Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 10 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
I hope your S is feeling better soon. Maybe your H is trying to prepare for when he has them without you there? Kind of like a "trial run"? He could be worried about the kids wanting you on his days when he has them alone?


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
wishing,
I'm glad your mom is okay, but sorry to hear that you and your son are a bit under the weather. I hope you aren't getting the bug that is going around.

As for promising your d a new bed, your h is definitely trying to bribe her and I hope he's got the bed because if he doesn't, that is going to be one upset/disappointed little girl. I know you'll do it the right way because you know, as an adult, that promises have a way of falling through the cracks sometimes.

As for the way your h behaves when you have the children, it's called competition. He sees that you have a really great relationship w/them and he's jealous and envious of that as well as rattling your cage so that you'll say something. Try not to allow his behavior to get on your nerves.

I hope you feel better soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2315206 01/16/13 02:05 PM
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,350
M
MHL Offline
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,350
Hi Wishing,

Haven't read your whole story, just this thread and all the focus on the little stuff that is magnified 100 times because you are under the same roof with your H. I can tell you that you will experience so much peace when he is out or you are out whatever the case may be.

You will stop focusing on some of this little stuff and some other things will come into focus that will be frustrating also but will fade with time. Your H will continue to be angry once you guys are apart, he will continue to blame you and behave like a child for things you have nothing to do with you. It will take him a very long time to stop blaming you. Your job is to get out of the way, to become a black hole in his life, it is better for you and for your kids.

You will move along your journey much faster than he will move along his. At first it seems as though you are holding onto your past together and that the MLCer has totally let it go and wants nothing to do with the past or re-writes the past to justify their actions now. It is not until they are totally free of you that they start to remember the past for what it was, the sad thing is that we have already let go of the past or better yet put it into perspective by the time our MLCer's start to remember.

I hope you discover that PEACE when you guys are apart, it will come with some sadness at times but you know by now that those times come and go. I hope that when the peace comes that you will really focus on YOU and YOUR life and YOUR kids that is when you really start to move forward on your journey.

Cheers


Formerly "missherlove"

Me49 XW49
M17 T19
S16 D20

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.

~Jim Morrison
job #2315207 01/16/13 02:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Thanks everyone.

H was in a cranky mood this morning, but of course, when isn't he? D was really tired this morning and of course, it's all my fault because I should have put her to bed earlier. Okay. Sure.

He was all over the place. Me making them breakfast in the morning has him just befuddled. He does it, but he doesn't want to. LOL! I wonder what else I can do to raise the bar? Give me time. I'll think of something.

S said his nose isn't as stuffy, but his throat really hurts when he coughs. Not sure if it is morning crud or something more serious, so I told him to monitor it and let me know how he feels when he gets home. H had him using nasal spray decongestant which I am iffy about. S seems too young to use that. I am calling the doctor today to get his thoughts. H said it is fine, but of course he gave our S aspirin too and was offended when I told him that was unacceptable.

H's sister wants me and the kids to visit her this weekend. That will be nice. I am sure it will make H angry, but that's his problem, not mine.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
I think it's nice that your SIL has invited you and the children to visit her this weekend. A very nice little trip and one that your h can't complain about too much since it is his family. Go and have a wonderful time, if you and the children are feeling up to it.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2315389 01/17/13 01:55 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
Wishing,

Take care of yourself. D18 just got over that flu and we were in the emergency room and she was so miserable. I felt a bit of it, but started resting more and drinking lots of fluids and it didn't seem to hit full on.

That's so nice your SIL invited you. Having that support has to feel good. My H's family has decided I am Satan and the reason for ALL of H's problems. It's got to make it easier for your kids. My kids hate seeing anyone from H's family now because of their criticism and harsh words about me.

I hope he doesn't give you too much trouble about going. Maybe he will surprise you?

What was H like before all this?

Hang in, you are doing awesome!!

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
I honestly thought I could get through a week without things getting ugly, but I was wrong.

Had an ugly night with H tonight. Since this is his night he made dinner and was to get the kids around to bed. D had a meltdown on him and didn't want him she wanted me. She clung to me and was crying and hysterical. I tried to calmly explain that daddy was going to help her with her pajamas and read her a story. Still she clung to me. I said to H can't we just both help her since she is so upset? On my nights if she wants daddy I am more than willing to let her be with him. He said no, the kids need to get used to this. I told him it was cruel and I couldn't just walk away from my daughter when she is crying hysterically and begging for me. He told me in front of her to get out which made her cry harder. I told her I was going downstairs to fix her reindeer ornament that ripped and when I went downstairs she cried harder. I came back up to give her the ornament and he slammed the door in my face. I opened it and told him never to do that again. He tried to push me out of the room and slam the door in my face again. And again I came back in. D was hysterical by this time. I hand her the ornament and walk away. Joe finally says okay, mom can help. She comes running to me and clings to me. I told her mommy will help you with your jammies and then daddy will read you a story. She said okay. As she walked by, H grabbed me by my shoulders and told me to stop making bad situations for the kids. I told him to never ever touch me again and that he is the one who created the situation, not me.

So H creates these scenarios and then says I am causing the chaos. I came downstairs by S who said are you okay mom? I heard dad yelling. I told him I was fine but that dad upset me. S said he knew why and asked if he should write about it in his journal and I told him to go ahead.

Then H comes in after the kids are in bed and tells me I am interfering. I tell him I am not but I was trying to be gentle and not just walk away coldly. He stands there and preaches to me about how the kids need consistantcy and normalcy and all I can think of is that is rich coming from you.

Again trying to get me into the crazy. He is crazy. Bat schiiittt crazy!! I will not go gentle into that good night thank you very much.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
wishing,
Please document what happened. Did he put a bruise on your arm/shoulder? If so, take a photo of it. I am so sorry he's acting like a complete and utter @ss. This is so not right. He can't stand the fact that you can do things properly and as a mother, your children want you to nuture them. He doesn't understand that he's the problem and that his children are not inclined to want him around them when he's acting out. He doesn't have one nuturing bone in his body and it's all about him and what he wants.

I admire you for stepping in and not backing down. He's angry because he can't control and/or manipulate you or the situation. Projection at its finest and yet, he's the one that's creating all of the ruckus.

I hope today is a better day for you and your children.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2315445 01/17/13 12:38 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 2,910
Thanks Snodderly.

No, I don't think I have a bruise. He grabbed me firmly, but it didnt hurt. Kind of like how a parent would grab an errant child.

He said it was my fault for pushing the door back open after he closed it. He tried to physically keep me out. Don't ever try to keep a mother from her kids. Ever. H is very strong and towers over me and has about 100 pounds on me. Yet I was able to push that door back open even though he was blocking it.

Yes and after that scene has the nerve to come into my room and tell m it was my fault. I refuse to accept responsibility for that. And I told him so. He said I need to give him an opportunity to diffuse the situation. I said I did and you made it worse. Of course he told me I was "feeding into it". I told him that I will never ever walk away from my kids. Ever. I said this is a sensitive situation and needs to be gradual. Not abrupt.

He told me this will never happen again. Dam right it won't.


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
Wishing,

You are so brave. I know how hard that is to defend your kids when your H is acting like a beast. The easier thing is to step back and allow the beast to have his way. You did such a good job protecting your children. I hope you know that.

Your H seems to be spinning out of control like a whirling dirvish. Let him spin, but call the police if he threatens to hurt you verbally or grabs you again. In Ohio, domestic violence laws are very strict and he WILL be arrested if he makes any verbal threats to physically harm you and/or lays a finger on you. The judge is aware of the situation at home and HAS to see, unless he's a complete idiot, how volatile your H is.

I suggest calling your attorney today and letting him know exactly what happened. If it happens again, you have some back up.

He definitely sounds like a true "Father Knows Best!!" ha ha.

Much Love,

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Page 7 of 10 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard