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Thanks FY and TG

FY I understand silence might not be good but compared to our 1st month, she clearly was able to tell me she wanted out. But to be honest yes I was pushing her to answer the question. Maybe because I am more detached and that I know my life will be fine with or without her.....I guess I wasn't scared to hear the outcome right? If she said she was done, I was already prepared to say thank you and move on...I want to stick to my 6 month plan...but If we do these monthly R checkups, I will ask the same question. One of my 180 is to stop hiding my feelings.

I won't bring up R questions unless we continue to do these monthly R checkups that she requested in our therapy session.

For my boundary...ya I am ready to follow through. I decided if she really did it, then that means she is happy. I have no right to deny her happiness and I refuse to allow myself to suffer.

Maybe I can heal from it later if she crosses the boundary, but right now it's my boundary.

Before this I told her my stance that I want her, I can be a great husband, I can make her happy again. I reinforced I am there for her.


Me:36 W:34
T:15 M:10
3 kids
S8 S5 S1
D-Day 9/17/2012
OM Confirmed 9/18/2012

Month of November found my balls
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Posts: 103
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Journaling

Today my W is going on her trip to visit her best friend and the OM might drive up to visit her.

I wished her well and to be happy (gave a hug). Said i will take care of the kids.

Kind of funny...I think I am getting really close on full detachment. I do still feel some pain, anger and jealous but its natural. I already know these feelings won't go away for some time and i just have to remind myself, i can make myself happy.

Not feeling sad at all today.....I guess because I told her my stance and she promised she would tell me if she crossed it. But i guess its also because I already expect the worse that she might cross that boundary and maybe my mind and body is ready to move on even without waiting for the 6 month timeline.

I plan on taking all 3 kids this weekend to my brother to have fun!!! I haven't seen him in a while.

Today was suppose to be an emotional rollercoast check point for me....but its not emotional...

I have also started thinking about life without my W. I been thinking about that career change more and wish i could do it but i would like to take my kids with me (in another country). I guess once everything is finalized, I can talk to my W about custody of the kids. I am thinking if she won't allow them to move with me, i can get them every summer vacation (3 months) and vist them during holidays and birthdays. But at the same time, i think its rather selfish of me to leave the kids like that...So maybe i have to put a hold on it. But its fun thinking about the possibilities of life without my W (who i still love dearly)


Me:36 W:34
T:15 M:10
3 kids
S8 S5 S1
D-Day 9/17/2012
OM Confirmed 9/18/2012

Month of November found my balls
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 103
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I finally did it. Yesterday I told my wife, I wanted to move on.

I told her, I can't be in this marriage, while she continues to see the OM. I wrote many other things.

I probably won't post in here for awhile. I am going dark with my W.

Unfortunately I thought 6 month plan would hold out but I can't explain it...i felt I tried everything, I felt I gave everything I could to just get another chance. I had to do this for myself and the kids.

I can't explain it, I was ready to really let go.

This morning when I woke up, I didn't think about what my W was doing, but thought about what I was going to do....

Thanks to everyone who heard my story and gave advice. At the end, we all have our own timelines. Remember we control it, not our Spouses.

Later LBS


Me:36 W:34
T:15 M:10
3 kids
S8 S5 S1
D-Day 9/17/2012
OM Confirmed 9/18/2012

Month of November found my balls
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
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Michele and the vets say we'll know when we are done, and it sounds like you feel you're there. I wish you and your family the best LS, stop by and let us know how things are going with you guys.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Originally Posted By: lostsoul13
Unfortunately I thought 6 month plan would hold out but I can't explain it...i felt I tried everything, I felt I gave everything I could to just get another chance. I had to do this for myself and the kids.


I've made it 6 months from BD (6 months today in fact). But I fully relate to what you're saying. It's not that I want to give up on W, it's that when I really and truly detached I just lost interest in waiting for her. I'm to the point of having that same talk with my W, I'm ready to let go and move on with my life and start dating. I'm hesitant to have that talk right before the holidays though (I really have no idea whether she'll be upset or not, but if she does get upset I don't want her to be during the holidays), so I think I'll hold off a few weeks.

Quote:
At the end, we all have our own timelines.


Exactly right. Some people may jump in to criticize you for not giving it more time, but just like a loving spouse can become a WAS overnight, so too can a LBS change their minds quickly. It's different for every individual.

Good luck!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Oct 2012
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Hi

Just to give an update. Status is still the same with my situation. Probably will recieving the D papers soon.

The only thing that has changed is, i decided to move to another country for a career change. Something i always wanted to do and try. My W took it well but it has changed our child custody scenerio, but my W and I are working on this together to insure our kids can spend time with both parents.

Going dark has been hard..she basically still is in the house everyday. I haven't given up on DB, GAL and 180. Still doing it today. Right now, I can talk to my W like a normal friend without wondering "What if". The weird thing is, she continues to treat me nicer than the beginning 2 months of D-Day. I try not to pay attention, as I just consider her being nice to be a reflection of our 15 years.

Of course a little of me still hopes it all works out (she knows this) but at the end, I will be okay no matter what happens.

With me out of the picture in a few months(when i move), I can finally get along with my new life and my W can find her happiness with OM.

Thanks again to everybody who has given me their advice and stories.


Me:36 W:34
T:15 M:10
3 kids
S8 S5 S1
D-Day 9/17/2012
OM Confirmed 9/18/2012

Month of November found my balls
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