Otherwise, things are going well. My H and I have been dating, and we both make a great effort during the dates. We see each other once or twice a week. It's usually him asking me over to his place, or to go out. If something comes up that I'd really like to do, I then suggest it. We've kept it light, easy and breezy - yet interesting.
I've come to really enjoy my own space (I have my own apartment now), and don't see me giving it up anytime soon. I've also been focussing on my career a lot - which I never did in the past so much, even though I always had a career. It's very good being a bit self-focussed, or rather - focussed on the things that give me enjoyment such as friends, and my own activities.
My sister recently broke up with her boyfriend of a year, and I gave her all the MWD advice that has helped me. I also suggested the book to her. It is HARD WORK, because it breaks down so many ingrained habits, and there is no certainty in the process. That is the toughest part. Had nothing worked out though, it would be the GALing which would have kept me going.
As it stands, I believe that being independent and continuing to GAL is helping a lot in my new R with my H. It provides a lot of balance.
So far so good. I continue on my 180's and feel natural about it too - which also really helps. So, the work continues. I'll keep everyone posted.
Wonderful post. I am delighted that DB has helped you in coming this far. If you need more specific help in taking this to the next level, there is a $30 discount on DB coaching. I can give you more details and help you find the right coach. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 email@example.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting« Coach.
I read through much of your sitch, and want to read it again more thoroughly. I see a lot of similarities with me and my H, and I see hope there.
My H moved out 3/12 and said he was done 6/12 and wants a D now. But we are great friends, he admits he still loves me, we've been intimate weekly, and he visits me and the boys twice a week for all day Sunday & one weeknight.
My question to you is, you said you had a personal coach. I read about the reframing. Was the coach a DB coach (if so, how many sessions did you get?) or an IC?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
So sorry I haven't been on the board lately. I've been busy with schoolwork.
My coach wasn't a specifically trained DB coach, just someone who was very pro relationships and believed in marriage. He was a friend of a friend who was training to be a relationship coach.
Your H moved out in March right? My H and I are still not living together, only dating. I'm very happy though with the arrangement, as is he. We are exclusive though.
One thing I realise now is that they need to make up their own minds for themselves, otherwise it will not workout. It will be a false start.
It's also important that your happiness and fulfillment comes primarily from outside the R, and that it must come from your own individual life as much as possible. That will help your own independence and attractiveness.
Since we've been dating, my H has said that being with me now is the best because I'm so much more calm and loving. I've always been loving, but never quite calm, hehe. The separation made me realise what is important, and how much I appreciate him. You gotta keep the appreciation up.
I continue to compliment him regularly, and he mirrors that back to me. It feels like we both take more care of each other in a sensitive way.
I tell you, going through the rough patches makes you really wake up to what is important.
Sorry I didn't get back to you until now ! We haven't moved in together just yet, but we see each other every weekend. The main reason is because we each have a place that is not big enough for two people. But he has been talking a lot lately about renovating the appartment to make it bigger for both of us, and is working with the planning permission people to get something like that done. He has a plan B in place in case we don't get the permission. But yes, that is in the cards.
For the moment, how things are going it's just fine.
We are stronger than ever before. We get into little spats from time to time, and we both know how to reign it back in. We have come a very long way, and he has made some grand changes in himself, and I have too. We're not complacent at all, and we keep our appreciation of each other up. We make sure we don't get too comfortable.