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What you say is true l'infidele. I am very attached to the boys (and vice versa) and very concerned about them right now especially, they are really suffering. But I am not enmeshed with them in an unhealthy way. I will take note of what you say because it makes sense. Thanks.

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Weekends are exhausting. I am keeping my nose out of H and sons relationship. H came to see the boys today and I stayed out of it and quiet. Didn't interfere or provide support. He stayed 3.5 hours. It is very hard for me to have him in the house, but I did well. Nothing else to say except this is hard. And exhausting.

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Can you reward yourself with a bubble bath or something? It is hard, and sounds like you did very well.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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Tig, you are doing awesome!!

Calgon took me away tonight!


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
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Tig, do you have to stay in the house when he's there? Go get your nails done or something.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Thank you all. Yes I have to stay in the house. My S5 and to a lesser degree S8 do not want to be alone with him right now--either that or they don't want to be away from me. Remember H very suddenly disappeared while they were sleeping. I think the little one is afraid that I will disappear too. He can only take H in very small doses on his own(like 3 minutes). S5 won't even come to the phone when H calls to say goodnight.

Also I do not trust H in the house. It's the only place I have left that is "safe". As soon as I walk out my door or even by a window I get the feeling I am being observed by the OW who lives across the street. Too many times I have literally put my key in the door coming home and the phone is ringing and it is H. Not a coincidence. I try not to be paranoid but I feel like I am living in a fishbowl sometimes. H has lied so many many many times I don't feel comfortable with him going through my things or documents or maybe he would take things that mean a lot to me (photos, keepsakes).

Detaching detaching detaching. I am coming to understand he has done me a favor in many ways. Reflecting upon all of this nonsense makes me wonder how long I could wait for him to make the necessary changes for us to be able to restore our marriage. Surely I'd be on to greener pastures by the time he was able to do that much work on himself. Sorry if it sounds like I'm so great and he's a mess. I know I have lots to work on, too. But it's sort of true.

On Thursday night it will be 4 weeks. It has been a HUGE change for us and since H and I never fought I truly believe the boys were especially blindsided.

Last night the boys and I went to Rainbows. It's a national program for kids (and parents)which is free of charge to help families transition after loss of a family member due to death, divorce, abandonment, etc. The kids absolutely loved it. Helped them to see that they're not the only ones. They can't wait to go back. Some of the people have been going for years--helps build self-esteem and helps everyone reflect and share feelings better. They served snacks and I realized my boys are vultures. Very obvious I don't let them eat Doritos at home and they inhaled bag after bag. They went into their first session with orange mouths, hands and shirts (where they wiped their hands). A proud mommy moment for me wink

Also I saw one of my friends (we are both leaders in a local organization--I haven't seen her in a few months since she has been going through a divorce herself). I walked up to her and said, "Surprise!" and she looked at me and burst into tears. She said--I never would have guessed ever, no, no no. not you too! A sad moment. Was grateful for the support. I haven't told many people...

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How great that you have that resource for you and the kids.

With what you described, I can understand that the kids would be worried about losing you, too. What painful thing for him to do, for everyone.

((()))


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Things keep trucking along. Heartbreak, emotions, and me trying trying trying not to get sucked up in drama, disappointment, trying to detach. Hard to do. Especially when he's in my house pretty much every day, acting so happy and normal.

There is nothing to say. More lies discovered, more disappointment. I know the future is bright, but right now is bad. The divorce proceedings will be stressful and probably cause more problems. The kids finding out about the affair will be a new layer of pain and conflict....this is yet to come...not sure when...

I am sick of my life. I long for boring problems. The drama is stressful and overwhelming. Every day something new. Just when I think it can't get worse...there is more...and more to come. and every day I get up, smile and laugh and play with the kids, keep our home clean, put food on the table, and pour out my heart to my friends that lift me up. What I would do without them is not even worth thinking about.

Off to therapy today and I have no idea what to say. I am strong but am reaching my breaking point. I need some respite from my life and there is none in sight.

That's the state of my life. So sick and tired of my life right now.

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Man, Tig, I feel you. I'm in a similar place right now. I'm still "standing", but I have made a mental shift to this may be the end...for me. I don't think my H will be able to change enough of his demons to be faithful. I don't need to make a decision now. Frankly, I can't D him until I can this baby anyway. So we are separated, and I live in that.

I'm sorry you keep finding out more. I understand that!!! Remember that you ate still only 4 weeks from this craziness. Most of the books I have read say not to make a decision in the first 6 months. I mean, your H is rushing a D. You can just live in the now.

You are so strong!!! I hope you can get some kind of break to recharge. Your children are blessed to have you as a mom!


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
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