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A Message from Michele
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#2331008 03/19/13 01:29 PM
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stumbled across this link cleaing out my computer....quick update on wifes 6 month affair from 3 years ago. Still living in the same house but if not for the 3 kids would have been gone long ago. Sorry what people say on here, reading a book and councling do not make the angst and spite go way, only takes little things to set off one thing or another....it is in my opinion almost impossible to forgive the lies and hateful things that were said and done by her. and to this day she wants to act as if it never happened, she is embarrased by it but no one knows what she did and she wants to keep it that way.

good luck to anyone else who has to deal with the sleepless nights and putting up a fake front for friend and family (who would be repulsed by her actions) - but most of all for my kids i feel sorry that they don't have the parents that love and are affectionate to one another.

just another day living with her DECISION - total BS when people call it a MISTAKE....the mistake was getting caught in the DECISION they make.


M-37 W-36
S-11, S-9, D-4
PA exposed 3/13/10
10/19/10 moving on...
most up to date sit
gman #2331036 03/19/13 02:46 PM
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gman,

I am right in the same situation as you are. I agree that it wasn't a mistake. The cheating spouse made a decision to do what they did. Calling it a mistake only adds to their dilutions of being a victim. I am sick of my wifes lies and tired of putting on the front.

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Guys. I am the wife in my home and I was the one who had an affair.

When I tell my husband I made a mistake, I am not dismissing my choices or decisions. I am owning them and recognizing they are wrong.

I am calling it a "mistake" rather than a "tragic romance" or some such. I am calling a spade a spade. And infidelity is indeed a mistake, a huge ugly mistake.

People do make them. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive your wives guys. If they say it's a mistake, it means they love you and want you to love them again.

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I agree too. I cannot forgive, I cannot forget and I try to understand MY part of guilt in his decision. But I don't think it's my fault and I don't think I'll be able to get over it.
Don't know, maybe I need some more time, but it seems that I'll never trust him again.
God, how will I be able to live like this?

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Originally Posted By: shelly_shore
When I tell my husband I made a mistake, I am not dismissing my choices or decisions. I am owning them and recognizing they are wrong.

I am calling it a "mistake" rather than a "tragic romance" or some such. I am calling a spade a spade. And infidelity is indeed a mistake, a huge ugly mistake.

People do make them. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive your wives guys. If they say it's a mistake, it means they love you and want you to love them again.


I agree with this ^^^^.

I personally think it doesn't matter what you call it - a decision, a mistake, whatever. (Isn't making a wrong decision a mistake anyways?)

I think the key is if the cheating spouse realizes the damage done, is remorseful and wants to make things right and fix the marriage.

Yet none of that really matters if the betrayed spouse is not willing to forgive...

In the end, for some people infidelity is a deal breaker and we each have to look inside and determine if that is our case or not. If it is, then we are better off forgiving and moving on. if it's not, then we forgive and stand in the hopes that our cheating spouse turns around and wants to work on it.

Regardless of what we decide, WE will be better off forgiving - it's a gift we give ourselves, not our spouse.


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D






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Guys, I said to this my husband, and for him he said it was the true eye opener.


How can you, my husband, expect me to forget about my affair and embrace this marriage, if you can't forget?


You let go of the affair, and so will she. She can't, not without you right there beside her guys.

Help the both of you move on.

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I am in the process of forgiving...my wife has said she was so sorry and it was a big mistake. I truely believe that. However, she is still in the "i care for you but I have fallen out of love with you...". She was a classic MLC but has seemed to have taken a break.

Anyway guys, you have to find forgivness.

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And this issue is only three weeks since I confronted her....

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Sadly, if you cannot forgive your spouse guys, then the affair is still going... YOU are keeping it going.

YOU end the affair when YOU let it go.

Think back how many times you asked your SPOUSE to END her affair?

NOW who can't let go of the destructive behavior?

Come on guys... You can do this. She let go, now you do the same...

When you forgive guys, you let the hate and anger go... Your hate will consume you if you can't let it go soon. And your kids have to grow up in a home full of hate and bitterness rather than love.

Let it go for your kids, for yourself...

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I understand that "mistakes" are made....like when you make and addition error or subtraction error, affairs on the other hand, no matter how you look at them are "decisions". They are actions that have consiquences.

each situation is also different, i never KNEW about the affair that she hid for six months from me - it was only when i caught her with the OM wife in their lies that i knew, she was an evil witch for those six months to me. she still to this day doesn't want to talk about her choice and how it would affect others. the biggest regret that cheaters have...being caught.

forgivness sometimes is not an option if the cheater doesn't even attempt to mend any of the damage they did, they only want to "forget about it"...sorry kind of hard to forget that your wife was screwing a guy for 6 months behind your back


M-37 W-36
S-11, S-9, D-4
PA exposed 3/13/10
10/19/10 moving on...
most up to date sit
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