A Blast From The Past

[kml]

Hahaha! It's like they're psychic or something - the minute you pull away, they gotta try to reconnect.

But listen - about the new guy - don't be insecure! Look at it this way - after what you've been through, doesn't the ordinary risks of dating (boo hoo, he might break up with me - or me with him) seem pretty minor?

I've dated several men in the last 4 years since my divorce. But none of those breakups really rattled me - they always seemed minor after the breakup of my 26 year relationship with my ex.

Just have fun, don't make a big deal out of everything, and let this guy show you who he is. If it turns out he's not the one for you - well, hopefully you'll have had some fun dates in the meantime. And if he IS the guy for you - well, he'll already adore you, won't he?

Also - if you're worried about s.e.x. and gettin' nekkid in front of a new guy - honestly, that seems to be a problem only in women's heads. Men are just pleased you'll sleep with 'em.

[~¤DG¤~]

Really? After 2.5 years you're wondering how I'm doing? The fact that he tried to contact me is almost laughable. Needless to say, I won't be responding.

How come? Why is a laughable?

Because for over 2 years he didn't care about how I was doing or my kids. It's too late for that.

As for the new guy.. He's already starting the "I'm not sure if I know what I want" speech. I'm pretty sure that means he doesn't know if he wants it with me.

However, as disappointing as it is to hear it... I've been through way worse.

[~ kd ~]

Hey DG! I wanted to see what your response to Val's Q would be.

I know that you know it can take a LBS to truly move on, before the WAS starts to try to reconnect, again.

Is your response to his attempt to reconnect, how you wanted to react to it?

[Valeska19]

Because for over 2 years he didn't care about how I was doing or my kids. It's too late for that.

So you are going to let his actions dictate yours?

Trust me.. I get it.. You know my sitch and you know we share the similarity with our WAS abandoning us completely....

... but as someone who also just was contacted by her, I can tell you that it is an awesome feeling treating her the exact opposite way she treated me.

Not in a "ha ha" or a "I'm better than you" way.. but I just sleep better at night.

I'm not telling you what to do.. I'm truly not.

But I want you to ask yourself what your motivations are because they don't sound like they are from a perspective of protecting you heart...

... it sounds like you are saying what he deserves.. and that's not really your place.

[~¤DG¤~]

X contacted me again on Saturday and asked if I would be willing to have a conversation with him. There are some things that he wants to say and also has some questions and he would appreciate it if I would hear him out.

I really don't think it is in my best interest to meet with him, for several reasons. First and foremost because I've worked so hard to get to the place I am in and I feel that any sort of contact with him will set me back.
Also, I have beat myself up over the past and the things I have done and now that I'm finally ok with it the last thing I want to do is have it resurface and feel some of those feelings again.

I wanted to have a conversation with him at one point. Several of them, actually and I never got the chance and I had to deal with it in the best way I knew how. It was painful and every day was a struggle but I made it. I feel like the best thing I can do for me is to leave the past in the past. I don't hate my ex, I don't wish bad things upon him, I just don't want to go back to that place.

[~ kd ~]

I really do feel I understand what the fear is.

My stbx is not trying to re-connect, yet every time she contacts me the hairs on my neck still stand up.

I used to want answers. Now, I just want to be left alone. I am not interested in answers. I'm not interested in finding out how much she hurt. Because I'm not interested in opening old wounds.

I still don't trust myself... when it comes to her.

I know that Val put herself out there and accepted a "tea talk". She was very brave and she handled it very well. And even though I think it was very difficult for Val to consider, it sounds like things are working well for her to reconnect.

I'd be crap scared to get back into the "same old", if something like that were to happen. Yet, as we say around here, it is impossible to happen, since WE have changed. The sitch... THAT sitch... could not happen again. At least, not if we have made permanent, positive changes in ourselves.

If you don't want to re-connect with your ex at this time, I completely understand.

[~¤DG¤~]

Just dropping by for a little bit of an update...

Reading some of your stories, I'm grateful that I don't have any kids with my ex, so we don't have to communicate anymore. My kids' Dad and I get along quite well so it isn't hard for me to keep in contact with him, but my second ex...for some reason that would be a lot more difficult. I think it has to do with the way that things ended with him and I.

I hope you are all doing well and that you have a safe memorial day weekend.