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Joined: Jun 2010
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Quiet weekend alone. Trying to get used to it. Forcing myself to change my mindset. Did well this weekend - accomplished a lot. Thought I would wake up Monday morning ready to go - instead, just flat. It's hard sometimes to admit that I don't know how I'm supposed to be. Every moment of my adult life has been spent taking care of others - at home and at work. Now, I feel like I don't have the resources - the knowledge or energy or money - mostly the knowledge - to take care of myself.

Just at odds....


M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
A Day at a Time
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IB - I can almost promise that you will come to like your new life. My xh took off just after my youngest turned 18 and finished High School, and 8 months after my mom died after a long illness. So yes, for a time there is no-one to look after.

I wanted to fill the void with what was familiar, not what was unfamiliar [didn't see it like that at the time].

A number of things happen. First off, without being selfish, it can be nice only having to take care of yourself. Second, there are lots of people out there who could use a little help[without turning into someone who spends their life taking care of others again] Thirdly as our children grow older they still need us to be there. Just after marriage and just after going away to school they are absorbed in their new lives, but as you let them go, they come back.

Sometimes it is hard to imagine your life being any other way than what it inow, and if it isn't very enjoyable right now, it can be difficult to see it could be good again. And I don't mean simply OK. Really really good. But as with our xh's MLC it takes time to work through the grief, loss and abandonment.

Cadet posted some amazing stuff on my last thread, stages of LBS, and I can see that I am in the later stages of coming to terms with all of this. It is normal to feel really awful after a long and successful marriage ends. It is the people who don't feel bad who actually have the problems.


You posted a while back, to AJM I think, that you wanted more, and like him I regard this as being a very positive sign. You are not stuck in sadness, but experiencing it and wanting to get out and move on. It is like getting out of quicksand onto dry land, the sadness [censored] us back, but if we persist with a goal of a happier life, I think we do get there. There is always a scar, but one we can live with, one that makes us human like our wrinkles and stretch marks.

You come acrosss as an amazingly nice person - from what I read here, most of the lbs are kind and compassionate people, who were probably propping up, sometimes without realising it, some pretty damaged goods. When we don't have a heavy load to carry it feels strange. But like I said, it has a really positive aspect to it, but you understandably don't see it right now.

Joined: Jun 2010
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Beatrice,
Thank you so much for this response. It was very, very helpful. I think you were able to bring much needed perspective
IB


M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
Ds-24,22/S-18
D - 3/11
A Day at a Time
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