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Joined: Jan 2012
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It's not petty to protect your financial interests. In fact, it's very wise.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 260
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timbits Offline OP
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i know. it's not really about the money, though. it's more that i don't want him to get the idea that i'm here to clean up his messes any more. it's more the principle than the amount of money.

and i was doing so well before he spewed his garbage at me. i don't need that in my daily life. i don't need a reminder that my original h is long gone and re-grieve the loss again. i don't need his cr@p or his negativity. i need to move on. i need to heal. and this is just ripping the scab off again.

maybe i shouldn't post here any more because i'm not busting the divorce, i'm actively getting one. it's almost like i had to take a stand for me and the m, but the only way i could do that was by leaving. i mean, him having another gf isn't really a m, now, is it? there are certain things that i can't tolerate and won't. and that is so disrespectful that he left me with no other choice.

i don't know. i'm seriously tempted to leave work early today. i also need to close out my bank account, and have to do that during business hours, and i could use the time. i have some overtime that i need to take...


M:29
H:30
M:2.5 years
T:13 years
No kids
EA:11/2011
PA:01/2012
Bomb:02/2012
H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012
Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 260
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timbits Offline OP
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thank god that today is over. i found it really rough to get through the day. i found that i was very distracted, and it was hard to stop thinking about stbxh and his spew. it just made me really angry. i mean, what right does he have to dump that on me? it's his problem now. when he "fired" me as his wife, i also quit being his secretary.

it's almost like he knows i'm doing well and he wants to bring me down. and here i was thinking that things were going well. i even knew about him and ow before it was confirmed, and i was letting it all go, not letting it get under my skin. well, he's succeeded in getting under my skin. i'm just so angry at the two of them. him, for the obvious reasons, and her because she was supposedly my friend. i would NEVER do that to another woman. i don't care what reason he gives. a married man is unavailable. and to think she used to be my "friend". it just makes me sick. it's like being betrayed all over again.

it's almost like his email was a catalyst that brought all of this anger out. maybe i was kidding myself with my calm, zen-ness. i'm definitely not zen at the moment. and being angry doesn't feel good and it doesn't make me feel any better. i want to let it go, but i just can't. it's still too raw. i guess i just have to feel it for now? ugh. hate this.

i made a big pot of goulash tonight (american chop suey, if you will, but we always just called it goulash when i was a kid). this was my favourite meal when i was little, and i find it very comforting. i throw in a few things i didn't when i was younger (garlic, mushrooms, bay leaves, etc), and it's cheap, easy and tasty. it will do well for my lunches this week. and i still have tons in the freezer. i've got bellydance tomorrow night, wednesday i have dinner for a work event and thursday night i plan on baking an apple struesel cake. i'm going to my aunts cabin on friday night with my mom, cousin's wife and her three year old daughter. bea is coming, too, so it will be a nice girl's weekend, lol. hopefully being busy will prevent me from stressing out so much. distraction, while maybe not the best coping mechanism, does certainly work in a pinch. haha, i just typoed that as punch. maybe i need to try boxing? it would help get out some aggression...


M:29
H:30
M:2.5 years
T:13 years
No kids
EA:11/2011
PA:01/2012
Bomb:02/2012
H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012
Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 114
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Hi Timbits- I feel your pain and support you 100%. You are very strong to have kept your cool for so long and to not share your sitch with any of your family members. I told my mom and by the time I made it to her house, 30 mins later, she had blabbed to my sisters, her sisters, etc. it was a nightmare and alienated some other family members. Fast forward, H and I are working on our marriage but he has a ways to go before I can trust him again. H is also financially irresponsible and lacking in the respect category. Totally a different person. The OW is a person I knew as well. H's niece bestfriend with two kids. Anyway, just wanted to say I admire the way you are handling things and its helps me to deal with my current situation.

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Posts: 260
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timbits Offline OP
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thank you so much, tbmicb (i'm too lazy to write out your whole screen name this morning). it was really hard not to share anything, and i'm glad i didn't while we were still trying to work it out. i think we're past the point of no return right now, which is why i finally told. i still haven't told everything, like how nasty he was, and i only tell people who need to know. as i've said before, you can't un-ring a bell. you have to make sure that when you tell people, you are willing to deal with the consequences if you decide to reconcile. while you may forgive your h, it will be much harder for those who love you forgive someone who hurt you.


M:29
H:30
M:2.5 years
T:13 years
No kids
EA:11/2011
PA:01/2012
Bomb:02/2012
H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012
Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 260
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timbits Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 260
having a much better day today. didn't want to crawl under the bed this morning, lol! went to bellydance last night. it was a lot of fun. there's a performance for the end of the class that is completely optional, but i think i'll take part. i just need to find my costume now!


M:29
H:30
M:2.5 years
T:13 years
No kids
EA:11/2011
PA:01/2012
Bomb:02/2012
H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012
Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 260
T
timbits Offline OP
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OP Offline
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 260
feel really good again. glad i got that out of my system! it really doesn't make you feel better when you're angry with someone. especially when that someone doesn't give a cr@p. and i know that applies to h. and if it doesn't, i wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got under my skin, anyway.

can't believe tomorrow is friday. woo! had a good two days at work today and yesterday, which helped make up for monday and tuesday. i was about an inch away from going to the doctor to discuss stress leave. i just felt like garbage all day. but i'm perking up again and feel more like my old self. well, my NEW old self. haha.


M:29
H:30
M:2.5 years
T:13 years
No kids
EA:11/2011
PA:01/2012
Bomb:02/2012
H starting another EA, I had enough and we seperate: 03/08/2012
Trying to decide what I want for a change...
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 168
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Posts: 168
Bellydance sounds like a great GAL activity. Wish I could watch, LOL. Carry on being in the mood.

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