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A Message from Michele
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Re: The end of a marriage [Re: kml] #2324145
02/21/13 10:31 PM
02/21/13 10:31 PM
Joined: May 2012
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Rachael55 Offline OP
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Rachael55  Offline OP
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Thank you . I had h served at work today. I asked the servuer to be discreet as I didn't want to embarrass him. The server called me and said it was quiet and discreet. My h waited a couple hours and told me he is going to have a beer with his friends and wants to talk to me. I think I want to tell him to live on his own for a time and get his life together. I think I need to be without him for a time. I don't know what he's going to say but yesterday the things he agreed to do and words said were said before with very little improvement. He wants me to be patient but I did this for over a year. If he really wanted me wouldn't he be here asking what he can do? Instead of running to the guys maybe he should run to me.

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: Rachael55] #2324146
02/21/13 10:34 PM
02/21/13 10:34 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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MrBond Offline
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Amen.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: The end of a marriage [Re: MrBond] #2324170
02/22/13 12:35 AM
02/22/13 12:35 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,723
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kml Online
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Quote:
I think I want to tell him to live on his own for a time and get his life together. I think I need to be without him for a time.


This sounds like a good plan. If he protests that he's going to do this or that for you - remind him he can still woo you from his own apartment if so inclined. (And you can decide, at that time, whether you're interested in dating him or not).

Also - beware any attempts to soothe you that are just to provide cover for him to raid the finances. Stand your ground about the financial stuff.

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: kml] #2324360
02/22/13 07:02 PM
02/22/13 07:02 PM
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Rachael55 Offline OP
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Rachael55  Offline OP
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H has been pleading for me to give another. chance. Told him I found a receipt for a restaurant from 2 weeks ago. Said he went with a guy. Wouldn't give a name. I said you paid for dinner the other person had hot tea that's a woman. He said what of we did? You're going to go crazy over this . Every time I answer you get upset. I told him he's got to face my upset. This lie is another nail in the coffin . Said he can't afford to move. Texted the ow told her what she helped do. She's a cold fish.

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: Rachael55] #2324407
02/22/13 09:34 PM
02/22/13 09:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
Canada
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BeingMe Offline
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IMHO, your H isn't ready to come back to the M. He's still lying, so what does that say about any future with him now. He does need to be on his own, for his sake and yours.

This is hard won experience for me. My H ... never mind, just take my word for it.

Just remember, it's your life ... not his, or ours, or your parents. YOURS ... do what you feel would be the right thing, then follow through. If you don't, you'll be backwards and forwards, and your H will use you anyway he can, at any given time when thinks you're vulnerable.

Take care, and stand firm.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
Re: The end of a marriage [Re: Rachael55] #2324438
02/22/13 11:34 PM
02/22/13 11:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,723
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kml Online
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Quote:
Texted the ow told her what she helped do. She's a cold fish.


WHO texted the OW - you, or him???

If your H is sincere, he can perfectly well woo while staying on a friend's couch or at a family member's house.

But I agree, it seems pretty obvious that your H is upset he can't have his cake and eat it too, but not being very sincere and truthful about owning his own responsibility here.

Stick to your guns.

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: kml] #2324439
02/22/13 11:35 PM
02/22/13 11:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,723
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kml Online
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I meant to say:
"If your H is sincere, he can perfectly well woo YOU while staying on a friend's couch or at a family member's house. "

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: kml] #2324501
02/23/13 03:06 AM
02/23/13 03:06 AM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
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BklynMom Offline
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BklynMom  Offline
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You are doing the right thing. I can only imagine how hard it is to stick to your guns. Hang in there. You deserve a man who worships YOU.


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: BklynMom] #2324581
02/23/13 02:47 PM
02/23/13 02:47 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 271
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Rachael55 Offline OP
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Rachael55  Offline OP
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I texted ow. She says she broke it off in July. She said shes been in a serious relationship since then.I asked her why continued contact. She said they had a lot in common. She said the texts were brief. I told her what she did to my family and how she did what she claims her ex husband did. That is to lie and betray. I called her cruel. She said she's not cruel and she told me things from her side and she has no feeling for my h like that. I ended the conversation by saying she was cold, lying and deceitful.

My h told me he lied about dinner with her because he talked to the atty who told him to say nothing. My h won't leave because he can't afford it. Doesnt want to stay at his moms cuz her sistet is dyiing and shes already stressed out. he dorsnt want to add this to the mix.He told me he took the money out of that investment acct to pay bills and the company had to mail it. He told me he would show me the check. That it was for a couple thousand.H told me me it was like he's been liviming in an illusion. He cried this morning because he's under terrible pressure at work and because of all the wayps he failed. FINALLY I see some remorse! He hated that he cried. I told hm I should be able to see that and it shows some sincerity . Cuz he rarely cried . Thinks its weak. Said he is not contesting the divorce and is begging for another chance. Promises to make changes. I still love this man

Re: The end of a marriage [Re: Rachael55] #2324726
02/24/13 01:20 AM
02/24/13 01:20 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,723
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kml Online
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Will he go to marriage counseling?

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