New to the forum, WAH 10/3/12

[notsurewhat2do]

New Years Eve for me was much harder than Christmas. Christmas was busy and it kept my mind occupied. New Years Eve it was just DD and I. We went to dinner, went shopping and rented a couple movies. We watched movies and 12:00 kinda snuck up on us. But I was still very lonely. In the past H and I have never had traditional plans. Sometimes we went to a party, sometimes stayed home, last year DD went to a "teenage" party and we went to eat. But we were always together. So it was very lonely to be spending it with only DD.

DD and I had a little tiff New Years Eve about Child Support. Our paper say payments start first of December 2012. He paid Dec in a lump, paid what he borrowed and gave me $700 for Christmas (which I got in writing was not part of CS). But when I asked when he thought he would have my money for January, he said he would be paying me weekly... $150 weekly. I have been budgeting to use his money for housenote and groceries. He knows this, I've told him several times. He said he never told me he was paying me monthly, always saying weekly. I said NO, the papers say it due on the FIRST ... All of this happens as I'm getting ready to go to my office and get him a computer, because the one he took wasn't working. I spent Sunday trying help him with his computer, looked up computer repairs places for him Monday and finally told him I'd go get him and extra to use while his is being fixed. Anyways, my lawyer pointed out that if he pays me weekly ... I actually get $600 extra a year. So I'm okay with weekly payments ... as long as he pays. I know I need to keep up with it, how do most do that? Write it on a calendar? Copies of the checks? Just wondering

I'm doing okay though. I haven't had weepy periods in a while. I've joined weight watchers, I'm getting things done around the house, I'm getting in contact with old friends that I haven't seen in a while. I've had friends tell me when I'm ready to date, they have a great guy for me ... right now, I'm not interested in dating. I'm still waiting for H. I'm still not ready to file the papers. I think I'll know when it's time. But I'm actually doing good. God is faithful and picks me up when I'm am down. Amazing .... I am starting a bible study Jan 16 and I'lm looking forward to contecting with people in my situation and maybe even helping others.

H and I actually do get a long. He locked his keys in his 4-Runner running the other day and DD had the extra in her room. So he came over to get it. We joked and laughed about it and talked like normal. Only difference, he left to go home. He never talks about OW with me or DD and still calls me for odd things - like how to cook a pork loin.

I still love him and it is hard watching him leave, but it's getting easier. I think a lot about what will happen when he and OW get married and how much that will hurt (if they get married). And I hate that he is ruining his relationship with DD and doesn't act like he cares. He doesn't realize she is using him to get things she wants. Like rides to BF's house because I'm at work or Halloween costumes because I can't pay $50 for it. She is using the situation to her full advantage and either he doesn't see it or doesn't care.

Life goes on ..........

[notsurewhat2do]

H came by the house yesterday to see DD before he left for a few days and to bring C/S check. $300 .. which is last week and this week. He was running late and needed to get going. I immediately thought "why are you running late? What was you doing?" but I did not voice it. I wanted to so bad, but of course my mind went racing to "other" things ... like what was him and OW doing to make him late? Kinda made me sick and sad all at the same time. When does that stop? When I find someone to occupy my thoughts so I don't have just him and his OW to focus on.

Anyways, the visit was short and good. He looked good and I had on make up and clean hair - probably not looking great (I was dressed like I normally would be on a Sunday afternoon). But we chatted about the trade show he was going to. I did send him a text later in the day about a boy he coached in Football that was in our local paper (good thing) and then today asking about the trade show. I know, not 180, but I'm very interested in finding out. Of course, no answer. Doesn't suprise me though. If I checked the phone records, I'm sure he got it and texted OW instead.... that's the reason I don't check. It just makes me sad!

[Aventinus]

If I checked the phone records, I'm sure he got it and texted OW instead.... that's the reason I don't check. It just makes me sad!

Please, do not check phone records. You are just torturing yourself. If texting him brings such thoughts in your head - stop texting him altogether (except in a case of a major emergency).

[notsurewhat2do]

YEA, I haven't checked phone records since gathering evidence of OW. It just makes me mad and sad. Same things with bank statements. I have online access to them, but don't check. It would just piss me off, so why torture myself.

He did finally answer the text about the trade show. It was quick and I didn't respond back.

I have to keep reminding myself, he is in full "dating" mode with OW. I was looking back over some calendar/journals that I kept when we first started dating and it all sounds so familiar. We went shopping, he brough me flowers, he would come over everyday, call me all hours, etc .. that I can't get enough of you stuff. I guess I got boring and wasn't excited to enough to hear about 3 hours of deer hunting. My guess, she'll get bored soon enough ... I'd be suprised to find out she hunts. She could, but I'd be suprised (yes, I started hunting just so I could go with H and experince something he loved ... but with a teenager that wants to do stuff, one of us has to be the parent/adult and be with the teenager). I guess thats were my lack of support comes in???

[notsurewhat2do]

I got a text from H unsolicted last night. He told me they were going out to dinner with owners of a company. I answered "Cool!". I was really suprised I got something. DD did say he sent her a text really late one night saying how good it was for them (hunting club) to be there. I'm sure he is sending same things to OW ... oh well, gotta get use to it.

I'm already looking for someone to take me turkey hunting this spring. One of the dr in our practice said she could get her Hubby to take me. I told her I needed an older verison of her hubby (he's only like 34 - too young for me)Wouldn't it be something if I went with someone else and killed one without H or even went by myself and killed one! That'd show him, huh?

I was a little sad last night. I went to my first WW meeting in almost 2 years. Last time I would text H with my weight loss info and he would be encouraging... nobody to text now except DD ... oh well, something else to get use to!