"I will need help formulating a reply at this point if he says he was planning on bringing her skiing. I have said that I don't want kids to meet her yet."
If he has agreed that is not in the kids best interest then you would need to stand firm on that Boundary.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Mmmm. I think this will be an issue. I will stand firm on the no introduction until psych eval.for sure. He seems far gone though,didn't even reply to my "I will take kids Saturday" opening gambit, which really leads me to believe he was planning on having GF there-whether or not she was introduces as a friend or whatever. We will see.
I am hoping he still retains a little sanity...I must confess, looked at Ds facebook and there was an H post about being at hospital for a "friend". A mutual friend posted are u okay and H said of course.
Mutual friend said basically well we all are not sure because most of us think you have gone crazy (translation) like lost your mind completely.
So I am not sure with this latest "lend my car"if I can evn begin to know who he is.
On a positive note, had a fabulous day. Went on sleigh ride, drank too much and enjoyed a hot tub for a couple hours with friends. thanks!!!
Nothing much to say but I find I am beginning to have a little less patience with H these days and have to remind myself not to say things to the kids, because I feel I am being a bit subversive.
For example, S made a comment about how H would flip because he could never get to a certain place on time for family activity and here we were, on time. I said when people want to be on time they are. If you are late once or twice, okay, but constantly late is disrespectful.. That comment was disrespectful to H by me, I think and I have to watch my mouth. H is constantly late for everything all the time. I realize that now I am not lol!
Also H saw kids for three hours over Christmas, reneges on days he says he is seeing them, cuts the days down to half days etc. now none of this seems to bother kids, because I don't tell them exact plans anymore.and I don't say " well dad was supposed to be here an hour ago, or he was supposed to take you here"
Also, he is not getting things done, because I have given him responsibility for certain things in kids lives. He works. That is it. You'd think he would have time to do a few things, but no. He constantly is dropping the ball. Granted, I have taken care of these things all our marriage, but that was one of his major complaints, that I didn't let him get involved in kids lives and I made all the decisions etc.
Now that I am handing over responsibility,meh doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. I email all relevant info., and then assume he will take care of it after I confirm he received email.
This is a 180 for me, because before I would do it or nag him until it was done.
There is a situation concerning S right now and a payment H should have made and will impact an instructing course if not paid by tomorrow at a certain time. I don't even think H will get here on time, but I have let S And H handle this and not even mentioned it at all.
I agree with you about not getting things done after giving more responsibility for things, especially the kids (hey, they asked for it). I see that in my H a lot. Mostly that he is not 100 percent 'there' when he is with them. His d@mn phone is always in his hand ready to text the OW and his kids are right there asking him to play.
Before we arrived in Germany he sent me a text saying how 'excited' he was to see the kids...'he can't wait'.
The next day after we arrived my D must have asked him at least 7 times to play and he ignored her. If thats excitement....
I agree, its like they don't take it seriously.
Anyway, you seem like you are in a good place and I am happy to hear it. Thinking of you a lot.
(((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks guys, it was just a little rant lol! It seems they say they want more time but aren't willoing to step up at all.
Anyway, H picked son up this morning, stilted but pleasant convo, this is our first day at the activity together in same place, and he knows a bunch of our friends are not happy with him, so it is probably weighing a bit
Had a snafu with FB and ended up deleting his sister and neice as friends, refriended them and apologized and also told H that I wasn't being mean, I don't know what happened. Actually I did know, but didnt realize it would unfriend them at the same time lol!
So, I think he heard of that and went and blocked me on FB again, because yesterday I was not blocked and today I am sigh...the only reason I know is because his posts to mutual friends have disappeared lol!
I think I am in a place that is okay. The support of friends helps a lot, especially when they say they are not happy with him (ie a relationship two weeks later). I say me neither, but I saw a pic of him on FB one time and he was happy-I hadn't seen that in a long time and so, it was bittersweet. Nice to see someone you love happy, sad that it is not with me!
Yes, keep going with your friends. It's important. But try not to focus on what they do or don't think about H. I know it's validating for you to have other people think he's a jerk, but this is your time now.
One of my friends said to me, "You and your H are associates now." We aren't friends, partners, lovers or anything else. We are associates. So treat him as an associate, that is all. What he does should have no bearing on YOUR life (unless it involves kids of course). He is just your associate. Your friends are YOUR friends and when you're with them, focus on them and you!
I'm not saying not to vent - of course you need to do that. One thing I keep telling myself (and it's hard because it's something we've been conditioned not to say) is "It's all about me." This means, the things you do, say and believe should be geared towards putting you and your kids in a better position. Make your own happiness Ruby!
Me43, H43 M 11, T 14 S10, S8 OA (me) 4-6/12 S 6/12 - 9/12 Piecing 1/13
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
. Now must shovel off car and get ready!