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#2305657 12/08/12 02:35 PM
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Darn it, I'm angry! I wasn't planning on having to watch every penny again at age 51! The "agreement" (called marriage) that I had with xh was that we would both work our butts off and enjoy the fruits of our labors in our latter years. Well, we JUST arrived there in 2007 and then he dumped me in 2009! All those years of working three jobs, wearing thrift store clothes, and eating day old hot dog buns...to be back to this?? NOT FAIR!! I had just gotten used to the fancy skin creams and being introduced to the "full price" racks at clothing stores. Now....I'm back to thrift stores and eating at home. Yes, my life is better and I have amazing friends, but I'm MAD as HELL!! My therapist says I should be and I will keep marching happily forward, but I'm mad! How come the ow gets all the financial fruits of my labor??


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
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Hate to say this but it is part of the script.

Wish I had some better magic to recommend


Me-70, D37,S36
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I worked three jobs until the age of 40 something so he could own the business he started in at age 24. Now that he's the president, I'm nothing!! I would not trade my life now for anything, but I have the right to be angry!!

I do budget, but I did that my ENTIRE marriage and had just come into the fruits of my labors....

Sigh..


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
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If you helped him achieve his success in his business, didn't you get compensated for that in the divorce decree?

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Nope! The lawyers put my retirement(PERA) which will be worth $650,000 (sometime in the future when I can afford to retire) against the worth of his business and it came out even. My xh's ow is the vice president of the business, so she had "cooked the books" and down-sized his salary by 2/3. We did a business evaluation, but they just took the books SHE had cooked! I asked for maintenance AND future earnings, but my attorney said since on the financial statement our earnings were declared as the same I wouldn't have a chance in court. LYING AND CHEATING prevailed over honesty. He "graciously" gave me the retirement accounts and the equity in the house, but that's it. Now, he's back to making $200,000+ per year to my teacher's salary.


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 802
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And, that $ amount is only if I live long enough to collect retirement. There's also a chance that it won't even be there when I retire (like other companies) so it's not a guarantee. I feel robbed!


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
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GG:

None of us usually is better off financially after divorce. But I'm curious what has set you off about it at this time. Up till now I don't remember you mentioning this.

Anything new going on?

Barb

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Barb,

I've had a lot of unexpected expenses recently and I slipped into the land of "fear." I'll re-emerge quickly and realize my life is SO much better now than I could ever have imagined. If I were still with him I would have $, but not all of the other riches that life holds.

My therapist is working with me through Dr. Kubler-Ross' stages of grief and I don't think I ever worked through the anger piece, so here it is!

The holidays also bring up all kinds of emotions as I have no family around and it's often hard.


Me 55
H 49
Married 21 years
No kids
bomb 5/09
filed 7/09
divorced and moving forward 5/10

Life is all about Plan B
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
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GG:

I figured some of this had come out with the therapist. But that's not a bad thing and working through the steps of grief is really important.

Remember that worry can't rule your life. It sounds like you have "enough" and sometimes that's more than you will need. And you are right - you have many more of the riches that life holds.

I gave up a dream house after we divorced. A house that was built for my disabled son. That was hard. But truth is - I'm leading a simpler life. In the day to day stuff. Back to nature. Yes - I can still travel etc but don't go out much. And truth is - I worry about my financial future too. But I think that everyone does.

Don't let it eat you up. Make good choices. And remember that you are now and always were ultimately responsible for yourself. And stop blaming him. Be glad to be rid of him.

Take care and try to enjoy the holidays.

Barb

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Btw GG, if you go to financialmentor dot com and look at their "ultimate retirement calculator", it's the most useful one I've found, and very easy to use even if you have multiple sources of income starting at different times etc.

My lifestyle will not be what I was expecting either, but I feel a lot better about my future prospects when I can calculate it all out and see I do indeed have enough. And of course, for either of us, if we DO end up in a new relationship, (with a financially stable guy), our financial picture improves even more.

Incidentally, my ex-sister-in-law, after my brother dumped her, went on to a long-term relationship with a wealthy guy - she's living in Hawaii at the moment. So it can happen smile


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