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hb5,

Just found your thread and it hurts to read. I am married to an addict and the way they hurt us and then ask "Are you mad at me?" is baffling. They really only see themselves, until they get help. My H is probably in a relapse which would explain his selfish behavior right now.

I didn't want to go to a 12 step support group because I thought it meant I was wrong somehow. But the emotional support I got from the group was priceless. I do suggest you give it a try.


Me: 44
H: 48
M: 4 yrs
My EA: 2010 & 2012
Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11
H left 1st time: 10/28/11
Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11
H left 2nd time: 12/23/12
Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8
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hb5,

Just found your thread and it hurts to read. I am married to an addict and the way they hurt us and then ask "Are you mad at me?" is baffling. They really only see themselves, until they get help.
Originally Posted By: Lampstand
My H is probably in a relapse which would explain his selfish behavior right now.


I'm sorry that you are going through what you are going through as well.

Originally Posted By: Lampstand

I didn't want to go to a 12 step support group because I thought it meant I was wrong somehow. But the emotional support I got from the group was priceless. I do suggest you give it a try.


I think you all are right. I will try to find a group in my area and give it a try. I do need additional support.


Heartbroken5
Me:38|H:40
Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
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I got a text from the H yesterday while still at work about some mail that arrived at the house. One item being a registration renewal for my car. He said he would pay it... very strange. He hasn't wanted to do anything for me since I moved out (with the exception of paying for my drink when we met). He also mentioned that he couldn't stop looking at a photo that I sent to him a while back (while I was truly trying to get his attention) and maybe we can see one another tomorrow (which is today). The text was sent at 4:30 or so and I still have not responded. I'm a bit unsure what to say at this point. I don't want to push him away, but I do want to acknowledge that I got the messages as well as see him. I think I will respond to his text this afternoon, but I am a little unsure as I don't know if seeing him again will cause another emotional breakdown (behind closed doors) for me or if I should just bite the bullet and position myself with no expectations.


Heartbroken5
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Together: 10 years
Married:5
BD: May 2013
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Met with the H last night we had a very good time together. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, and then began to talk about things. He shared some of his feelings about his behavior in our marriage and I did the same. He kept commenting on how good I looked and how he loved when I laughed. He admitted to a lot of his insecurities and I listened attentively. Our conversation then led to the status of the divorce. He suggested that I don't sign the papers and not worry about that. He said that he was really angry when he filed and didn't feel like there were any other options. He mentioned that he thought he wanted to be single but doesn't feel any happier and he has realized that he does love me and want to be with me. He just didn't know how it could happen right now (the logistics of reconciliation). I told him that those decisions aren't made overnight and how I wished that it could be. We decided that we would step back from the divorce process and get reaquainted with one another. He began calling me Mrs (our last name). It was nice and I feel really good about this. It is a great start, but I also know that I am not to believe what he says and focus on me still... I have waited so long for last night to hear his thoughts, where he is, what he wants as well as a chance to express what I feel and want. Now where do I go from here? I don't want to place any pressure on him. Any advice???


Heartbroken5
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BD: May 2013
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Well, it wasn't real. He's back to divorce papers. I guess I was a fool to believe there was hope.


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i can't do this. i can't do it on my own.


Heartbroken5
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You can. Just hang in there. YOu are worth it. Do you have friends and family right now you can go to?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I'm hanging in there Mr. Bond. I have a few friends here, but am tired of crying on their shoulders. Right now this board is all that I have.


Heartbroken5
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BD: May 2013
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That's why you must go out and GAL. As hard as it is, it's something you have to do to start reclaiming yourself. Start of small. Go out for a walk around the neighborhood one day, then go a little farther the next. Then do something you've always wanted to do but couldn't or didn't. Little at a time. The best healing is the one that starts slow and doesn't use a quick fix band-aid.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Originally Posted By: heartbroken5
i can't do this. i can't do it on my own.


This is a dark, painful, gut-wrenching experience to go through. Most of us have been there, right there in that black hole you find yourself in right now. I wish there was a magic pill, but healing takes time. Lots of time. It's OK to feel bad, it's OK to cry, it's OK to grieve. But don't let it drag you all the way into the darkness. Try to keep one toe in the light for now. Later you can put your foot out there, then your leg and soon enough your whole body will be basking in the light again. Just hang in there, I was there and I can definitely assure you that not only do things get better, but they can and will be better than ever before!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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