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JRG #2388963 09/28/13 12:42 AM
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Well, the end of this month will mark 6 months since my W moved out. I can say that I'm doing much better now. Most days are pretty good. My down days are getting fewer and fewer.

Today my W acknowledged my birthday which is this weekend. It's the first I've heard from her in over two months.

My feelings of having a family of my own are getting stronger. If you've read my previous posts you'd know that having kids won't happen with my W. It's just not what she wants. I feel that I'm getting closer and closer to asking her to start the D paperwork. She hasn't spoken of D since April so I have no idea how she feels about it. I'll be curious to her response if I do bring it up.


Me:38, Wife:36
M:8
T:13
No kids
Bomb:3/10/13
W moved out:3/30/13
Started D paperwork: 10/14/13
D final: 12/30/13
To a future of love and happiness...
JRG #2389116 09/28/13 07:49 PM
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Don't do it just to get her reaction. Do it only if you are okay with whatever outcome may be.

I too have no idea where my H stands but I know he's still confused. We are not friends on fb anymore but I know he still has our pictures up when his status is in a relationship with OW.

I too will have to think about how long I can do this and what should I do with our frozen embryos.. But I certainly would not ask him to file for D just to get his reactions.

What did her text about your birthday exactly say? Was it just "Happy Birthday"?

Btw.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! laugh laugh laugh


M37 H36
M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist
7/12:H broke down
10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after
1/13:H wants to leave
2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving
3/13: S begins
JRG #2389167 09/29/13 02:27 AM
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Hey JRG, sounds like you're doing well, thanks for keeping in touch! smile

Originally Posted By: JRG
I keep wondering if I'll ever know FOR SURE that it's time to D??


I don't think even a WAS ever feels 100% sure about D. I'll try to send some strength your way for that difficult decision smile


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
JRG #2389175 09/29/13 03:16 AM
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Just wanted to comment since we're kind of on the same timeline. My WAW moved out on 4-6-13 and next weekend will be 6 months apart for us as well. The fact that she acknowledged your birthday is a positive. My WAW's birthday was last Sunday and I did nothing as I have been dark for almost 90 days with a few e-mails but not face2face contact. It was tough not doing anything but I think it was appropriate to not acknowledge special occasions according to DB principles.

My down days are getting fewer and fewer as well but I still hold on to hope that we can work things out. Right now it is about getting on with things right now with my life.

The whole wanting a family/not wanting one is a tough dynamic to work through. Did you reply to her acknowledgement of your birthday? May be an opening to talk if you desire to do so. Hang in there.


Me: 42 WAW: 37 Kids: 0
Separated: 06APR13
M:7 Years, T:10 years
WAW states she wants to "move on": 01JUL13
"Courage is the standing army of the soul which keeps it from conquest, pillage, & slavery."
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Thanks all! My birthday was pretty good...spent time with my brothers and sisters. My sister made a delicious eclair cake for me!

SLU...her email read "Happy birthday this weekend. Hope you are doing well and I hope you get a chance to celebrate". To which I replied "Thank you".

I really don't have a desire to talk to her anymore. It's been easier on me being totally dark. I am however still curious about what's going on in her head. Really about why she's not proceeding with a D. Some of my family thinks that she's simply waiting for me to make the move to D.

I'm 99% sure that I don't want a R with her...because of the kids issue. It's still very difficult to let her go completely! It's obvious that I still have some feelings for her but I assume that I always will considering our history.


Me:38, Wife:36
M:8
T:13
No kids
Bomb:3/10/13
W moved out:3/30/13
Started D paperwork: 10/14/13
D final: 12/30/13
To a future of love and happiness...
JRG #2397716 10/25/13 11:41 PM
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So I finally made the decision to proceed with D. I contacted my W earlier this month and we've gotten together a few times to decide how to split things up. It's been going well. We've already decided on everything and started the paperwork. We're not involving lawyers but rather working through it on our own. My wife made the comment "Isn't it nice that we're not paying lawyers just to make us hate each other". I'm grateful for that!

I feel somewhat relieved having made the decision which I've been struggling with for a few months now. It nice to know exactly how everything is going to turn out. Seeing her again and thinking about the finality of our M did bring back some emotions for me though, unsurprisingly. Overall though I feel good about the situation and I'm becoming more accepting and even excited about my future life and future relationships.

I learned some things about my W too. She said that every time she seriously started thinking about proceeding with the D that she became too emotional and overwhelmed. That's why she never filed. And at one point she was thinking about coming back. She said that the first 3 months after moving out she was a wreck. She went out window shopping almost every night just to get out of her apartment and away from thinking about our situation. And this whole time, whenever we did have some sort of communication, she hid this emotion from me. For all I knew she was living it up in her new environment! It turned out to be completely opposite. I think this whole thing has been harder on her, the WAS, than me, the LBS, ironically.

I've learned so much about myself, life, and relationships through this whole ordeal. It's been a great life lesson even though it's been the hardest thing, by far, that I've ever experienced. I'm confident that my life is going to become what I want it to be. I sometimes wonder if I ever would have "grown" without experiencing this. Most likely, not. In that regard it may have been a needed experience...needed so that I could become the better person that I feel I'm morphing into.


Me:38, Wife:36
M:8
T:13
No kids
Bomb:3/10/13
W moved out:3/30/13
Started D paperwork: 10/14/13
D final: 12/30/13
To a future of love and happiness...
JRG #2419997 01/03/14 04:54 AM
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A conclusion to my story...

Our D was finally served on 12/30/2013. My ex-W and I part ways having gone through the process with fairness, dignity and respect of one another. We move on toward our separate futures, having learned from the past, in hopes of finding our dreams. We'll never forget each other, the goods and the bads having been deeply embedded within us through our 13-year history. I'll always be grateful for our time together.

I'm very excited about what my future holds. I'm getting more excited about dating, about the possibility of falling in love again, and the even more fantastic possibility of having a family of my own. Thinking about these often makes me teary-eyed.

For us parting ways was the best outcome. I truely hope that anyone reading this realizes their "best" outcome, whether in reconciliation or moving on. Either way, take it as a lesson that shall never be forgotten!


Me:38, Wife:36
M:8
T:13
No kids
Bomb:3/10/13
W moved out:3/30/13
Started D paperwork: 10/14/13
D final: 12/30/13
To a future of love and happiness...
JRG #2420007 01/03/14 05:44 AM
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I missed your Oct post - as I was reading it I can totally agree with you how I've learned so much about myself since the separation. My H and I are still separated and no one knows why he hasn't filed and have all the pictures with me on his fb even though he's in a relationship with his gf. When I first started DB-ing, I told myself I'd wait for him no matter how long and it's ok I don't get what I've always wanted - a family. But like you, I've learned so much about myself, what I want in life and what I need. The only difference is that I'm still not ready to file. You could say I'm still waiting for him to come to senses. But as time passes, I'm learning more and more about what I really want.

Last year around this time all I wanted was for him to come back. Now - even if he comes back I KNOW I'm not gonna just give in. I'll lay what I want and how I would like to spend the rest of my life.

I've always felt such a similarity with your posts and feelings toward wanting to have a family, JRG. I actually envy you that you reached to the point where you knew EXACTLY what you wanted and took action. I hope you will come back here and report when you find somebody you love and have a family you've always wanted.

To your happiness! wink


M37 H36
M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist
7/12:H broke down
10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after
1/13:H wants to leave
2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving
3/13: S begins
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Posts: 86
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Originally Posted By: stilllookingup
I've always felt such a similarity with your posts and feelings toward wanting to have a family, JRG. I actually envy you that you reached to the point where you knew EXACTLY what you wanted and took action. I hope you will come back here and report when you find somebody you love and have a family you've always wanted.

To your happiness! wink


Early-on I saw the similarity in our stories too. smile

At some point you too will make the internal decision that will lead you to know exactly what you want. It will happen with time.

To OUR happiness!


Me:38, Wife:36
M:8
T:13
No kids
Bomb:3/10/13
W moved out:3/30/13
Started D paperwork: 10/14/13
D final: 12/30/13
To a future of love and happiness...
JRG #2420177 01/03/14 07:15 PM
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Thinking about you thinking about having a family of your own makes me teary-eyed too. I'm very excited for your future! wink I'll update my sitch sometime soon - there has been quite a change in my feelings about a lot of things - maybe I'll know soon exactly what I wanna do...


M37 H36
M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist
7/12:H broke down
10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after
1/13:H wants to leave
2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving
3/13: S begins
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