place (to avoid a scene such as what happened at C's to protect DS). It's complicated because there are things at X's home he needs for school tomorrow.

X texts me: "DS loves his new sporting equipment"(that I helped him acquire today). I can only assume she's trying to "make nice" about what she intends to become the new normal.

I did not respond.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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sleeper Offline OP
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I miss my kids. So far I have avoided unpleasantries to protect my children from the experience. Another session with C (the adults) is scheduled for Monday.

I am not happy about the little contact I have had with my children over the past month. I saw both of them them yesterday but DD hasn't stayed overnight with me for a month, DS has been with me only two nights.

I feel I must weigh the potential emotional damage of court proceedings against any possibly benefit to the welfare of my children. I miss them. They tell me they miss me. What degree of that is the unavoidable product of divorce and divided custody and what is the result of recent changes in physical custody? What is best for them?


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
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Sleeper, if they miss you and are saying that, you need more time together, I'd say.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Joined: Dec 2007
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X and I had session with C today. Early in I stated I had decided to NOT take legal action I don't want to put my kids through that as I didn't six years ago. I think I saw the "big picture" this weekend. Interestingly, C says kid's greatest concern is X and I "fighting".

It's a mess.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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sleeper Offline OP
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Yes. The C began the session with a "goal" that X and I find some say to work things out without going to court. I learned today X has begun to see the C on her own in individual sessions as well.

I thought I knew what was going on but now I'm not so sure. I do know my marriage is a major life changing event for my kids, probably the biggest since X and I divorced. DS can't remember our divorce, DD barely can. Part of me thinks I should have prepared them better for this but on the other hand there were no issues a year ago and the blended family seemed already blended.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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sleeper Offline OP
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The kids are still with her. I see this as an adult problem. The kids hate the fact X and I are fighting (their position since DD was 7 and DS was 5).

Yes, she has made things more difficult for everyone, thinking only of herself.

"When elephants battle, the ants suffer."


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,071
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Sleeper,
You made me realize that I might run into problems w/X once I remarry. (With that said, he is so passive and depressive I'd be surprised if he had that much fight in him.)

I think you're doing the right thing trying to work it out w/C. For one, you might save a ton of money. For another, maybe your X will calm down and think more about the kids and maybe get her head straightened. And you might, too. In all seriousness, you might learn things about yourself that could help you going forward.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,843
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sleeper Offline OP
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I seem to be having epiphanies lately averaging one per weekend...

I realized today after the counseling session with my DD she is having a mid-life crisis. Not a true mid-life crisis but the first crisis you're supposed to have when you're a teenager. The one some of our (X)spouses repeated later at mid-life.

It's all there...Life altering event (my engagement to fiancÚ and DD becoming a "woman" the same month. Anger at the one she loves the most (me, she always was a major "daddy's girl"). The "alien possession" I don't know who she is anymore, stretching the truth, changing makeup styles daily, coldness towards me, says things for shock value to test my reaction. New friends (my X, they act like two teenagers). Avoidance behaviors: Reads constantly (2-3 books weekly, says it takes her to another place). Has become materialistic, likes to shop, complained today that I don't take her on trips. Running away instead of facing issues (she ran from me and now lives with her mother by her choice and support of X). Oh and "boy crazy" (X's words describing her). Did I say boundary testing?

Sound familiar, anyone?

At least there's the silver lining of knowing what to do in this dark cloud.

Nothing.

Oh there's two. She's acting just like X did 7 years ago so I recognize the behaviors.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
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I don't think it's a crisis but very typical teen girl behavior. Get used to it. She will be like that for a few years. Just continue to love & support her. Be firm when necessary. She will come around in time.

Barb

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