Emotional Affairs

[Incandenza]

Wow, thanks everyone.

[chatterbug]

sometimes they have an affair because they just do not have any thoughts or considerations for anyone else around them. Sometimes they just have poor morals and poor judgements and take the time to blame everyone else for their shortcomings.

[Hawker_44]

My wife is having an EA with a co-worker. I believe it started out as a simple friendship but then grew into a physical affair. I have talked to her twice about it, even going so far as to tell her I have absolute evidence about the affair. She still strongly dennies the affair. I am floored by the lengths she will go though to cover up her actions. This is a woman I have been married to for 30 years and never though in a million years that she would lie so blantly to me. My advice to you is belive nothing she tells you and be prepared for a long emotional ride that will not be easy. Once I found out about the affair I tried to change my relationship with her, telling I was sorry for the things I did in the past and the lack of emotional connection I showed her. We talked, I told her all my thoughts and fears, I opened up to her like I never have in the past, and she still continues her relationship with the other man as if nothing has changed. I'm at my wits end right now and not sure which way to turn. I do know that I have to make a change, I need to start thinking about me and my emotional wellbeing. I think, for me, that I need to detach myself from her and stop beating myself up about whats going on. I see now that no matter what I do she is not going to change and I need to accept that and get on with my life. Not sure what will happen from this point but I have get myself "well" before anything else can happen between us.

[littleGTO]

Hi, I,

I post in newcomers but read here from time to time. My H has been in EA w OW from work for over a year now (maybe 1 1/2yrs). We have been S for 5 months now.

All I can say is that an EA is a fantasy-based R (at least in part) that until it is played-out (become reality-based) may continue. My H, I believe, is infatuated w OW who is recently D.

I would advise you to look at your part in the breakdown of your M & start (if you haven't already) doing 180s on these things.

You can't control your spouse or their decisions. You have to decide your own boundaries too. If it becomes a PA is this a deal breaker for you? It is for me- definitely.

Try to GAL for your own sanity and survival. The future is unknown for all of us here, so we can only move forward acting as if & living our lives for ourselves (& children).

It isn't easy. I've been M for 17 years & thought we had a happy M. So, this absolutely shocked me. Sounds like it did you too.

Hang in there and good luck!

[shelly_shore]

A man in an emotional affair only, for a YEAR?

Sorry lG, but I find htat quite hard to believe. Do you have concrete proof it's not been physical?

Either way, you need to act now, it's only going to escalate.

[willbwell]

Can I ask a question guys? Not sure if this is highjacking, so apologies if so. I am in same sit. H has been in an EA &PA for a year now. he has moved out. I go back and forth with being pleasant when he is around, being accommodating in as far as the kids go. I think he definitely is cake eating. I know I am allowing it. I want to be hopeful. On the other hand, it is so disrespectful to me and my kids. He wants to be "set free" I know can't do anything about him-his choices. Wish I could say leave us alone...can't do it. I don't want conflict...Why are some people so selfish?

[MrBond]

"Why are some people so selfish?"

Because he doesn't think that he is being so. Or he is thinking "finally I can hve the life I want!" as if the life he had was like hell. Fact is there really is no answer to this. Only your H knows. If it's bothering you, then you need to establish some boundaries. Not to create drama, but to protect yourself. He will continue to take and take from you until you start putting your foot down on some things.