Obviously we have been through a lot here on the east coast. My neighborhood very minimally effected (although lots of down trees).
Seeing insane gas lines, every other person at work being without power, near by neighborhoods underwater. No subways. The jersey shore & Staten Island demolished. It puts things in perspective thats for sure.
After my H sent me an angry email Monday while the storm was gaining momentum. I responded to him, I thought very well within the DB perimeters but not getting stepped on - I included the line, I am not the vicious person you see me as. (SOmehow I deleted the email or I would post it here)
Anyway after my reply I didn't hear from him again until Thursday afternoon. Its really incredible. The biggest storm in the history of NY and H is so mad at me that he doesn't check in on his kids.
It was an eye opener.
I forgive myself for the mistakes I made when I was married. I forgive myself.
I am so lucky to have found the support I have here and in Al anon. I am learning how to love life regardless of the hardships.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
H just emailed me some dates regarding the holidays. He let me know that he is "going out of town" for a week around New Years.
I am assuming another vacation with other woman. It made me sad. Here we are dividing up our kids Christmas and he is taking a vacation with woman. Doesn't it hurt him? Doesn't he want to be with his kids the whole week he has off?
Who is this man?
In someways it makes me feel better because he is such a cliche. But in the cliche what happens next? Doesn't the man just stay with the floussy?
He thinks this is great. He does not give a hoot about how upset he makes our kids. He believes his lies. I am a monster and now he is happy.
I can't wait for my girls to come home after their weekend with him. Giving them a big big hug always makes me better.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Who is this man? He's a pod person right now, the exact opposite of the man you know and love. He doesn't give a fig about anything right now except having fun and doing things for himself. No, he doesn't want to be responsible for his kids for an entire week. He wants to be in the "me" mode and has other things to do...that he wants to do.
Don't buy or drink his koolaid...it's the type that will bring you down and you do not want to own his issues.
Keep moving forward and give the girls hugs and more hugs. They are the diamonds in your tiara!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't know how they can live with themselves. But now I know for sure my H is trying to find a new identity. It's crazy. They are not the men we fell in love with and that makes me sad. Same body, different personality. So hard to accept.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
OMG, my high school/college boyfriend who I have been somewhat in touch with over the years because I am friends with his sister and my mom his mom, So he had a baby with his girlfriend 2 years ago. Then they broke up, cause she was crazy, I mean really coo coo and he had restraining orders etc. They were fighting over parenting time and....
Now he has been at a new job in New Mexico for 2 months and she is leaving Bklyn to "make a go" at with him in New Mexico.
How can these two coo coo heads get back together after having a crazy termoltous relationship and me & my H who were crazy stable can't even attempt to reconcile.
Can some one please tell me what the heck I am doing wrong?? Maybe I just need to freak out on my freaky H??
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
If you think freaking out on your h will bring him back, go ahead and try it, however, I can guarantee you that he'll get a restraining order and will run even faster in the other direction. You would be providing him w/even more justification as to why he left you.
You are not doing anything wrong here...it takes time and more time and patience and more patience to work through a crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I forgive myself for the mistakes I made when I was married. I forgive myself.
Bklyn - this is so important but the longer I go through this MLC with my wife I realize this is not the reason this happened. This behavior comes from many unresolved issues from adolescence.
My DB phone coach explained to me that if you actions/behaviors caused this then as soon as the behavior was corrected the MLCer would see this and rationally see you changed and work to save the relationship.
I am not saying that we don't have a resposibility for our flaws. MLCers need to blame ANYONE OTHER THAN THEMSELVES since you're so close to them it's easy to blame you.
My wife taught me how to be kind, loving and forgive - cuz she was so much these 3 things - where is she now - I don't know.
Remember for better or worse !!!
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Sunny and Snodderly - I won't do the freak out method I suggested earlier. I too know it won't work but it might feel good for a minute to scream and lose my mind.
"" this is so important but the longer I go through this MLC with my wife I realize this is not the reason this happened. This behavior comes from many unresolved issues from adolescence.""
I know it took me months and months to realize that this wasn't my fault. Thanks for your reminders of patience and what vows mean but I think I will be an example of some one who made through enact but without a H. ( I am not saying that to be glum.)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
"Doesn't he want to be with his kids the whole week he has off?"
Right now, he's obsessed w/OW and the kids just get in the way. I hope you will see this change.
After 5 years and a life-threatening medical issue, my X has begun to show some--some--more interest in D.
I am not sure that he will ever give her the attention she really needs. He's missed out on a great deal with her, and I think he feels that some. But he's still in Selfish mode. Less than before, but it's still there.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
