Billion Dollar Bill

[breakdownbill]

I haven't posted any updates on my sitch in quite a while, so I thought I'd fill people in on what's been happening while I've been away from these boards...

My STBXW and I have been pretty amicable on the whole and we've been able to talk through what we both want in terms of D, so we've just used the one solicitor (lawyer) & we are splitting the costs 50/50. We each get to see & help write the paperwork, so there is no surprises & on Monday the divorce papers (petition) were sent to court. So it really should be straight forward and pushed through by April or May.

Since moving back at home the children have been staying with me every Tuesday night & every other weekend for 2 nights & when I dont have them on the weekend I see them on Sunday for a few hours. They seem pretty settled with the arrangements now & they both know how much me and their mum love them.

I won't lie Christmas Day, was one of the toughest days for me, not spending the whole day with my kids, but my family and friends helped me get through it though

Things are going well at UNI, got just over 4 months until all being well I become a qualified teacher, so I'm busy working towards that.

After moving back home I went out on a few dates with someone who lived about 100 miles away from me (online dating) but nothing serious just a little bit of fun.

Then last month on my mums birthday I was in the library and noticed one of the girls from my class who I really liked. We smiled at each other and just started talking for about 20 mins before I had to rush off for a meeting.

We just clicked straight away, I know people talk about love at first sight, but this really was. After a few weeks of talking on the phone and texting, we went out for a drink and kissed that night. I'd never felt this way about anyone before, not even the STBXW when we first met.

Things are going really well with this girl and we are madly in love with each other.

I'm happy with my personal life, my family life with the kids. I feel closer to my own family than I have in years. I'm making more of an effort with my friends and spending more time with them too.

I feel like I'm enjoying life again and I know exactly who I am, who I was and I love it.

When I think about where I was this time last year and how low I was feeling, it just makes you realise what a difference a year makes.

Just like everyone else on here though, I had to live through it, the stress, tears, regrets, sense of loss and the guilt.

If I got through it and my head was like a box of cats then, I'm sure anyone can.

I'm not saying that what I saved is right for everyone, I saved myself, my marriage was over.

What I am saying though is, when you are coming through the other side of this you are 10 times the person you were before you started.

The vets on here really helped me a lot (especially Chatterbug, Denver,Sandi, Bond & my newbie friend Yankee) when I needed them the most & I'll never forget that. I made some real friends on here and this really is a community.

If you feel like throwing in the towel, don't...Have faith that you'll be ok and if you can fix your marriage then that's a bonus.

Bill

[adinva]

Happy for you Bill!

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Ad

It's been a long road and It'll never really be walked because of the kids, but it's a lot easier now.

Going through all that rubbish last year and having my life turned upside down was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I'll have to catch up on your sitch, but has there been any movement with H spending more time with the boys? Is he mellowing or still really strict with them?

Bill

[newman7977]

Wow Bill you sound well! Glad to hear from you.

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Newman!!

I'm feeling good and have moved on with my life.

It feels good not being in limbo and having a failed marriage under your belt is still experience and we do learn from our mistakes.

Bill

[adinva]

You have a good memory BB. I don't see any change in H with regard to the boys, he's as mad and strict as ever but just not around as much. Unfortunately that's an improvement.

[AnotherStander]

Congrats Bill, sounds like you're doing well! Glad to hear the divorce is going amicably, that can make a huge difference in keeping resentment and bitterness out of the equation which is especially important when kids are involved. Good luck to you!

[sayitaintso]

Happy for you Bill

[MrBond]

"I know people talk about love at first sight, but this really was. After a few weeks of talking on the phone and texting, we went out for a drink and kissed that night. I'd never felt this way about anyone before, not even the STBXW when we first met.

Things are going really well with this girl and we are madly in love with each other."

Good to hear, HOWEVER, don't fall into this trap. This is the same thinking that spouses use when they 'fall in love' with OP. As long as you use the DB principles you learned and apply them to your new R, you will be fine.

Good luck.

[breakdownbill]

Thanks guys, I'm in a much better place these days.

Ad - that's a shame that H is still being that way with the boys, discipline and rules are important, but so is having a good time with your children and showing them that you love them by having fun in the moment. You've never lost sight of that being the most important side to your relationship with the boys. It's a shame there's nobody (friends or family on his side) that can't get that through to him.

Thanks Bond, it's weird because this just happened naturally and I think this could only have happened once I'd regrouped and fixed myself.

I definitely won't be making the same mistakes I made 1st time around, but at the same time, I've not once compared this girl to my stbxw.

I'm really happy and if things are still going well in a few months time, my next dilemma will crop up, introducing her to my kids.

That's way off for now though, but my kids will always come first.

Thanks

Bill