I do get what you're saying BH ... I wish I can see what you see, hence my going into counseling. I do think that you can be objective, so probably see more than I do. I am getting "it" slowly but surely. You're right in my so-called H being controlling, but he doesn't come across as being so.
Thanks for your continued interest. I do really appreciate it, and those others who still comment. I need those 2x4's, and reality checks.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
You're right in my so-called H being controlling, but he doesn't come across as being so.
The best ones never do come across that way - thats why they are so powerful.
Think, to much worse extremes of course, Ted Bundy the American Serial Killer. He hid his evil so successfully behind a torrent of charm - even his trial judge liked him.
Its hard to see the whole forest when your view is blocked by all the damn trees But you aren't alone in this - IMHO 99% of the population does this to some extent, thats why we repeat our problems.
Divorce, like marriage, can be "just a piece of paper". If it suits you financially to remain married then do so. But it seems like you aren't yet divorced in mind and heart? I'm somewhere in this neighborhood myself... more than 51% sure I don't want to continue M but can't push that meter all the way to 100%.
You said it would be easier if your H had been "mean and horrible". From what I can tell, he has been both... makes me wonder what exactly he'd have to do to qualify on your scale?
Best of luck to you Being
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
BeingMe, I wasn't trying to 2x4 you. LOL I think you do see what I see, because you have been the one who has told us the things I have commented on. Your H doesn't come across as controlling, because the ones who are really good at it, do not seem so. BeingMe, I really think it just comes down to the fact that you are hoping he will change, and you are a little scared of what will happen with a divorce. That's why you keep coming up with reasons to put off the divorce. Do I think your H will change? Probably not...... Its been my experience that the vast majority of people in these situations don't change. I also think its really tough for those who are such controllers and manipulators. They really love that power and are very reluctant to give it up. In any case, I think you need to figure out what you are going to do for your own peace of mind. If you keep on like this, you will drive yourself crazy. If you want to stay married, you need to accept your H for what he is and find ways to deal with things. If you don't want to live like this anymore, you need to move on with your life. I.C. can be a good thing, but remember, I.C. is only effective if you are receptive to what your C says. Unless I am terribly wrong, your I.C. is going to say a lot of things we have posted to you.