I'll give a quick redown of my sitch for anyone new or interested. I appreciate every bit of advice or perspective that anyone is willing to take the time to give!
BD #1-6/18/12 H "in love" w OW from work (didn't even suspect this could be possibly although in retrospect should have noticed all the signs)- EA even to this day no PA (yet)--pretty sure.
Went thru another summer w H contemplating moving out, but he didn't b/c his mother was very sick w cancer & ended up passing away 8/11/12.
B/C school was starting and our 3 boys & our entire family was newly grieving their g-ma's death we agreed it wouldn't be good timing (as if there is a good time) for H to move out.
H moved out beginning of November 2012. Has been 4 1/2 months. He recently announced he has "no intention of moving back in" & wants to divide our finances now.
H sees IC once a month; youngest 2 boys (S9 &S11) see C EOW; I see IC EOW.
H's only sister was recently diagnosed w breast cancer & is now receiving chemo. H's dad recently had brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor. And, H's aunt (his M's sister) was diagnosed within days of his sister with lymphoma.
I have been DBing before H even told me about OW & H has taken notice. BUT, he has only taken steps away from me and our family. None toward. It appears as though he's just taking his own sweet time to make any decisions, although I really don't know why.
Letting go. The topic of my thread is NOT about giving up or dropping the rope (yet). Although I truly do not believe my situation seems to be very hopeful, I want to believe in miracles. It is, instead, about letting go of any misbelief of my control of anything except myself. And, moving forward with my life with or without H.
Because we share 3 children H will always be part of my life. It may be only as co-parents. That is not what I want. We've been married 17 1/2 yrs and together for almost 21 years, the better part of our adult lives. I love him. At this point I wish I didn't, b/c he's made it clear his feelings for me are not the same. He's "in love" w OW and he's "not willing to let his feelings change."
I have taken inventory of my H's complaints and done several positive 180s (some of which come naturally to me now). I am working on the GAL portion of DBing, as the boys live w me and I have them every night (by my choice--although H visits them every day after school & during the afternoons on the weekends AT OUR HOUSE). He has expressed interest in taking them to do something (not at the house) more during the weekends.
My trust in God in guiding me through this journey and I have been blessed with many good friends and supportive family members too.
This place is my refuge and has been for months. All of you here are my rocks & without this support system I am sure I wouldn't be moving forward yet. So, thank you!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Love the title!! Let's let go & move forward together!!
I Agree that this place is a refuge. We all share a common bond, and are working at becoming the best people we can. You are an amazing woman and I'm glad to be walking this with you, turtle.
You rock!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
So much going on with me this week. Essentially I've been an emotional wreck (again). A couple of incidences- one the boys slept over at H's aptmt for the first time (well, first time for S11 and second time for other two).
It was fine the night they slept over, but boys all had fall-outs the next day when H dropped them off to me at church and then didn't bother to let them know he was not going to see them the rest of the day (as he usually comes over on Sun afternoons). Plus they didn't get a good night's sleep and S11 was ultra cranky.
Oh, there's just so much more, but I'm exhausted. I will catch up tomorrow...please just send me lots of good thoughts!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Hi turtlegirl. I just glanced back at the first post in your previous thread, and it's quite obvious that you are in a much better place today than you were back then. I know dealing with all this isn't easy, but it is essential that we continue to grow and become better, and yes, even happier people. Keep it up girl!
Originally Posted By: littleGTO
H's only sister was recently diagnosed w breast cancer & is now receiving chemo. H's dad recently had brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor. And, H's aunt (his M's sister) was diagnosed within days of his sister with lymphoma.
How are they doing? I hope you are still there for them, because that's what family is for. They are, and always will be part of your family. Continue to show them love and support.
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I have been DBing before H even told me about OW & H has taken notice. BUT, he has only taken steps away from me and our family. None toward. It appears as though he's just taking his own sweet time to make any decisions, although I really don't know why.
Could be he's just not sure of what he wants. Bailing on 21 years together is just not that easy of a decision to make. I'd say this is a good reflection on you, and your DB efforts.
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Letting go. The topic of my thread is NOT about giving up or dropping the rope (yet). Although I truly do not believe my situation seems to be very hopeful, I want to believe in miracles. It is, instead, about letting go of any misbelief of my control of anything except myself. And, moving forward with my life with or without H.
This is great! Continue with this mindset and you and your life will be golden.
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He's "in love" w OW and he's "not willing to let his feelings change."
Never mind that. Feelings change, and they can change again. Focus on the positive, and stay on course.
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I have taken inventory of my H's complaints and done several positive 180s (some of which come naturally to me now). I am working on the GAL portion of DBing,
Keep this up, for YOU.
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This place is my refuge and has been for months.
Agreed! Not sure where I'd be without this board. Bust On!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Sending all my love and positive thoughts GTO. Welcome back. I missed you
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Hi littlegto, our timelines are very similar. Hard to know when it's time to drop the rope and move on (where did that term come from anyways?). But it sounds like you're nearing acceptance and that should propel you forward.
My youngest dd always reacts badly to seeing H too and it's just hard to understand how the WAH don't see the damage they're doing to kids.
I was surprised to read that your H still goes to IC? Is he trying to understand his feelings? I can't think of any self-aware WAH so maybe that's a good thing?
