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A Message from Michele
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Re: Plan B [Re: Breakdown] #2328950
03/11/13 08:01 PM
03/11/13 08:01 PM
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Mach1 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Breakdown
He is a deal breaker for me and it's time I started acting like it.



Dealbreaker...

As in past behaviors ?

Current behaviors ?

Or future behaviors ????



I see you taking that turn that you have been looking for..

Just a word of caution. Remember to use that anger as a shield, and not as a sword.

It would be a beotch to take that turn, with your sword out, and YOU fall on it...


Clear as your Unicorn and Rainbow, black light poster ????

Re: Plan B [Re: Breakdown] #2328952
03/11/13 08:03 PM
03/11/13 08:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 613
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Spartan Offline
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Posts: 613
For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing.

Has your W thought she could really lose you these last 6-7 months? Especially with regards to OM?


Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are

Turn your trials into your testimonies

Don't believe everything you think

Expectations are resentments waiting to happen
Re: Plan B [Re: Spartan] #2328973
03/11/13 08:45 PM
03/11/13 08:45 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
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Breakdown Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Mach1
Dealbreaker...

As in past behaviors ?

Current behaviors ?

Or future behaviors ????


As long as she chooses to have a relationship with OM, I'm unavailable. There's no punishment intended here, no concern with the past, just a boundary for me.

Originally Posted By: Mach1
Just a word of caution. Remember to use that anger as a shield, and not as a sword.


An excellent reminder.

Originally Posted By: Spartan
Has your W thought she could really lose you these last 6-7 months? Especially with regards to OM?


Nope. How can you really show someone they can lose you if you aren't ready to let go of them?


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Re: Plan B [Re: Breakdown] #2328994
03/11/13 09:33 PM
03/11/13 09:33 PM
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Posts: 1,924
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jp787 Offline
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Posts: 1,924

Originally Posted By: Spartan
Has your W thought she could really lose you these last 6-7 months? Especially with regards to OM?

Originally Posted By: Breakdown


Nope. How can you really show someone they can lose you if you aren't ready to let go of them?


I tent to agree with this. Regardless of all the GAL, I too see it hard that my W would see that she could really loose me, as I know I don't want to loose her, and in that it must show to her.


M46,W41
D16,D18
M22,T25
BD 11/12
W moved out 01/13
Piecing 10/13
Divorced 01/15
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can."
UrWorthy
Re: Plan B [Re: jp787] #2329089
03/12/13 02:27 AM
03/12/13 02:27 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 59
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Bel123 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Breakdown
Nope. How can you really show someone they can lose you if you aren't ready to let go of them?

I have been following your stich Breakdown. I donít think I can speak from any experience that is relevant as I am new but it seems to me you have come a long away and either way, you are a better person now and will continue to improve for yourself. It takes a real man/woman to see the bigger picture and plan for it. I hope I have the same stamina as you. I just hope by the end I donít look back and regret the disrespect I am feeling. I hope you great luck on whatever you do!


Me:36,W:37
M:8, T:13
S:3yo, D:10yo (mine)
BD 10/12 and 01/13
DBing since 02/13
W moved out 8/13
Re: Plan B [Re: Valeska19] #2329322
03/12/13 10:48 PM
03/12/13 10:48 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
Colorado
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Denver_2010 Offline
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Colorado
Can't do Plan B at the same time as Plan A. Plan B follows a good time of doing Plan A.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
Re: Plan B [Re: Denver_2010] #2330749
03/18/13 06:35 PM
03/18/13 06:35 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
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Breakdown Offline OP
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Breakdown  Offline OP
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Journal:

Not much to update...plan B is difficult. First couple of weeks weren't bad, but then W started closing the distance between us. It's difficult trying to balance respecting myself and my boundaries and wanting to be close to W. I find myself making excuses...as long as she is initiating, as long as I have no expectations, etc etc. That said, things are pretty good on the homefront.

Last night I went out to listen to some music and when I got home (W had called multiple times), W admitted that she was actually jealous. She had gone to dinner with a girlfriend, but she didn't like the idea that I was out having a good time without her. Nice that she's taking notice.

I meet with my attorney tomorrow morning to bang out our D agreement and have decided to take the day off and do some fun things for me afterwards. All you can eat sushi lunch sounds like a good idea wink

On the GAL front, I'm almost half way thru the Body Beast program. My shirts are getting tighter and I'm feeling and looking pretty good. I signed up to do Tough Mudder with a buddy of mine in the fall and am probably going to start training for a half marathon with SIL in the coming weeks. I made a batch of mead with my brother this weekend...first time in over a year, so that's goodness.

Interesting weekend coming up...W has her mom and best friend (with little ones) coming to the house to die eggs. MIL has never really liked me much, but W's BFF and I connected around x-mas and she was impressed with all my changes. I plan on sticking around just long enough for them to miss me and then disappear to a bday party in the early evening.


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Re: Plan B [Re: Breakdown] #2330758
03/18/13 07:07 PM
03/18/13 07:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 733
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Tallula Offline
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I'm in a similar emotional place. We arn't in the D process, and a month and a half into S, but my H is really pulling the cake eating card. Romancing me AND OW.

Unfortunately he has really responded to my pulling back. I still have stayed pulled back, even though I ML with him friday night. That's definately not happening again unless OW is out of the picture. But, I do feel that he has never felt that I would actually move on yet. He knows that I will be fine, and am ok with it ending, but not that I am actually more convinced that we will not get back together...which I am.

I don't plan to tell him this, I am just going to take a much stronger stance on OW. No more family time, as dark as I can get. Still kind, but limited contact.

Good luck with this weekend!!


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Re: Plan B [Re: Tallula] #2331276
03/20/13 02:50 AM
03/20/13 02:50 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,144
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Breakdown Offline OP
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I'm going to steal this from Joel Osteen today as I think it's relevant to where I'm at, and good advice for all:

Quote:

If you are currently in a storm, God is saying, ďRise above it. Quit fighting. Quit trying to change things that only I can change.Trust in Me."


M:44 W:42
M:15
S:19, D:16, S:14, D:12, S:6
BD: 2/14/11
D Final: 6/25/13
Re: Plan B [Re: Spartan] #2331279
03/20/13 02:57 AM
03/20/13 02:57 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,695
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JuneReN Offline
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Originally Posted By: Spartan
For what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing.

Has your W thought she could really lose you these last 6-7 months? Especially with regards to OM?


BTW Spartan, is was this that led me to my current place... Thanks smile

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