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Joined: Apr 2013
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Well, he wants to set aside time every week to "talk" and make a plan. ( I found copies of divorce papers in his truck ). I asked him what he was hoping the picture would look like. He said he wants me to stay in the area, he wants to be able to see the kids whenever he wants, he wants to celebrate holidays together, coach together. I asked him if he only wants to interact with me regarding the kids, and he said no. He said he enjoys hanging out with me and doing things together, but doesn't want me to always hope we will get back together. We are better at being " best friends". He keeps holding to that. When I speak up about maybe moving closer to my family, and talking to a lawyer, he says if we get lawyers involved, I will lose out, that his picture and his offers are more generous than what he's required....I just don't know about that. His divorce doesn't seem like divorce, it seems like cake eating. He wants to be a bachelor sometimes, and a family man sometimes. He has no problem with me having the boys all the time, as long as there is an open door policy. How do I handle these conversations? He keeps acknowledging that he knows I don't want a divorce, keeps asking me to admit that I hope we get back together. So far, I've just admitted to not wanting to divorce.


Ezekiel37
Me 33
H 34
M 13 years
S9 S11
Bomb 1/7/13
Moved out 3/7/13
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 14
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 14
I just want to ask him why he wants to divorce? If he enjoys being a family, if I truly am his best friend, if ( because he still denies ow ), he has no plans to start a new life with a new person, then why the heck does he want out? But I don't want to question/ interrogate, and try to prove a point...that's what makes him crazy. What do I do?


Ezekiel37
Me 33
H 34
M 13 years
S9 S11
Bomb 1/7/13
Moved out 3/7/13
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
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I find it interesting that you indicate he's asking you to admit you're holding out hope for the M.

Why it is interesting is because, you are getting a lot of standard "script" stuff that WAS will say, stuff that so many of us here have heard in our own sitchs. The point is though, that while we KNOW that they tell the LBS not to have hope, and they mostly feel any R talk is pressuring, it's almost like he's goading you to pressure him.

As far as cake eating, you may want to get clear with your boundaries about what you will allow in your life and what you won't.

There are those LBS who put up very strong boundaries and say no friendship and no real communication except regarding kids and financial. Others have no problem leaving the WAS to come and go as they please. It is completely up to you on what you want to do, so long as it is because that's what you want, as opposed to punishing or trying to force your H to decide to come back to the M.

You will hear others state that the LBS should do their best to "keep the road home paved and smooth". IOW, if the WAS feels it is too difficult to return due to resentments or strong boundaries, they won't.

If you are not sure that the OW is a deal breaker for you, then focus and work on yourself to become and even more awesome catch, that only a fool would leave. You can always change your tune at a later date.

What types of things would you like to get better at in your personal life?

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So, we went away with my sons basketball team this weekend. It was a group thing...went fine....not a lot of opportunity for one on one time, which was good. Took the opportunity to hang out with " the moms" from the team, and have fun! On the drive home as the boys slept, we talked a little more about "the plan" (for divorce that he says we are going to do together).... I said nothing, and asked what his plan is....I'm really starting to believe that he doesn't really have one, and the reason he wants me to do it with him, is to do it for him. Honestly, he doesn't seem to have anything figured out, except that he doesn't want to answer to anyone for any reason. Total rebellion. It's hard for me, because I AM the planner,the researcher, the problem solver, But I don't want any of this....I will be darned if he is wanting me to help him do this to me!! It's twisted!!


Ezekiel37
Me 33
H 34
M 13 years
S9 S11
Bomb 1/7/13
Moved out 3/7/13
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