Sunny, I'm glad your inlaws told you how they felt. They are worried about you because they know that their daughter isn't acting properly. They do care about you. Why did you doubt that? Is it because of what your wifey has said? You can't believe anything that comes out of her mouth, i.e., if her lips are moving, she's lying during the crisis. Yes, we are all awesome and we all have a lot to offer...don't forget that!Keep the faith.
Snodderly they were like this but yesterday they were distant mean and completely ignored me - I hate that my wife is away and doesn't call to talk to me - she travels for work - I always loved her goodnight calls when she was away - I think I am detached and ok - then I STILL have moments when I feel like I am falling apart - I don't know how you all stay so strong positive and focused - I feel completely destroyed today - a beautiful new kitchen ( I am the cook in the family so I its great ) Christmas less than 2 weeks away ( my fav time of the year usually ) Work is insanely busy for the 1st time in 4 years I am making money again and I still feel like I just want to die - I don't get the ups and downs - I can't stand feeling this way -
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Sunny, You have to realize that I have been at this for an extremely long time. It took me approximately a year to really feel good again and to get a handle on the ups and downs. It's not easy, but you have to turn your focus to other things when those feelings come over you.
So, what was wrong w/the inlaws yesterday? You love the holidays? Then get cracking and create some new traditions. Plan some things for yourself and see if any of the single guys at work would like to do something over the holidays. There is no reason why you can't get out and have a bit of fun on your own. It might just help w/the down times.
BTW, the ups and downs are all part of the grieving process...it will get better in time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I hope today was a good day for you. Christmas has always been our big holiday. Every year it looks like Christmas blew up in my house. We put up 7 trees of different sizes. I have a 4 1/2 foot nutcracker! We loved Christmas. It was a time to go all out with the decorations and spoil the girls and spend so much time together as a family. It's hard to pull the stockings out and have to put H's back. The girls don't want anything of his out. By the way it sounds, you love Christmas too. We need to find what really matters, what there is to celebrate this year. Try to put your troubles aside and enjoy your beautiful son. Pray everyday and remember how wonderful you are. I know your son thinks you're wonderful!
Sat night my wife went out with her GF and her GF took a picture of her and Raul and posted it on her FB page - I got 3 calls about it - people are like what is going I say - nothing as far as I know, that's her business.
Before she left she told her parents that I was going out as well but not to worry that I would be home WAY before her - my friends party went till 3:00 so I actually got home after her she was up waiting for me on the couch - she said hey when I came in I said hey and I went up to the bathroom -
Positive (no expectation)Updates we have been talking a lot more - this morning she talked to me for 45 minutes about her new job - its hard for me to listen - so this is a big 180 for me - I paused the TV and sat and listened to her.
She told me 2 weeks ago she wanted FIOS I said doesn't that have a long contract. So we got FIOS TV/INTERNET - which is a 2 year contract last week and yesterday we got new cell phones for a 2 year contract -- while we were getting the phones she put her head on my arm and was snuggling on it - I know we can't talk about relationship but this is very confusing to me - that she blows me off on our anniversary yet she is tying herself to me with these 2 things for 2 years -
The kitchen is almost done my FIL had to leave so I have to finish it - I was putting some stuff away she says "you'll be cooking in here for years I hope you will enjoy it"
Still no kissy, huggy, or touching but I am unsure - but what else is new LOL
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
First of all, great response to the fb posting questions...it IS her business (choices/karma/etc) so non-judgementally throw the responsibility back where it belongs --> to her. By doing so your are probably reacting in a way she is not expecting, and as her attempts at "negative attention" fall flat, eventually she'll figure out that it isn't working and maybe she'll see you differently than she expects, which will throw her for a loop.
The other new positive stuff? Well, MAYBE she is starting to MAYBE glimpse reality, or at least "trying on" continuing being with you. Maybe her parents had a little talk with her, who knows. I watched this happen with my W, in April she was still making social profiles under her maiden name, still cold and done as far as she expressed to me. In May something changed, last OM showed true colors, something...I am not sure, who knows. This is when she warmed up a bit, some future "we" things started slipping out of her mouth, she started being concerned with what I may think, feel, etc. She returned to MBR bed. Lots of back and forth through the summer with noticeable warming (some hugs, etc). This fall has been few hugs, but warming in other areas (though not physically) so it's like watching a Wimbledon tennis match.
I don't know about your W, but mine, once she makes her mind up about something, she hangs onto it very stubbornly. And these OPs are like drugs, very similar physiological effects, ever quit smoking? It's like that... so be ready for the back and forth.
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we have been talking a lot more - this morning she talked to me for 45 minutes about her new job - its hard for me to listen - so this is a big 180 for me - I paused the TV and sat and listened to her.
Perfect...this is how you SHOW, your actions say much more truth than words...and so do HERS.
Maybe this could be some warming, hard to say. Interesting she was waiting up for you at 3am...Maybe do a little bit more of that, see if her curiosity gets tickled. Of course, this is all speculation, so your mileage may vary...
Just keep being the new improved Sunny, stay detached, expect nothing, stay out of her way, stay out of yours, keep moving forward...how are your other GAL activities going?
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Just keep being the new improved Sunny, stay detached, expect nothing, stay out of her way, stay out of yours, keep moving forward...how are your other GAL activities going?:) T^2
Yes you are correct !!! -- Mileage may vary - today we went to my sons class together I was careful not to crowd her etc - she was actually making contact with me - leaning on me touching me - BUT as we were leaving I picked up her coat and held it for her to help her put it on - she grabbed it out of my hand nastily and put it on herself -- oh well If I barely give a $hit anymore = detachment than so be it - I am very fed up -- so I act as if I don't care - cuz I am fried and feel if your gonna go go already, if your gonna cheat cheat already, if you want a divorce, divorce me already - I got stuff to take care of and a life to live- I barely have time to breath T2 I am swamped at both my jobs and any spare time I have is spent with my son, working around the house or going to church - also starting a "SINATRA/BENNET band" SInging old standards a life long dream we got 8 songs down - I think our 1st show is in April
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
