X demands full custody because I'm now engaged

[sleeper]

I'm sure my kids are fine. X tends to flip out about things and she projects a bit. In addition she commented when I told her C wouldn't talk to me/couldn't work with me, "the reason I wanted us to go to her was so we could work this out."

I'm certain she's already talked to a L and knows she has no grounds (read power) to force a change in custody so she's looking for another tactic. She looked absolutely miserable when I took kids to her at our regular swap time after refusing to allow her to pick them up early. Maybe the C ready sees through X's plan and is just derailing it. It's a family counseling center that no doubt deals with such issues regularly.

[Reincarnated]

My advice wasn't geared toward the kids, so much. But to put your mind at ease, since you are getting physical symptoms of the stress....Hope that the kids C can help you feel better about what is happening.

[forward]

How is it going, Sleeper?

[sleeper]

The sitch with X and custody is going well, Forward. I have heard no more of the subject from X. I believe a L told her she had no grounds and the C she took kids to for the later stated purpose of "us working this out" may have told her there's a boundary she needs to accept.

I have experienced a greater degree of separation through the experience as I am no longer as flexible or available in regards to co-parenting. That's always been a difficult boundary for me as I am devoted to my kids and have done things for their sake that also benefitted X.

X is a very selfish person. Maybe she always was and I didn't notice because I loved hr and I'm a self-sacrificing kind of guy.

Relationship with kids is better than before. I think her antics confused them for a while but they're centered now. DD, who said she wanted to live with X a few months ago, now seeks me out when on X's time to give me hugs. DS and I are closer than ever.

I have a new supervisor at work (might as well have changed jobs) and my mother who I moved to a retirement home is losing her sight (happens in her family in their 80's) but I still have a job and my mother (and my kids their Na Na).

I can't complain. :-)

[AJM]

Very nice to hear Sleeper.

AJ

[sleeper]

Update....X takes kids from fiancée's home without my permission violating custody order.....

After a couple of months of quiet and reemergence of "good will" the "peace on earth" was shattered this week. I met with X one week before Christmas to talk of her "concerns for the children's safety." She's always had some fear driven personal issues and I think the Sandyhook school shooting kicked it into overdrive. Most of her issues involved children and guns. Specifically fiancée's children and guns. There's also some general emotional boil going on with her as the kids said the Sunday before the meeting the was tension in the home. Recognizing the symptoms I asked them if they had a rough weekend to which they immediately replied, "yeah." When she isn't happy she projects and directs at others.

The meeting went fairly well except for a veiled threat, "any judge would agree with me" and "my daughter will never live in a home with a teenage boy (fiancée's son)".

We ended convo by briefly touching base on kid exchange for Christmas. I've ways let her have them Christmas Eve as her family gets together and picked them up Christmas Day for my time with them. She requested to pick them up first thing Xmas Eve to which I replied "no". She kept pressing saying she wanted to take them to breakfast and could bring them back for a while before getting them for family time that evening. I replied no, I dont like playing "ping pong" with kids, not fair or comfortable to anyone (my old position on the matter). I brought the convo to a close by telling her if I went hunting that morning I would drop kids of early at her house but there was it a "10%" chance I would go. I was coming down with the flu at the time and I think that contributed to my failure to remind her of the Xmas Eve tradition with fiancée's family kids and I have attended the past two or three years.

I was lying in bed with the flu the evening of the 23rd when she called to "touch base" about Xmax Eve, asking again if she could pick them up "early" Eve morning which would result in her keeping them the entire day. I told her i had forgotten about my own Eve tradition w fiances family. She immediately went ballistic, screaming at me, informing me she was coming to get the kids mediately. I told her the kids weren't with me, she demanded to know where they were, I informed her the kids were with fiancé because I was sick.

I called fiancé told her what was happening, that I was on my way, got out of bed, dressed and grabbed court custody papers. I called 911 on the way when fiancé phoned me that X had taken kids before I could get there. They immediately transferred me to the police.

Police arrived, read custody order, took statement from fiancé and myself. Daughter called me in presence of police wanting things she needed from my house as this was not the planned swap time and she sas unprepared. I put her on speaker phone do police could hear how upset she was, I asked if she was OK and she responded (sounded crying) she didn't want to talk about it.

Police said X was in violation of custody orders and was quote, "in contempt of court" but it was a civil, not criminal, matter and they could not force return or remove kids from her home. They offered a child well being visit which I could accompany them but I declined so as to not traumatized kids further. A police report was written and is on file of the incident.

I have not told X or kids of the report. If she takes me to court as she has threatened to gain full custody for the frivilous, emotionally based, laughable reasons she has opined, she will enter that court in a state of contempt.

She may have inadvertantly given me the greatest Christmas present ever.

[kml]

Can we talk just a minute about the concerns your X has? (Understanding, of course, that there's a jealousy element here over your fiancee).

But putting that aside for a moment:

If there are guns in your fiancee's house, I understand your ex's concern. I wouldn't want my children in a house with guns either, especially if perhaps they are not secured adequately.

Also - having a teenaged girl in a house with a teenaged stepbrother is also a dicey proposition. They are NOT related, and pheromones being what they are, trouble might ensue. (When I was fifteen, my teenaged stepbrother came to spend the summer - trouble ensued.)

I'm not saying either of these things are necessarily dealbreakers, BUT dismissing them as just more craziness on the part of your ex is not really fair either. They are legitimate concerns that deserve to be addressed. And they might be reason enough for you and your fiancee to just keep dating until your kids are a bit older.

[sleeper]

There are no guns in fiancée's house. There are guns in my house, safely under locked away. There are guns in X's house (re. "Dad, if you came to get me and mom had a gun and wouldn't let me go, what would you do?" Son).

DD and future stepson are both 13 and are in the, "I hate my sister/brother" stage of adolescent development. The same response she gives her own brother.

The kids ages are; 9, 11, 13, 13, 16 (three boys, two girls). How long do you suggest fiancé and I wait to wed?

It's "The Brady Bunch."

[MrBond]

Nah, your X is nuts.

[sleeper]

I agree. And who is to say people who are nuts can't experience jealousy?