Well, my son leaves for more training for the Air National Guard in the morning. He will be gone for 4 months. That leaves just me at home, when my D is at my wife's place. I'm kinda bummed and yet happy he's living his dreams to be a police officer. I wish him luck and I am one proud Dad.
Just me?? Who can I control?? Just me!! Who can get me out of this funk?? Just me!! Just me is such a powerful phrase. Who has the power to change me?? Just me!! I am learning to rely on just me for the validation that I need, if I cannot be okay with just me, I'll never have a good relationship that has a just us.
I made my sons favorite dinner tonight of lasagna and it turned out pretty frigging good. He had seconds and so did I. My daughter had only one helping but she is not a lasagna gal anyway lol. Another feather in my cap, this was the first time I made lasagna. Matter of fact I put some to the side for lunch tomorrow.
One of my gal activities that I am going to start doing is reaching out to people who are lonely. Seniors who have lost a loved one. My neighbor's husband died 2 years ago and she told me that she still hurts and is lonely. This got me to thinking that there are a bunch of people who are hurting and lonely, so... i see a way to reach out and love a little (without expectation of any thing in return) and I'm going to do it. I'm going to start by inviting her to eat and watch a little tv with me oh once or twice a week. I hope she will be receptive to my invitation. Plus I'm lonely and it's a win/win situation.
Still reading The Happiness Trap, I'm enjoying this book so far. any other recommendations??
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
and thanks for your feedback on my thread. I'll try to return the favor here, fwiw.
One thing I found helps is exercise. It doesn't directly address the just me part, but it does improve mood, makes you look better and fills empty time. Having an exercise goal is good too.
Meetup.com is a good place to find people.
It might be good to go to the same restaurant/diner every now and then. I do this (I work alone from home for the most part) and it makes you feel part of the community.
The reaching out idea is good - I wonder though if more than just seniors would be interested in something like this. Maybe you could join a dinner club, and alternate cooking at a different bunch of people's places. Cooking is a good activity - why not invite someone to help you? Oh - Cook's Illustrated is a good cooking magazine.
How about alternately choosing a movie to see with your neighbor? She chooses one, you choose one, she...
Good luck -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
flirt pay attention read or listen to Sarah Bakewell's biography of Montaigne become a Buddhist and stop desiring is there a difference between fixing loneliness and GAL? see good movies - not merely escapist entertainment - perhaps an idiots guide to cognitive behavioral therapy might be helpful
Good luck
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Well maybe lonely is the wrong word more like I'd like to fill time with someone and our senior's usually have really interesting stories.
Went to IC on Wednesday and I was recounting things I think I did not do right in our marriage and she reminded me that it is her responsibility to effectively communicate her needs, wants and desires to me. She said I am not a mind reader and it is not my responsibility to read my W's mind. My iC said that my W told her that she does not like talking about her feelings, that she "suxx at it". My IC said that was huge. She also said I am right to look at myself and correct what I thought I needed to correct, but to stop beating myself up. I have been at the alter of self flagellation for some time now. I need to find a healthy balance of me working on me and me being okay with who I am.
At my d's basketball game a lady I've known for a few years was hitting on me, it felt sooo weird. I'm not sure how to handle it. I let her know I was still married.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Today I'm not feeling good about myself... My stomach hurts and my mind is racing. I'm not sure why, maybe it's the first full day at home by myself (my son is gone for training). I need to be okay with me... I've come a long way so far and have a long way to go.
I had a friend come over last night and we watched movies. He just finalized his divorce so it was nice to be able to relate to someone. I was dominating the conversation again, I noticed this and tried to back off. I hate lulls in conversation when I feel a little uneasy with the quiet. I also get to talking to fast and trying to sound better or badder than I really am (weird way to express myself). More self esteem to work on, not sure where to go with that. I'll be sure to talk to my IC about this.
I need to finish The Happiness Trap, I've been slacking on it. My self esteem is kinda low right now. I need to get more GAL going.
Gonna finish this movie than go run about 4-5 miles.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Subguy, how are you doing? The movie and run sound like good activities. However, try to start doing stuff with other people. Any running clubs/meetups in your area?
Being rejected by our S's is the biggest hit that our self-esteem could ever get. So be aware that this is normal. To recover your self-esteem, GALing, awareness, and connection to others will help. But everything takes time.
Hi Tori, I've been really down the last couple of days. It feels like I'm starting all over with my emotions again. I'm really struggling with staying in this relationship. I think this is why I am hurting so much. There is absolutely no contact from my W. If she needs to tell me something, she uses my D to do it. It is really painful to know she does not want to speak to me at all. Maybe it's a good thing???
I am going to wait and let the Holy Spirit direct me, just need to be calm enough to hear him.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
