X demands full custody because I'm engaged, Part 2

[MaMaMo]

I have to agree with oldtimer nothing good will come from separating them, they will grow up as cousins instead of sister and brother.

As your ex seem so hell bent on taking your kids away from you I would not be surprised if she secretly pushing her husband to get a job transfer to another state so they can move.

Its just evil what she is doing to your kids and damaging heard many stories from kids where the outcome is not good for the parents like your wife when the kids are older and looking back.....but there are some parents like you that lost contact with the kids because the ex poisoned the well.

Now is the time for them to set up healthy boundaries with the help from with a therapist and not just take the easy way (avoiding the wrath of their mother) and prevent FOO issues with future relationships.

[sleeper]

Damaging to kids who experience such? X's mother had retired FBI agent Freud DS of X's maternal grandfather physically kidnap X and her brother from their school in St Thomas and hide X and her brother in what X calls a "safe house" in the US until legal action could be completed and things settled down. I just had a chill as I realized X is using the same L her mother did.

I honestly don't have much hope for C to facilitate a resolution. OMH is fairly level headed but he is arrogant and described as "never wrong".

What about the fact that 5 children who have had each other in their lives for 4 years (1/2 the life of the youngest) are at this moment being forced to not see one another?

DS and DD both "avoid the wrath" of their mother and I have seen DS tear up at the mere raising of her voice.

At least fiancé now understands why the children are saying they want to live with their mother as she opines they don't stand a chance against her venomous spew. She said she's never seen anything like it.

[sleeper]

I'm going to talk to the C (his clinic specializes in family counseling and is divided into an area for children and an area for adults). It was his wife, a therapist who works with children who threatened th call the police at X screaming obscenities and OMH physically moving X and I wish she had.

I had "date" (what it felt like) with my own children last night. X suggested I take them out and DD dosen't understand why I don't see them every chance possible on X's terms. I will not do that again. It is playing X's game empowering her, putting her in a position to tell kids I'm OK with her arrangement and possibly establishing a record of me already participating in the custody modification she (X) is seeking.

I gently tried to talk to the kids but they both shut down immediately and said, "Mom said you wouldn't bring that up." I never told X I wouldn't bring anything up but I backed off because I don't want the kids hurt any more than they already are.

So what is worse, Oldtimer? Seeking a compromise physical custody arrangement that abates some of X's concerns or putting the kids through a full blown custody fight?

I feel a need to act quickly as this is the fourth week of this mess and a hearing won't be held for 4-6 weeks if I filed today, as more estrangement and distancing occurs daily y X and the situation creeps toward a new "normal".

[MaMaMo]

Sleeper have you checked out any of the father's rights groups? Maybe they can help you.

[figgeroni]

what makes you think that your x will settle for you getting full custody of your son and she gets full custody of your daughter?

It seems as though you are in for a battle regardless

[sleeper]

I don't believe X will accept the arrangement I mentioned.

So, I had my "date" with DS and DD on what by court order was my time with them Friday night. A change in DS's sports activities rested an opportunity for me to invite him to go fishing yesterday. He turned and asked X, "can I?", to which she responded, "yes" (I didn't ask her, he did). We went, had a great time, caught a few and even raced against an approaching thunderstorm to paddle our canoe off the lake.

DS wanted to cook the fish we caught for supper. I told him I wanted him to spend the night with me as it was late. He said I would need to ask X. At this point I couldn't help but ask, "Why, does OMH ask her permission before he does anything?" DS chuckled and responded, "no." DSthen called X on his phone and told her he wanted to stay with me to eat the fish we caught and watch a movie. She gave him "permission" and asked to speak to me saying, "I can't compete with a fish fry and a blu ray" and informing me she was shopping with DD for items for her school trip she left on this morning.

This situation isn't good in many ways. X has empowered herself to call the shots in the eyes of the kids and the kids are being taught they have great impact in what should be adult and court decisions (r.e. DD's recent claim she gets to "decide" where she lives).

It's also taking a major toll on the relationship between myself and fiancé. Following the incident at C's office, fiancé told a me, "My children come first (as her concern)." Ironically X told me the same thing this past week in reference to DS and DD. I understand this to a large degree as fiancé is the only person her three children have looking out for them (their father has chosen to not be involved in their lives). She has said at times she will not allow her children to be brought into court and put through the ordeal that could occur. Fiance's comment has caused me to consider where I rank my children in importance. Last night fiance texted we would be "Mr and Mrs" in just three weeks in keepinf with recent comments that what X has done will not deter her from living her life. I did not respond.

I now have much more to decide.

I will start a new thread.

[sleeper]

Correction: it's SIX weeks til the wedding.

Funny no matter how much other situations change the infamous "edit" button is perpetually consistent.