Limbo Land III

[MrBond]

"I ask, once again, not whether I should want this or anything about her moving her stuff out. I ask a VERY TARGETED QUESTION about the MAIL and get answers for everything else."

And you got a VERY TARGETED ANSWER even before. Everyone told you to tell her to pick up her stuff and forward her mail right after she left. HOWEVER, you didn't want to listen and continued to debate about why you "couldn't" "wouldn't" do that.

And let's get this straight. You have had outstanding help from people on the boards when you needed it the most. Everyone here does it on their own free time because they see someone in need. You DO NOT have the right to post something this rude as if we were an analyst you were paying. The reason why everyone left your post is because you started being rude and was a d*ck.

You've changed from a person who was starting to understand, into an @$$.

[jzoom]

So I said I was saying goodbye and I did for awhile. I was being a real jerk on here for awhile and I apologize to everybody. While I haven't been perfect at DBing I've made some improvements but still just I guess I'm too impatient.

I haven't stopped seeing the other women and there is one I've been spending the most time with. She recently broke up and doesn't want a serious relationship, though we are finding the companionship of each other nice.

The last few weeks I've focused on GALing, even when it is just hitting the bar. Just haven't been talking to my ex and at the end of March finally got her stuff out of the house. I had to contact her because some mail came here and I told her that she needed to get a change of address filled out. She told me she submitted one.

So then I did backslide, and somewhat due to drinking, texted her and called her a liar and cheater. She asked why I couldn't get over everything and move on, which she thought I did with a new woman. I told her that I just wanted her to face up to what she did wrong and apologize for cheating on me. That the past year with her was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I see what kind of person she really is and how I'm better off without her.

Then I said how she could put on Facebook that she's "in a relationship" with the new guy but wouldn't do that ever while we were together. Next thing I'm telling her that I still miss her no matter how much we hurt each other.

So she had something she needed to give me and I had the mail for her. Yesterday I was busy and told her we needed to figure out a time today. She told me sometime in the evening and I told her I'd be riding motorcycle all day and let her know when I was home. Then we stop on the ride and stupid me texts her "I miss having you ride the bike with me" and she tells me to stop texting her. We stop again and I respond, "Ya know, riding with you was great. Poker run was one of the best days I've ever had. You still think I was ALL about sex and nothing else though." and get "stop texting me".

So then I don't text until I'm home and she says she was already on this side of town and can't make it back tonight. I tell her to give me her address and I'll drop of the mail and pick up my thing. She gives it to me and I head over. I see that they did indeed get a house together and it's a very quick interaction between us. I tell her it looks like a nice place and she mumbles thanks and runs off.

I get in the car and text her, "I'm glad you're happy and have a house. You look beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful life. I do love you and miss you *name* but I know that nothing I say is going to fix things between us. Take care of yourself and the kids. I love you."

She responds, "im sorry the way things turned out things dont work out between everyone. just because were not together doesnt mean we cant be friends"

I didn't respond to that. Anymore mail that comes here is getting marked "return to sender" and dropped in a mailbox. I can't just be friends with her because I'm not over her, I want more from her, and being "just friends" I can't cope with, especially while she is living with him.

At the same time, I guess it's only by remaining kind that there's any chance she'll ever come around. I mean, I've probably ruined things so badly, screwed up DBing so badly, that there is no turning this around.

I just can't see trying to be friends, just trying to chit-chat, or her asking me for help and me helping. I feel like that's me just letting her use me more and me being needy if I agree, "sure, we can be friends" and helping her. At the same time, if I'm just like "we can't be friends" (which I've already said to her) and just ignore her then I'm not leaving the door open for reconciliation if things go sour with the new guy.

So other than me continuing to get my head straight, GAL, and not contact her anymore with stupid texts I really don't know what to do. :-/

[jzoom]

Going to the bar on the weekends isn't about banging other women, I'm actually just attempting to be social and I'm just getting to know new people and have some laughs. With warmer weather I'm going to be out on the motorcycle more. No insurance so no therapy.

I decided there was nothing I could really say to the last text so I didn't. Seems like this little shred of hope is thrown at me with the whole "we can still be friends" but I don't want to hang onto that.

Guess IF she contacts me in a friendly way or shows interest in me again I'll handle it then. No point in trying to figure it out right now.

[AnotherStander]

I think you probably killed whatever tiny inclination she may have had to think about you in a positive light. If you had just kept silent and gone dark then she -might- have started wondering what you were up to and maybe even missing you a little, but going all passive/ aggressive like that is just going to confirm to her that she was right to leave you.

I agree with gabbysmom23, your actions sound very stalkerish. Keep it up and you may find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order.

Your only play at this point is to write her off and move on with your life. You weren't married, you don't have kids together, you only dated a brief time and she clearly has a new life. You need to get a new life too.

Good luck!

[jzoom]

Actually, prior to the past couple of days I had been very good. I hadn't contacted her and there were a couple times where contact was necessary I was polite and brief, didn't come across as needy, stalkerish, or angry. Just put my foot down about getting her stuff out of my house and while she was at my house moving the stuff I kept my emotions under control. It was just the past couple of days that I backslid bad.

I don't want to be her friend because I know I'll always want more. I told her that and I have no intention of being "friends" with her. I am making new friends and spending time with old friends.

I'll go dark and keep working on myself as best I can. I can't deny that I want her back and that if one day she contacts me about reconciliation, I'm going to consider it. For now though I'm treating her as a stranger, if I see her in public I won't bother her and if I get the urge to text her I'll go find something, anything, else to do.