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Bea,
The flood gates have opened and I think you'll be getting a lot of emails from him. I wouldn't be surprised if he does get up the nerve and start calling you. When they start connecting, they use any and all excuses to contact you. It could be something really stupid and off the wall or it could be something that interests you, like a concert, art exhibit, etc., but they will find a way to chat w/you. They don't realize how transparent they are in reconnecting w/the spouse. LOL!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2332139 03/22/13 07:26 PM
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Oh boy, Bea. This might get interesting. And yea, there's only so much you can say about a toothbrush. LOL!

job #2332144 03/22/13 07:31 PM
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I am tempted to laugh about just how spot on you are - yes it was about a film we had both enjoyed, and the attempt to write a book about what happened before and after, make a tv series and even a musical!! He wants an address to send me the book as a gift. Remember this was the man who was sooo abusive to us all for such a long time. Does he remember any of it I wonder?

Also he was wondering about buying an electric toothbrush or not. [I have started using one while on my own!) You are right absolutely transparent. I still think OW2 is lurking about, but frankly, like Rhett Butler 'I don't give a d*mn'

Still on my journey towards the light. For me the MLC journey has been a pilgrimage about love, and its nature. Still so much to learn.

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Oh my goodness, the excuses he is using to contact you. Seriously, an electric toothbrush discussion? LOL!

If the OW2 is lurking around, then that's all she's doing is lurking and means absolutely nothing to him. He is very much aware of your detachment and how far you've come on your own. Oh, they do remember some of what they've said and done, but a small amount is lost. They have a way of turning a blind eye to things and hope, against hope, that you have forgotten about the "bad/evil" stuff they've done. They hope that w/the passage of time, all is forgotten. They don't realize just how terrible the destruction was and that we were of our sane mind and will remember a lot of what was said and done. Trust me, my dear, he knows you don't give a d@mn about what's going on with him and in his life and that's bugging the crap out of him right now and you are proving to be a challenge to him. Remember how it was in school when someone doesn't want to give a certain person the time of day and how that certain person practically stood on their head to get attention? Well...I think that's what you've got going on right now!

You are light years ahead of him and your journey has taken you to places that you never dreamed of going, but look what you've discovered along the way, i.e., love and compassion. Learning is an open book and I have a feeling you are going to learn a whole lot more while on your journey and I hope that you will continue to share w/us what you have learned.

Now, about that toothbrush...I wonder what it is about them that these mlcers get obsessed about. I'll have to go check mine out and see if it sends transmission to the Mother Ship. LOL!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2332165 03/22/13 08:21 PM
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I laughed out loud about the toothbrush! I hadn't realised how detached I had become. So liberating.

Wondering how long he will scuttle back to the rabbit hole this time.

Busy weekend ahead.

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Just for my own curiosity, how often did he contact you in the past 6 years?
Wasn't he pretty much a vanisher?


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2332284 03/23/13 08:31 AM
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Oh yes, we would go months/years without contact - and when he did contact me it was often abusive. When I saw him in February of this year I hadn't seen him to speak to since around June 2010 (although I did see him in court when our divorce was finalised).

He called once in September 2011 when my middle son was going through a bad time, and we have emailed once every few months since then. My bomb drop was October 2005, and he was a real touch an go merchant. Usually out of the blue suggestions for reconciliation, which I can now see were nothing of the kind!

This latest round is very strange. I am far beyond anger, and have nothing to prove. In fact, as I mentioned it is actually quite funny. I find him a bit dull and sad to be honest. Oh dear, not a very nice thing to say.

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Well the different contact types more than likely relate to their process within the crisis.

I find it fascinating at some level, more from a scientific point of view.

Thanks for the info.


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2332300 03/23/13 01:30 PM
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" Still on my journey towards the light. For me the MLC journey has been a pilgrimage about love, and its nature. Still so much to learn."

^^^^Love this, my friend^^^^^

This is interesting, for sure. And now you are coming from a place of strength and detachment so you can just be you. I hear you on the dull and sad part. Feel the same about my ex.

I have told my ex this was his loss. He wasnt going to find someone better than me! LOL!

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Out of curiosity B, how many times did you and he go to court? Just the divorce, or have you made trips for other aggravations? X & I are about to go round 3, and he just seems to get angrier and more resentful of me each time. Everything is, of course, my fault.


ME: 54
Him: 51
M: 20 years T: 21 years
OW/New wife: 36
Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36)
Bomb: March 4, 2010
He Filed: April 28, 2010
I Contested: May 1, 2010
Standing Down: 11/24/10
Divorced : 05/04/2011
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