Is it too soon to give up hope?

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Hotwheels, the memories do stir emotions in our wives. It is just not enough. You have to move beyond the memories. There are other ways to use texts. I had a lot of other interactions that were very flirty. It really felt like it was going somewhere until the canceled trip. I probably moved too fast. I may try again, but I am not sure how well it will work the second time around.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

I am at a loss right now of what I can do. I feel like my interactions with w are moving in the direction of total indifference on her part. Just working on me, 180s, and GAL doesn't feel like enough.

[makingmagic]

2nd time... I sure know how that feels. I have done alot of work (still more to do), but doesn't seem to be working enough. I know that our last two times together (initiated by me), were reciprocated nicely.... but, I cannot read anything into it. I wish I could. But, its likely that he was just comfortable around me enough to sit down to enjoy a moment & thats that!

Im looking for further options/advice too.

Good luck with yours!

Magic!

[FlyOnTheWall]

Had to start new user profile as I found out wife was using/reading my posts.

Anyways, I know its hard to stay positive when the roller coaster seems like its on the down part of the ride. Its important that you don't project what you think she "might" be feeling. Sometimes its that space and distance that helps the both of you.

This is your chance to work on your issues, work on your being mysterious if that's how you need to look at it. I know the DB work doesn't seem like its working, but that's cause your having expectations towards your wife, not expectations of what YOU are getting out of it.

Take some of the issues you were having in your marriage and try to implement them into your everyday life. If you were grouchy, negative, passive, whatever, etc. Then next time your at the store, give someone walking by a big smile and ask them how they're doing?, compliment someone on their outfit? someone that looks frustrated or sad, give them a "you look like you got a lot on your mind" comment.

Last week I was at the check stand paying for groceries, the woman in front of me was on the phone arguing with her boyfriend, she'd just got off work, had to pick up dinner, was frustrated her boyfriend hadn't done anything in the house apparently, and I heard her make a comment "I cant keep doing everything, I need some help", wow did that strike home. I could see the frustration in her face. Anyways it was a bag your own groceries type store and she'd bought this giant bag of cat litter, 42 pounds, since I was waiting I grabbed the bag and put it under her cart and told her "With the look on your face it looked like you could use just a little bit of help". She smiled from ear to ear with a giant THANK YOU she almost started crying. As she was walking away and I started bagging my own groceries, she looked back to wave, and I gave her "Think positive or the rest of your day has no chance", she paused walking and said "your right!"

The moral of the story is your interactions don't have to be with your wife, a friend, or even a family member. Take the opportunities as they come to open yourself up, and maybe even make the day of a total stranger. It can be amazing how much better you feel about yourself too.

I almost hit submit, but I have a story from last night too actually. I was taking my evening walk, and down the sidewalk coming towards me was a woman running, really putting some effort in. This woman was a little over weight and im sure that's why she was out there..........I had about 20 seconds to think about saying something when out popped "Wow your working hard at it", she responded with a "thank you, glad someone is noticing". Probably made her feel good, at least I hope it did. But she obviously had a lot on her mind, and she got to vent for 1 second of her life. So make those connections, even if they aren't permanent.

[whitneypinch]

Wow, what a great post.

I too have become exactly this way. Every person I come in contact with I go out of my way to be extra nice.
You know what is starting to happen....... things are starting to open up, I am feeling better, women are noticing etc.
In fact I met a woman recently at a store I frequent. She lights up when I am at the store. I may ask her out soon.

It's amazing how much good actually comes back when you make others feel good.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Been texting with w today about her picking up mail when she asked me to have drinks with her. I was a bit surprised by this. We have met up a few times since we split. Normally I would be "busy" for her first request and we would work on rescheduling for two weeks. This time I went ahead and said yes. We'll see how it goes.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Ok. So it felt oddly like a first date. It wasn't like I was going to try for a kiss after, but it felt date-like (hard to explain and hopefully it wasn't all in my head). She text me after that she had fun we are apparently going out again a week from Friday. Maybe this is the slower pace we should have taken rather than planning the Vegas trip.

[MileHigh]

When my W moved out on our first separation 6 yrs ago we started dating again, for lack of a better word, but were still living apart. It was actually fun. We still needed time apart, to learn and grow as individuals. If we would have just started living together again, I think it would have been too soon, and would have put too much pressure on our R.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Reflecting on yesterday. In less than 12 hours I went from an emotional low to a high. What a roller coaster!! But I am really trying to not get too excited. There is a long road ahead with lots of ups and downs. Yesterday was different from the last few times I have gotten together with w. First off, I didn't try too hard to look irresistible. Last time I met her I showed up maybe a little overdressed; this time I wore shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops (given they were new and trendy; got a new wardrobe as part of my gal). I had a bit of a "whatever" kind of attitude and was happy with a "just friends" sort of meeting. The last time I met w I tried to create some sexual tension out of fear of being placed in the friend zone.

Last night W seemed really interested in one of the things I have been doing (sailboat racing), so I suggested she come along next time. We may do this next Friday (depending on if my friend who takes me is available). I am not sure if I should come up with a backup plan or just let it go if the boat race doesn't happen.

Anyway, back to last night. As I sat and talked to her she reached over and touched me a few times. The last time we met up I initiated touch. I think she was much more comfortable controlling to pace. But I don't believe I necessarily did the wrong things in earlier meetings. I think the contrast of the meetings may actually be a good thing.

Now I am going to wait and see what happens. And contact my friend about the racing.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Funny how some little things can really mess with your head. So my friend can't do the sailing races next Friday but could take us out Saturday. W had texted me right after we met saying "next Friday sounds like fun" as a response to my suggestion that she come along for the Friday night boat races. So now I have to decide if I should suggest something else for Friday or say we can do the boat thing, but on Saturday. And I don't want to seem too eager or excited. I am thinking of saying that I will be going out on the boat on Saturday and she is welcome to come along if she would like. It is hard to be "detached" and also interacting in this way.