Into The Sunset

[tadpole1025]

Hello everyone. It is time for a new thread. My previous post can be found here:

From The Twilight Zone

I don't really have much to report really. My XW is about 6 months away from getting married.

I've been thinking back to the time when I first arrived on this site. So many posters (PEI, Brooklyn, MHL, Eric, Punkin, Grace.....) have disappeared and no longer post here. I'm wondering if I should do the same.

Just wander off into the sunset...

Tad

[job]

Tad,
The reason that you aren't seeing some posters post is because they may have changed their names. Also, some of the other posters have moved on w/their lives and they will eventually return to post updates.

I want to hear about you for a change and what you and your sons are doing. There has to be something going in your life even if it's walking to the mailbox, reading a new book or trying out a new recipe.

I'm going to rattle your cage because I have seen two Tads and I want to know which one you really are. I see the lost and confused Tad that posts here and I've also seen a different Tad that just recently had a book published entitled "Navigating Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis...A Trip To Hell and Back". So, which one are you? The writer comes across as being calm and very collected and has his head out of his @ss and has pretty much gotten himself together. The Tad that's posting here is constantly feeling sorry for himself and appears to be having a pity party today...so which one are you?

I suggest you go back and re-read the book you have out on the market because the man that wrote that book speaks w/authority and confidence has it together.

I'm sorry I have rattled your cage, but someone has to shake you up a bit and I guess that has to be me today.

[AntoniaB]

I second what Snodderly says, because I bought that book and read parts of it and I agree with that assessment. The guy who wrote that book sounds like a different Tad altogether.

[MHL]

Tad,
Wow, how timely that it was that I popped onto the board today!!!

I've been thinking back to the time when I first arrived on this site. So many posters (PEI, Brooklyn, MHL, Eric, Punkin, Grace.....) have disappeared and no longer post here. I'm wondering if I should do the same.

Just wander off into the sunset...

Tad

First, we have not wandered off, we have just returned to LIFE as we knew it before our spouses when batchit crazy. Try to remember back to when you could not squeeze one more thing into your day, you were so busy with life that you could not imagine having the time to read and post on an online community daily if not hourly?? I can tell you that LIFE will return to normal if you let it but it takes TIME, and for each of us that amount of time is different.

Second, I do owe this wonderful place so much. I do credit this place with saving my life, however we do move on and hopefully the fact that you do see people stop posting is testimony to the fact that YOU will be happy again. YOU will find peace in your life. YOU will busy your life with other things beside this place. Success is not measured by those whose marriages are reconciled but rather by those that save themselves and find that place of contentment, peace and happiness within themselves.

I can tell you that some of the posters that you mention that I am still in contact still have moments of sadness or memories of pain. We also see what our ex-spouses are doing or have done and it might call some of those feelings back to the surface but the moments are fleeting at best. They come and we allow ourselves to experience them, process those feelings and then get on with our lives. It is part of our healing that allows us to deal with these feelings that come for a visit now and then.

You too will drift from this place as you get on with YOUR LIFE. When that happens you will not have space in your life to look at the milestones in your ex-wife's life, you will simply be too busy.

I will try to post an update, possibly tonight. My message to you and to anyone else reading this has not changed from when I was actively posting here.....

Save yourself first......and TIME can be your friend if you allow it. The thing about time is that you will not realize it until the time has past.

Hope this helps!!

Cheers

[ericmsant2]

Tad

So many posters (PEI, Brooklyn, MHL, Eric, Punkin, Grace.....) have disappeared and no longer post here. I'm wondering if I should do the same.

I am still around bro.

I would also echo what MHL said....

we have just returned to LIFE as we knew it

This is true for me with one small change....it is not "as I knew it". My life is different now, for all intensive purposes, I am single parent. I have a batchit crazy XW who still sends email that quite honestly can be annoying. I also live with my girlfriend and finally had to get back to focusing on work. So yeah..life moves on. How it does though YOU control! Funny..as I read your post, the one thing that stuck out to me was...your second sentence was about WHO? YOUR XW. Once again Tad, you keep spending more time thinking at least writing about her than you do you. Why (psst..answer is for you buddy).

Second, I do owe this wonderful place so much. I do credit this place with saving my life,

Ditto ^^^^....I credit this place with soooo much. FTR, some of my closest friends were found here. I still talk to many of them at least on a weekly basis.

[quote]I can tell you that some of the posters that you mention that I am still in contact still have moments of sadness or memories of pain.[quote]
MHL must have been talking about me. Tad, you have kids with your XW, she will be in your life for a very long time, nothing will really change that. I have had to learn to live with it as will you.

You know where to reach me bud!

Eric

[MHL]

[quote]I can tell you that some of the posters that you mention that I am still in contact still have moments of sadness or memories of pain.[quote]

MHL must have been talking about me.

Eric, with reference to you, memories of pain might be better remedied with a little more lubricant next time

[warriorshadow]

And Gritsters Ribs

[AJM]

Mmm.. Ribs. That's something I haven't made in a while

Tad, nice to see you pop back. Glad it's not an every day thing anymore.

I echo what the others have mentioned - the feelings don't just stop. They come back to visit once in a while. Don't be surprised by that. Don't think you have failed because of it or that you aren't healing. Just remember that healing doesn't "end" but rather it continues for a very long time. Maybe for the rest of your life. I'm guessing that's the case. As mentioned, life does move on.

Some of us still come back. In my case it's more to help others. My way of paying back what I received. Like several others, I have a batchit crazy xw that just won't go away and wants to try and annoy me. It's my choice if I get annoyed or not. I've learned that while here. Or rather, re-learned it

She has her life and I, like the rest of us, have ours. I have no intention of wasting a minute of it, and I intend to come here and help others to do the same.

Glad for the books for your sake; I think it's a cathartic in some ways to do that. Got more in the works? I hear fiction about far away places can be fun to research


AJ

[uRworthy]

We oldtimers arent far away. Some of us are just changed in some way.

Aww, nice to see you boys.

Tad, I feel a very slight shift in you. Very slight, LOL!
Here's the thing - it suckks what's happened. It does. The key is to accept that it has. It just has.

Someone said to me today, we can choose to live our lives in the past, wondering what if. Or we can choose to live our best life in the present and future. How lucky are we that we get that choice?

Mo matter how much you turn this around and around in your mind, no matter how much you remember your past life, no matter how hard you want it to be different, it just is how it is. That's the simple truth.

And so, you need to make a choice. That's where it starts. A simple choice. Are you going to live your life in the past or are you going to start today to live your best life?

[tadpole1025]

Thank you all very much.

I'm going to rattle your cage because I have seen two Tads and I want to know which one you really are. I see the lost and confused Tad that posts here and I've also seen a different Tad that just recently had a book published entitled "Navigating Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis...A Trip To Hell and Back". So, which one are you? The writer comes across as being calm and very collected and has his head out of his @ss and has pretty much gotten himself together. The Tad that's posting here is constantly feeling sorry for himself and appears to be having a pity party today...so which one are you?

Thank you Snodderly. No need to apologize about rattling my cage and shaking me up. I actually believe that I am both people. I am doing soooo much better emotionally, but.....I do have my times. I guess I come here when I am feeling down. This site and you and everyone on it has been a life-saver and maybe a life-changer for me. I wrote that book for others AND me. I hope to have a bigger and better one out someday. It is funny though. I can be doing so well....well enough to write a book about this mess and then I'll remember something or think that maybe she really was unhappy with me or hear about something that she posted on FB and it gets me rattled. She is bragging a lot on FB (I've been told) about her upcoming wedding. Does it bother me? You bet it does.

I second what Snodderly says, because I bought that book and read parts of it and I agree with that assessment. The guy who wrote that book sounds like a different Tad altogether.

Same dude Antonia....just two different moods I guess.

Wow, how timely that it was that I popped onto the board today!!!

Coincidence? Big time!

I can tell you that LIFE will return to normal if you let it but it takes TIME, and for each of us that amount of time is different.

Thanks MHL. I miss reading your stuff. I WANT my life to return to normal and I WANT to be over her. I can't seem to break entirely free though. Hopefully soon......

You know where to reach me bud!

Thank Eric. You sir are a good man. I hope to be in touch soon.

I echo what the others have mentioned - the feelings don't just stop. They come back to visit once in a while. Don't be surprised by that. Don't think you have failed because of it or that you aren't healing. Just remember that healing doesn't "end" but rather it continues for a very long time. Maybe for the rest of your life.

Ug! Really AJ? Like I said, I do WANT to be done like she obviously is with me. It is taking me a very long time. I sometimes think that my user name should have been "Turtle1025." I've noticed that it hits me the most at night in bed sometimes. She'll just pop in my head and I'll feel anxious and hurt and filled with disbelief. (Yes, even still.) Althoug, I will admit that I haven't felt like crying in a very long time. I ran into an old radio listener of mine the other day and he couldn't believe the way I looked and how my life has changed. Tell me about it.

Mo matter how much you turn this around and around in your mind, no matter how much you remember your past life, no matter how hard you want it to be different, it just is how it is. That's the simple truth.

Thanks Urworthy. I just need to make the best of what I have right? It's not much at the moment. I'm still struggling with the finances. I'm not getting very many hours these days and am still trying to dig out of the enormous hole. Not sure I know you. Have you changed your username? I may have an idea....

I'm not a very good writer, but I'm going to keep doing it. I have two more books in the works. Both are fiction and they are about halfway done. I'm also thinking about writing a "how to" book about raising and training rats. I've got two of them and they bring a lot of joy. As of right now, they are the only two girls in my life....Beebee and Piglet.

Both of my books are selling. Surprisingly, the one about this crazy mess is selling about 3-4 times more than the fiction book. I guess that I shouldn't be surprised.



Tad