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So sorry you are going through this, but I do think you are doing the right thing by finding out some of these things.

And sadly, although the evidence is all circumstantial, I do think you're right about what H is doing in Vegas. Sad how transparent they can be when they're lying, lol.

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abbey, sorry you are going through this.

but at least, one way or the other, you will not have to be in doubt. I think the doubt, and gas-lighting, has been the thing that upset you the most, even more than the existence of OW.

I guess you need to decide, what do you feel is best *for you* at this stage. what is your best-case scenario? and if that turns out to be not possible, what is your second-best-case scenario?

it may or may not be what other people think you "should" do. you need to decide what your own goals are - what is best *for you*.

and then use what you learn from the atty and PI to work at obtaining either the best-case or second-best-case scenario.

first define your goals; then map out how to get there.

and if you need to vent, you have friends here.


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also, don't say

Originally Posted By: abbey1989
I know that my sitch must sound pathetic.

no, it's not! and don't blame yourself. until now you did what you could, based on the limited information available

Originally Posted By: abbey1989
No one else to talk to.....

I know how that it is! that is one of the main problems with a situation like this, you can't really discuss it with anyone you know.

Originally Posted By: abbey1989
So scared and alone right now.

don't feel that way. we're here even if you can't see us smile

Originally Posted By: abbey1989
thank you all for being my sounding board.

I once heard a story, that when Abraham Lincoln needed to make one of his major decisions during the Civil War - he was getting lots of advice from all sides about what everyone thought he should do. he contacted an old friend from Springfield Illinois, who spent two days on a train coming to Washington. when the friend arrived, Lincoln sat him down and started to tell him all the arguments for and against each option. whether to make the decision one way or the other. and after 6 hrs of Lincoln telling his friend the pros and cons of each option, during which the friend wasn't able to get a word in edgewise... Lincoln said, "thank you, now I know what I will do." and he then put his friend back on the train for the two-day trip back to Springfield.

just talking about it with a sympathetic listener had helped him decide what to do. sometimes you need a "sounding board" to help you organize your thoughts.

Originally Posted By: abbey1989
Thank for listening.....

that's what we're here for! stay strong! smile


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Have you met with the attorney yet?

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How are you, Abbey???

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Hi KML,

I haven't....but will. I am no longer in control of money. I need to save up a little stash. I have been in the middle of planning my parent's 50th wedding anniversary party which is next month. It has kept me very busy and distracted from all of my real life stuff. Just got back from a trip to Tahoe with H and D19. Love it there...but H worked just about every day. I know that it is "good", seeing that he hasn't really worked prior to May for over a year, but he even flew from Reno to Tahoe and back to Reno on one of the days for a business meeting. He worked at least 4 hours every day while there, and wasn't very engaging. Even D19 noticed and kept nagging him (glad is wasn't me!) haha. We did kayak, bike and hike as a family so that was nice.

So...just kind of waiting until after all of our east coast company comes and leaves, and the big 50 party is over!

Sometimes I find that if I just sweep it under the carpet in my brain, that I can get through each day, and pretend that everything is normal. Then...from time to time....it all just comes creeping (rushing) back in, and all of those same horrible feelings surface. Not a single day goes by when I don't think about it. So then I try to read uplifting, self help stuff to help get me through.

Our 24th wedding anniversary is coming up next week. I remember posting here prior to our 20th.


Me - 49
H - 56
S - 23
D - 20
Married 25 years
H moved out 10/11/13
H moved back in 10/13/13
H moved out again 8/1/14
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Refilled my happy pill prescription today (it's been 2 years). I hope this helps.......:(


Me - 49
H - 56
S - 23
D - 20
Married 25 years
H moved out 10/11/13
H moved back in 10/13/13
H moved out again 8/1/14
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You may need it, but it's not going to change your situation.

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Hi Abbey,

I hope you parents 50th anniversary party went well. How are you doing?


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JUst checking in, Abbey

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