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A Message from Michele
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Re: LIfe after DB [Re: BklynMom] #2326472
03/01/13 08:37 PM
03/01/13 08:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,655
L
LITB Offline
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LITB  Offline
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L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,655
Nine,

You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for stopping by to give us an update. I applaud you and your new found and much deserved happiness.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: ninelives] #2326710
03/02/13 08:27 PM
03/02/13 08:27 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,493
S
sandi2 Offline
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sandi2  Offline
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S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,493
It's very kind of you to remember us. I have thought of you many times and wondered how you were. Thnk you so much for letting us know about your new love. You deserved it, Nine!

God bless,
Sandi


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: sandi2] #2326719
03/02/13 09:52 PM
03/02/13 09:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
2
25yearsmlc Offline
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25yearsmlc  Offline
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2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
Nine,

So glad you hear from you. I think of you (and your late w) often.

I couldn't be happier to hear about how you now realize your late w's death was NOT your fault. I'm happy about the new woman in your life too, although from your words it sounds as if you'd have been alright without a new woman too.

How are your boys doing these days? My dad's death was years ago, but I have to say that the death of a parent is sort of underrated. I still think of him often. But what can you do?

Like you said, either get busy living or get busy dying and you chose the first option. Do you feel like the boys are? What kinds of struggles have they had? Does counselling help them? School or sports?

Keep us posted Nine.

You have no idea the value of your journey to others, and I hope also, for you and your sons. I wish all the best for you and your boys.

Nine, you're a strong brave loving man.

((((( )))))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: 25yearsmlc] #2327000
03/04/13 10:37 AM
03/04/13 10:37 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
2
25yearsmlc Offline
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25yearsmlc  Offline
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2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
Hey Nine,

as hurt as you were before your w's death (let alone after)

has time and more information about her diagnosis helped you put her choices in context?

I mean, if I recall correctly, sexual behavior outside the marriage is a hallmark of that type of illness, and when she realized this illness was going to be a lifelong challenge if unmanaged (which I guess she did not feel she could manage)

then she chose to "exit, stage left". Point is, while it's true "she cheated", do you see that it was not personal to you? Although Lord knows it feels like the MOST personal of all things...

I only ask b/c 1) i hope you can see that her ill self cheated, not the woman you married, and 2) I've since met someone with a similar diagnosis, made after a 2 year period of erratic semi dangerous behaviors...she's my friend but I feel for her h. She has been angry at him but now is beginning to own "it ALL" and that's probably not fair...also a moot point right now. She is facing AN UPHILL struggle of undetermined length.

If you had something to tell HER h, what would it be?
So far his wife is taking the meds and feeling/acting more normal towards him & the kids,

BUT facing the wreckage of her actions, even while sick, is extremely shame filled and hard for her.
Dark thoughts cross her mind.

Just thought I'd ask...and yes, I'll refer either or both to this site but not sure they would come here. They are still reeling..both of them.

Thanks for any advice -- and thanks for just letting us know you are okay.

Hugs to your boys...


((( )))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: 25yearsmlc] #2327148
03/04/13 08:22 PM
03/04/13 08:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,239
Ohio
J
JustStunned Offline
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JustStunned  Offline
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J
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,239
Ohio
Nine, I too am very happy to read your update. I am not as eloquent as 25 or any of the previous posters.

Pressing the nonexistent like button.

25, I love that you continue to try to help. Wishing your friends success.


BITS
Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55
D 30
S 27

You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: JustStunned] #2327178
03/04/13 09:48 PM
03/04/13 09:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 497
B
Brian in Hville Offline
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Brian in Hville  Offline
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B
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 497
Good to hear from you Nine! Glad things are great for you and your kids.

For those of you new to the board, look up the toilet story!


Me: 39
W: 44
SS 24
SD: 20
M: 13
T: 15
Bomb: 2/16/11
EA: 2/14/11
Papers Signed 4/13/11
Divorced 5/13/11
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: BklynMom] #2327531
03/06/13 02:02 AM
03/06/13 02:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,024
Ontario , Canada
N
ninelives Offline OP
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ninelives  Offline OP
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N
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,024
Ontario , Canada
hey all ,, thanks for the kind words. Sorry to see so many of you still here. 25, i have read up some on the disease but not as much as i should have. I do understand that the things she was doing was not really her and i have made peace with that. The scumbag that she was seeing and that beat her served only a little time in jail, and only on weekends. Not going to get into the injustice of our justice system hear. And he had the gull to actually charge me for telling him what i thought about him,, maybe not as well mannered as i usually am,, but i did lose my temper when i saw him downtown. Trouble is,, i still see him from time to time as i live in a very small town..And it takes all i have not to engage with him,


BITS
M-46
W-42
M-16y
T-19 y
s10 s15
BombDec.19/09
Sep-F16/10
Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10
Recon July 5/10
PA foundOut- Oct 30/10
Mental HospNov/10
moved out Nov/10
Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: ninelives] #2327666
03/06/13 04:30 PM
03/06/13 04:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 497
B
Brian in Hville Offline
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Brian in Hville  Offline
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B
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 497
Nine...That's why you invite me, Country, and Denver to come visit you and we make a trip at midnight to "take care of business"!


Me: 39
W: 44
SS 24
SD: 20
M: 13
T: 15
Bomb: 2/16/11
EA: 2/14/11
Papers Signed 4/13/11
Divorced 5/13/11
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: Brian in Hville] #2327687
03/06/13 05:31 PM
03/06/13 05:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
2
25yearsmlc Offline
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25yearsmlc  Offline
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2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
CA- now East coast
Originally Posted By: Brian in Hville
Nine...That's why you invite me, Country, and Denver to come visit you and we make a trip at midnight to "take care of business"!


and I hope there's a woodshed there... cool

PS

Nine, of course, you know you don't want POS to have ANY power or role in your life. Maybe someday you'll see him as a small but pivotal character in a nightmare you once had...and maybe he'll move away. (Make sure it's HIM that feels the discomfort of his choices, not you.)

As for our justice system, oh Lordy, I really hear you.

Somedays I just want to apologize to the country for my profession and how we've gotten sooo off track. Then again, it's juries made up of "regular people" who give acquittals to OJ and Casey Anthony...b/c imo, they did not want the responsibility they accepted when the got on the jury. OR they were too dense to understand how to use logic and deductive reasoning.
Last summer, to my utter shock, I was picked to be on a jury. I always get the boot but not this time. Here's a question that was asked of us before the trial.

"Imagine you saw a boy standing next to a swimming pool and he was soaking wet. You see that he has floaties on his arms, and there are wet footprints leading from the swimming pool to where the boy is standing a few feet away. Based on these facts, would you reasonably conclude that the boy had been in the pool?"

I kid you not, 2 jurors said "I'd need MORE information". tired

(Like what, a video tape of him splashing??) Guess I'll end my law speech now.

B/c if I play the blame game, I get all wound up.

I thank you for posting Nine...

I send you and your boys HUGS and tenderness.

God bless!


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Re: LIfe after DB [Re: ninelives] #2329323
03/12/13 10:49 PM
03/12/13 10:49 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
Colorado
D
Denver_2010 Offline
Member
Denver_2010  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,031
Colorado
Nine! Long time no talk. Unfortunately, I am busy as h@ll right now and can't catch up on everything. I will be back! Hope you are well!


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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