Is it too soon to give up hope?

[2chiquitos]

ready for your trip?

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Wife canceld Vegas trip on Wednesday. She sent a text. "Please cancel Vegas trip. I can't go. Sorry." I was surprised only because she text me less than two days befor to say happy anniversary and reconfirm the trip. I tried to call her and she text that she was in meetings all day and said again to cancel the trip. I understand that the trip was probably a bad idea in the first place. But I was hopeful. I am not sure where to go from here.

[whitneypinch]

Oh man... I am so sorry to hear this.

Just know that there are other men out there dealing with WAWs that do the same thing.
I am divorced from my WAW for 5 years now. I still love her.
Recently we have gone out together with our kids. She has a wall up and once in a awhile lets it down and we all laugh etc.
BUT the second I say anything that she senses has an effect on her independence she slams down hard on me.
I believe a lot of these WAWs are all about their need for independence.

I have been getting along with my XW better in the last few months. She was seeing someone and ended it. So I asked her if she want to just go out and do something fun and light like a movie or walking the dog? She replied "Sorry, but she will pass on going out together".

I think eventually we all get fed up with this an just want to be with someone that is excited to be with us.

Sorry my friend.

[Thumpered]

The "Magical night" comment might have been just too much pressure from her to live up to. This is a woman looking for any excuse to end it, and also debating if you can change.

Please go back and reread your last 6-7 posts, you've made it all about her. All about pressure. What are your 180's, what are you doing for GAL.

Are you giving yourself and her enough space and time. I'm glad you realize the trip was a bad idea. That was putting a lot of pressure on yourself to pull off a perfect weekend. By your posts I could tell you aren't detached enough.....yet anyways.

Maybe you need to back up just a bit. Can u still go? Got a friend or brother/sister? I think it would be great if you could go have some fun yourself, for a few reasons. I hope you can figure something out.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

In w's mind we are already divorced. She won't file unless she meets someone and wants to marry that person. I know this because of her past behavior. She is not looking for change in me; she is done with me. (Even if she has lingering feelings) If we got together again, it would be an entirely new relationship. I am changing for me and any future relationship I have with her or anyone else.

My 180s: better financial stability and intimacy issues. I have been working hard on these and I have also gotten myself in the best physical shape of my life. And I am spending quality time with my kids.

I went into a period of almost no contact shortly after w and I split. This was mid February thru mid April. Mid April I started sending friendly text messages. I have gotten positive responses to 95% of the messages I have sent. At one point w said she would always love me and cherish the moments we had. W asked me to go to gym with her about 6 times and I agreed twice. We also met for drinks once and i got the ilybnilwy line. Still, I have been texting with her and getting hints that she still has feelings for me. The canceled trip is a huge set back for me. Otherwise I believe that my texting has been a positive. At this point I am thinking about how to respond to her cancelation. I think it is wrong to agree to do something and cancel without explanation 2 days before. Not that it is unexpected from a waw. I want to let her know that it was not a cool thing to do.

I canceled the Vegas trip and will probably spend the weekend with friends on the bay racing sailboats.

[Thumpered]

My only opinion would be what you say in response. I would recommend something no pressure is all.

"I'm really sorry your plans fell thru, I think you'd have had a really fun time in vegas" (noted* not fun with you, theres no you/me or we right now)

Of course its your wife, and you know her better than anyone here to say the least. I don't think you stating your dissatisfaction with her is gonna give you the results you would want either way is all imo. Or even that she might feel she owes you an explanation, might come off as controlling, or passive aggressive.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

I don't think one message is going to make or break my situation, so I am not too concerned with saying the wrong thing. I don't want to be weak, so I am going to call her out. For the past few months everything message I have sent has been positive, so I think a change up is in order. The whole situation is like trial and error figuring out what works and what doesn't.

Here is what I am thinking about sending ... I know .. There is loads of pressure here.. But I don't think in my case that pressure is the problem.. Being a "wuss" might be more of a problem. I don't expect a positive response. After sending I will leave her alone for at least a few weeks.

"I put a lot of thought, planning, and money into this Vegas trip that I am not going to be able to recover. The way things went down feels very wrong to me. It's not about the money. I just feel like I deserve an answer as to why you would agree to go on a trip, and then cancel two days before via text message without explanation."

[2ndtimearoundCA]

I never sent w the message above; I have been silent since she cancelled. She text me yesterday asking if I got our tax refund yet. Wow. To go from wishing me a happy anniversary and confirm a trip away with me. And then to cancel without explanation. And now to be asking about money...

[whitneypinch]

I feel for you man !!!

There really is not much you can do. It's a no win situation.
You could ask her why she cancelled the trip. You never know, there could be a reason that you don't know.
Or you could just say that you were sorry that she could not come on the trip.

In the last few weeks my XW has given me the opportunity to join her and our kids for meals out twice.
The meals were fun and the kids and I had a great time.
So, I asked my X if she would like to do something like a movie or walking her dogs.
She replied "sorry, I will have to pass on hanging out"

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Just after my last post w text again sounding pretty desperate to get tax refund. She makes a lot more money than I do, but she may be having cash flow problems. Maybe that is why she canceled (even though I was paying for trip she would ha e wanted her own spending money). All I can do is wait and see.