Mods: I'm posting my storage again because my initial post hasn't been approved yet; I think maybe the forum ate it? Sorry for the dupe.
Hi all. I just finished reading DB and DR and I thought I would join and get the help of this forum. The BD happened to me at the beginning of the year. My W moved in with her parents and filed about a week later. She says there isn't anyone else. There isn't much contact now, mainly text and the occasional phonecall. I did everything MWD says not to do at first, before I read the book. Now I'm trying to GAL, 180, and hope she changes her mind.
I had been depressed and emotionally and physically absent for much of our marriage. We had a lot of external issues: money/jobs, sick/dying relatives, etc. No kids. She just had a major milestone birthday, so I think some of this may be MLC stuff.
The funny thing is that I was planning on turning over a new leaf on the first, but I guess maybe it's too late?
Anyway, I hope you guys can share some advice and encouragement. I'd do anything to get my wife back. How can the DB tactics work when you're already living in different locations and don't have kids to force the occasional contact?
Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise. Most of us lose weight after BD.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.
Now I'm trying to GAL, 180, and hope she changes her mind.
And she might, but don't expect it to be sudden. Prepare for a long haul ahead.
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I had been depressed and emotionally and physically absent for much of our marriage. We had a lot of external issues: money/jobs, sick/dying relatives, etc. No kids. She just had a major milestone birthday, so I think some of this may be MLC stuff.
If you were depressed and emotionally and physically absent then it's probably not MLC. She's probably been planning on leaving for quite a while.
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The funny thing is that I was planning on turning over a new leaf on the first, but I guess maybe it's too late?
I'm not sure what you were waiting for, but it's never too late to turn over a new leaf. What have you done about the depression? That's not something you can normally resolve on your own. Get help, and do it for you.
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How can the DB tactics work when you're already living in different locations and don't have kids to force the occasional contact?
Well, having minimal contact can actually be a benefit. The idea is to give your W time and space. Don't contact her at all. If she contacts you then it's OK to respond, but don't initiate contact.
I'm not sure what you were waiting for, but it's never too late to turn over a new leaf. What have you done about the depression? That's not something you can normally resolve on your own. Get help, and do it for you. [/quote
I have begun eating correctly, exercising, adjusted my medications (with my doctor), and have begun seeing a therapist. I was planning on doing the first three even before my W left. One of my parents died less than two months before the BD, so I was indeed wallowing before that.
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How can the DB tactics work when you're already living in different locations and don't have kids to force the occasional contact?
Well, having minimal contact can actually be a benefit. The idea is to give your W time and space. Don't contact her at all. If she contacts you then it's OK to respond, but don't initiate contact.
And what about the looming Valentine's Day? I understand the principles of DBing, but wouldn't ignoring her and withdrawing be more of the same rather than a 180?
I'm not sure what you were waiting for, but it's never too late to turn over a new leaf. What have you done about the depression? That's not something you can normally resolve on your own. Get help, and do it for you.
I have! I'm going to a therapist, adjusted my meds with my doctor, and am going to the gym five nights a week (lifting weights and cardio). So far I've lost 30 lbs since the BD.
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How can the DB tactics work when you're already living in different locations and don't have kids to force the occasional contact?
Well, having minimal contact can actually be a benefit. The idea is to give your W time and space. Don't contact her at all. If she contacts you then it's OK to respond, but don't initiate contact. [/quote]
This is going to be so hard. It feels like she's already over me. She doesn't even text or email, much less call.
What does everyone recommend I do regarding Valentine's Day?
I assume the standard DB advice would be to do nothing, but since one of her complaints was that we were more like friends than husband and wife, I'm torn.
