Wow, I can’t believe I remember my login info!! It has been over a year since I posted here last. I don’t know what stirred up my curiosity today but I thought that I would come back to this amazing place for a visit.
It saved my life for sure.
I made some lifelong friends and hopefully I helped some people along the way.
I thought that I would post something just to let some of the people that are new here know that life will return to normal again, your children will be okay, they will adjust. You will adjust and you will find happiness again.
However, that happiness you find will not be where you expect to find it. YOUR happiness does not lie in the marriage to your spouse but rather you will find it within YOU.
But…….it will take time. A very long time. Much longer than you think.
The great news is that no matter how long it takes it will be the perfect amount of TIME for YOU. You will realize this when you are looking back at the journey you have begun, a journey that really never ends but gets easier as you go.
I can remember searching the boards for success stories and clinging to them and trying to duplicate what others had done before me. It gave me hope and that is a good thing because it will drive you to do the things you need to do and the steps you will need to take. There are no shortcuts, tricks or strategies that will get you the success you think you want.
What you will find over time is that you will redefine success…….even if you do save your marriage that will not be your measure of success.
YOU are your measure of success!!! But it takes time to figure that out.
Luckily, I figured it out and I do consider myself a HUGE success. In case you are wondering I did not save my marriage but I am a VERY, VERY HAPPY MAN!!! I am glad that I did not reconcile with my XW, I know for a fact that she is a poster child of MLC and I am glad that I no longer expose myself to that storm.
I have seen her move through some of the stages of MLC…….but she is still in it and I believe she is stuck and will never come out, thus my happiness that we did not reconcile. She is a very unhappy person but I think she stopped blaming me for her situation and the only way I accomplished that was to put as much distance as possible between her and I and I look forward to the day that I will not have to ever have any contact with her ever again.
That may sound harsh or even bitter, but it is not, it just is the way it is. The person that was my wife that I met so many years ago died. The person that occupies her body now is someone different and that is okay, my marriage was a good and happy marriage and I remember that way, and she does too, but it is over just like high school or college or a job I used to have. It is done now and it is a memory and the memory is a good one. This has brought peace and happiness back into my life and has allowed me to find love again with someone else……..something I could not even imagine possible a couple of years ago!!
I hope that this post gives someone out there HOPE………
HOPE that you can find happiness again, HOPE that you will find peace and security in your life, HOPE that you will find love again.
YOU will find all those things again but not in your marriage…….even if you save your marriage all those things lie within YOU not in your marriage. They are the things you bring to the marriage, not the things that you take from it.
Save yourself first……………the rest will follow.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
MHL, Thank you for coming back and posting. I am very glad that you are doing well and have rediscovered yourself. Congratulations on the new relationship.
Come back and post again soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
MHL, Thanks for returning and posting your success.
This a long road we travel and the lessons are in the journey itself not in the destination.
I never in a million years thought this is what success would look like but it can be a peaceful contented life no matter what the outside circumstances are.
please visit again, your journey has helped me and im sure others feel the same.
