JB, I do avoid X. New Guy deserves the best! There are ties when I can't avoid X, like at events for D, but generally I do not need to deal with him, which is fine by me.
I will generally feel sorry for X--various medical traumas I wouldn't wish on anyone. but I think it's important to learn that feeling sorry for someone doesn't mean you love that person. Or that you have to help or intervene.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I don't post here much because generally X is only a small part of my life now. But it can be helpful to following MLC stories over the years.
X slumps around. He looks very unhappy and it shows to others, who have commented. His medical situation is still bad.
He is somewhat better with D. He disappointed her badly a few months ago by not showing up for her event but did manage to show for other things lately.
We are reasonably polite to each other, but that's been pretty much it. I told him I was moving and getting married--no reaction. (Not that i want one, just observing.) He seems to have some awareness that our D has suffered, being in a broken home, but his actions are still passive and half-hearted from where I sit.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Forward have you prepared your daughter that after the move your ex might just fade away?
He seems to be in a major depressive funk and retreating from everyday stresses, not good in the long run.
I have to say that I feel sorrow for the choices your ex has made out of his life and still to this day. It must be hell on earth for him even though he doesn't recognizes it.
I wish you much happiness in your future nuptials and new family life.
I have not said anything to D; I would only discuss that with her if it actually happens.
I'm sure X is in a major depressive funk; I now realize that is pretty much his personality and I did know that from the beginning. My eyes are more open now.
No new GF has surfaced to take time away from D, and for that I am happy for D. I figure any day now someone new will pop up.
As far as me, I have been sick but I am working hard to move forward with new life w/New Guy. New Guy is very patient, which is very unlike X and I appreciate New Guy's patience and kindness. So far we are doing pretty well with the kids. But my D is very apprehensive.
I am not sure that we could have handled this situation any better, and I am proud that New Guy and I have been able to do that. We moved slowly and steadily and I think that's helped the kids. His kids gave me a mother's day card and I realized that each weekend we spend together has been good--low-key and generally peaceful.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
We are settling in to our new life and all is well.
X isn't in my thoughts much at all any more. It gets better, people.
Sometimes I think X was always the way he was, and I just didn't see it at the time. Then I think maybe he's coming out of MLC a little. Regardless, the only reason I care is for D.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Congratulations! I hope that you, your d and your new h have a wonderful life together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
