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Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Soul.Searching] #2328662
03/10/13 01:20 PM
03/10/13 01:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Sonoran Desert
It's a tough journey but you're doing it.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: labug] #2328737
03/10/13 09:11 PM
03/10/13 09:11 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,327
Los Angeles, CA
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Valeska19 Offline
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Valeska19  Offline
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Posts: 1,327
Los Angeles, CA
SS,
Sorry you are in so much pain. It's not easy when your spouse turns their back on you.

I was angry for many months.. consistently.

My advice to you now is to wait on your actions. Actions motivated by pain and anger are usually ones that you regret. In fact - they aren't actions at all.. they are reactions.

Use the anger to move forward... but don't let the anger use you.


M(f): 38
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Valeska19] #2328819
03/11/13 12:07 PM
03/11/13 12:07 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
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Soul.Searching Offline OP
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Soul.Searching  Offline OP
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Thanks Bug and Val. actually I'm not really in pain or even angry. I was angry about him most likely going to OWs kids game instead of our S but that anger didn't last long. Mostly I'm just sick of him ignoring me and then having the nerve to contact me when he wants something. I'm think I'm just done. He is getting himself further and further in debt and I'm the one left here struggling to pay for all the things our kids need. I'm the one who brought all their back to school stuff. I'm the one who just paid out another $200.00 to the school. I'm struggling to pay the $400 for their sports. I have about 2 weeks until my car will be unregistered. I'm thinking I will be without a car for at least a month.
His $75 a week covers crap! That's like $37.50 a week per child!!

I'm just done dealing with it all. The sad thing is,.. He hasent changed. I just have my rise coloured glasses off now. Honestly I just don't like him much.

I'm stuck in limbo anymore. I'm not standing but I guess the door may possible be closed but not locked. I'm just living my life.
I know I will be in a relationship again,.. Who it's with, I have no idea.
I'm not waiting for him. I'm living my life and I actually really like it for the most part. Just financial stuff is hard to deal with sometimes but where there's a will theres a way.

It's in gods hands now. I'm just living my life and living it.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Soul.Searching] #2328822
03/11/13 12:37 PM
03/11/13 12:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,695
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JuneReN Offline
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Hey SS, I totally get where you are coming from, trust me! My H informed me the reason he can't see D's race is that he is driving GF to airport. Now, to give him a break, he did try to change it to day before, since airport is over the border and he did agree a long time ago to drive. BUT, this meant he forgot,again, D's race schedule and I don't agree with his choice which brought me to this:

Isn't my choice-lol!! Not responsible for what he chooses...Was I p*ssed? Yup,. Disappointed? Yup. But it hit me that his life and choices are not mine. Sounds silly because we all preach it all the time, but today I finally understood it and accepted it.

Now I can say to myself, "Do I want someone in my life who makes these kinds of choices?" Can I forgive the choices, forget the choices or decide that this is not who I want in my life? Can I work around this? Does this matter?

I get to ask some cool questions without my glasses and you do too!

I also agree with Valeska, I wanted to write H and say that I am not good with his stupid decision, because I was mad. I let it go for a bit and the above realization hit me. I didn't and am glad because he has to live with decision and D. I mean so do I, but I cannot control what he does. Helps if I look at him as another species sometimes lol!!

Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: JuneReN] #2328841
03/11/13 01:19 PM
03/11/13 01:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Sonoran Desert
So SS what emotions are you feeling? I think it's important to be able to name your feelings, feel them and let them pass. By saying you aren't angry when you may be is what will keep you stuck. Anger isn't a bad thing, acting on it may be but to deny anger or hurt doesn't move us further along. It only mires us in resentment.

It's usually a part of what go us here.

You are worthy of being angry when someone does something that takes advantage of you or your children.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: labug] #2328897
03/11/13 04:16 PM
03/11/13 04:16 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,327
Los Angeles, CA
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Valeska19 Offline
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,327
Los Angeles, CA
I agree with bug. Go back and read your entries and tell us what emotions stick out to you.


M(f): 38
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Valeska19] #2329338
03/12/13 11:38 PM
03/12/13 11:38 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
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Soul.Searching Offline OP
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Soul.Searching  Offline OP
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Posts: 582
Yes, I was angry, actually I seem red for the first 10 mins or so! Then I was angry for a little longer. I was upset/ hurt, not for me but for my children. They will most likely find out. I did feel these emotions but they really did just wash over me. They didn't really last long. Maybe half an hour in total.

His actions have nothing to do with me. What he says/ does says nothing about me or my children but says everything about him.

It is sad, definitely but it is what it is. As a mother, I would obviously not let my children be subjected to this, if I could prevent it. Unfortunately, in this circumstance, there is nothing I can do, without causing further damage.

All I can do now is sit back and try to pick up the pieces as best I can.

H tells me that no one else knows him like I do,... I feel I don't even know him anymore. So that means no one knows him. Honestly I don't think he knows himself anymore and I've told him that. He agrees with me.

When I see him now, I don't see my husband, I see a stranger. It's actually quite eerie.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Soul.Searching] #2330447
03/17/13 02:09 PM
03/17/13 02:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
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Soul.Searching Offline OP
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Soul.Searching  Offline OP
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S
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
So H turned up to S8's match yesterday. He looked like crap!! Lately when I have seen him he has been in baggy work clothes. Yesterday he was in shorts and a shirt. He has lost soo much weight, there is nothing to him!! He was very unshaven and just looked like a bum!! Every time I see him he goes on about being tired and not sleeping. I don't know what is going on with him but its not good.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Soul.Searching] #2336416
04/06/13 03:03 PM
04/06/13 03:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
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Soul.Searching Offline OP
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Soul.Searching  Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
Well, it's been a while since I posted here. I needed a break away from the site. It was just getting too much, reading all these posts.

I'm doing good though and so are my kids. smile

H is much the same. He has the kids at Easter, for the first time in over 5 weeks. He took them up there and left them with someone else while him and his girlfriend went out most the night! Then he dropped them back to me at 8:30 Easter morning,..... He spent Easter Day babysitting his GF's kids,.. Nice huh??
Then expected me to take our kids to his family's function.. Hmm
He has a new job up there now and told my son that he can only go to every second football game now because he will be going to his GF's sons, every other weekend. Her son has never played before,.. H put him in this year.
So yeah, basically H is still a d1ck!

I feel better than I have in a long time,.. I'm slowly finding the old me and I like her!! The old me but a lot wiser. The kids are settling great, they are not so fused about H anymore. I find they are better when they don't see him much.

Bring on life!!!


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: Soul.Searching my way back (#2) [Re: Soul.Searching] #2358379
06/15/13 04:33 AM
06/15/13 04:33 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 674
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subguy Offline
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Posts: 674
SS, how are you doing??


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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