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Awesome Nascar.


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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Today was an interesting day. It was a hard day at work, but it made the day go by pretty quick. Then a short class tonight because we had the program's welcoming social tonight. I decided to go to it even though I don't usually go to such things. Oddly, despite there being plenty of open seats, the only single woman that I know of in the program decided to sit down next to me and strike up a conversation. It was actually quite a pleasant time and it was nice to talk to someone who just talked to me as a person and not as a person getting a divorce. Of course she is divorced and a single mother so that might have played a part of it.

After I left the W called me. She wanted to know if I was expecting the kids tomorrow. She said she wasn't sure because she hadn't heard from me. I told her that had figured that she was just bringing the kids every Thursday unless she told me otherwise. I am not sure what to make of her wanting me to call her and let her know if I was expecting the kids. Certainly if there was really a question she could have asked me when I called her on Sunday to tell her where and when my niece's birthday party is going to be on Saturday. (She had asked me to call her with the details.) Honestly I am not sure what to make of the whole thing.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
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Use some kind of Internet based calendar and ask her to communicate through that.

No phone calls are necessary unless it's an emergency.

Set boundaries.

She is testing you.


Enjoy the Silence
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It has been a rough day today. I have been struggling with feelings of hopelessness and depression all day. Even though I recognize that I have a lot of positive things going on in my life right now, I still feel like I am struggling to just make it through each day. I struggle with simple things, like not making enough money to get a place of my own or to be able to buy a car so I can get around without having to ask to borrow my brother's car like a sixteen year old. I also continue to struggle with the fact that I have very few friends, and no time to go out and make any between work and school. Honestly I don't know why I am feeling this way because I have been doing pretty good emotionally for the last couple of days.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
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Posts: 238
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So tonight my parents, one of my brothers and his wife, and two of my nephews and one of my nieces came to town so W let me take the kids so that they could have dinner out with the family. After dinner D 5 asked if I was proud of her for eating all of her fries. I told her that I would have been proud of her even of she hadn't and then she asked if it was because she had tried shrimp. I said no, and then told the kids that I was very proud of all of them and that I loved them very much. Then D 5 said "Mommy says she only loves you a little bit daddy." Immediately S 11 tells her that they are not supposed to talk about that.

Honestly I am not sure what exactly to make of that bit of information. I had just gotten to where I could accept that she really didn't love me, or at least had convinced herself that she didn't and now along comes our daughter telling me that she has told the kids that she does love me, even if just a little bit. Seriously, what do I do with this?


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
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Nascar....

A couple of observations....

"w let me take the kids" ......

This statement sound quite defeatist if you ask me. Yeah i am sure she dis let you....maybe a way to think about this..... "i had my kids yesterday for..... ". Can you see the difference?

Second point..... Your w and you share a bond. That bond isyour M and your children. The bond was the result of love.... so although your Whas filed for a D.... she (and you) still have love for each other. So take what your D said at face value....your W still does Love u "a little bit". That said, her feelings do not mean she wants to come back....it just may mean exactly what she said... she loves you just a little.

A lot of time we torment ourselves trying to read into every statement, every word. If she wanted to reconcile right now.....you'd know.

Peace
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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So it has been a couple of weeks now. Boy this week has been more than a little overwhelming to say the least. On Monday, W and I went to court on her motion to have the court temporarily take away my rights to see the kids. Before the hearing she kept glancing over at me like she wanted to come over and say something to me.

At the hearing the judge ruled partially in my favor. He ruled that I would continue to see the children until the next time that the parenting class is held. If I fail to attend that class then he will revisit the matter. He also ruled that there would be no acceleration of the divorce. After the hearing she told me that she needed to talk to me about something.

She told me that I was using up too many minutes on the shared cell plan and that I needed to cut back calling people or the bill was going to be a lot bigger this month. It seemed like she had more she wanted to talk about, but didn't at that time.

Later in the day she texted me and asked me when I was going to tell the kids that I had a girlfriend. I assured her that I did not have a girlfriend. I did have a woman that I had been talking to that maybe I would pursue a romantic relationship with but that I had no intention of doing so until after the divorce. She did not believe that and told me that she hoped I was happy and "she can have you." I asked her why she cared and why the idea of me dating someone else upset her since she had made it clear that she did not want me. She told me that she did not care, and she was just worried about the kids and the cell phone bill.

However, the next morning she texted me again and told me that she was sorry that she had not made me happy and that she wished that things had turned out differently between us. I told her that I was moving on with my life not because I had been unhappy being married to her but because she walked out on me. This led to a long conversation which resulted in her admitting that she has the urge to let me come home but fights it because she doesn't think things will be different.

After telling her that I did not think either of us were ready for me to come home because there were still a lot of things that needed to be resolved I asked her what she wanted from me. She told me that she wanted me to work on my relationship with the kids. I asked her what she wanted to do about us and she said to just work on the relationship with the kids and we would see what happens between us. Finally I asked her if she thought she would ever want me to come home she said that she did not know what she wants right now but to just keep doing what I have been doing and don't give up hope. We have had several other conversations about our relationship and the potential for reconciliation this week, all of them initiated by her.

Suddenly my life is in turmoil again. I had finally reached a point where I was ready to move on with my life, even after my daughter told me that "mommy says she only loves you a little bit." However suddenly I am faced with a scenario where reconciliation is possible and I feel all tied in knots emotionally again. It is what I want and suddenly I have hope that it is possible because she is the one bringing it up, but at the same time I am scared because I don't know if this is really how she feels or if she will end up changing her mind again. I want to believe this is real but I am also afraid that if I go down this road that I will end up getting my heart broken again.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
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Posts: 659
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Think about attending Retrouvaille together if you can. See www.helpourmarriage.org.

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Hi NASCARDaddy, not that I don't understand your feelings towards your W - but in my view you still have a way to go regarding detachment. Your thoughts circle around the question whether your W will come back or not, what she wants and what not. Stop it. Live your own life. Be proud of your work. Enjoy your kids in the little spare time you have. W and M are a thing of the past. Do you think a successful NASCAR driver wins by constantly watching the rear mirror? Look ahead, drive your own best course. If W wants to join you at some time in the future - fine. If not - it should be fine for your, too. Drive your own race. Good luck.

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No a successful NASCAR driver doesn't constantly look in the rear view mirror, but he also doesn't ignore it. Nor does he become successful by not knowing what is going on around him on the track. He plans his race based on what is going on at any given time. That's why he has a spotter and a crew chief letting him know what the other drivers and teams are doing, where the wrecks are, and where the opportunities are.


M 39, W 34
M 15
S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6
Separated: 7/2/2012
Served: 7/10/2012
Divorced 11/5/2012
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