On the advise of our family counselor, we had Cori's loony ex text everything to him. She would call at random times, all hours and try to fight...she would call my phone, our house phone, his work phone...
he simply started texting her back...when she would call...he would text "call at such and such a time, as per custody agreement" it was hard because he really wanted to solve things with her but she didn't want to solve...she wanted it her way...she wanted to fight
he also has a program that will download all his texts to a word documents so it is all saved on the computer...
now we have downloads of crazy just ready for the next custody date
X never responded to my last text. I took kids to her house at the time I said I would. She and OMH drove up while I was unloading vehicle. I continued unload but then OMH, who had ignored me completely (at X's instruction according to her) at our last encounter belted out a gregarious, "Hi, Sleeper!". I reciprocated genuinely and resisted temptation to comment.
X was really not herself. She had a pained look on her face the entire time and hardly spoke. I unloaded some personal things X had left in the house I now own. She did ask if a particular painting was included, called kids over to her and drew my attention to it as well.
As I left I told OMH, "See you later, (his name)". He reciprocated.
That part was kinda sad.
The bright spot was the kids on the way there, finishing my sentence when I tried to tell them how important they are to me.
They get it.
It was a good day.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Yesterday am kids both text/call because they forgot things they needed for school. I gather the things together and text X that I'll have them waiting when she brings DD to School which is only a block from my house. X never responds.
I then text DD that I have the things and will be waiting for her. One of the items is DS's glasses. I walk down the block in time to see OMH dropping off DD. I give DD her things and then I hand OMH DS's glasses and ask if he can drop them off at DS's school.
Two and a half hours later (10AM), X texts saying she just saw my message. I tell her I gave DS's glasses to OMH and asked him to take them to DS. X responds, "great,thanks".
6:30PM I text DS. He informs me NO ONE BROUGHT HIS GLASSES TO HIM. In addition, he and DD are "home alone" and he's doing his homework WITHOUT GLASSES.
I text X asking where his glasses are. She responds she just arrived home and gave them to him.
I'm not happy but the texts documented what happened.
Since X nor OMH can't see fit to get DS's glasses to him and DD attends a school one block from my house that she arrived tardy to class today, maybe the kids should live with me, "for the sake of their education."
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
I just realized its been one week since the "C" X took kids to told me she can't talk to me about my own children. At times over the past week I have bed. Aware that I was emotionally hurt, so to speak but the impact may have been greater than I realized. I'm having stomach problems that have persisted for several days now. I haven't experienced such since DD was sexually assaulted and that makes me believe they're stress related to recent events.
I, as many on this board from the comments I have read, never dreamed I would be in such a situation this far down the line.
The fact X has threatened to take me to court to take my children away from me (she's adamant she's not) is surreal.
I'm sick to my stomach (literally).
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
One thing you learned here is that OM does not think DS having his glasses is as important as you do. SO - if you want something done right - do it yourself. Take the glasses to son's school - don't ask him to do it.
Don't nitpick the things she is doing wrong with the kids - no parent is perfect. But document them. Just in case you need that info later.
It's not about keeping score - even if she plays that way. It takes 2 to Tango.
Letting some of it GO is better. If she doesn't think she is pulling your strings - she will drop them eventually.
But stick to your guns on the really important stuff - like custody. This is the most important. Keep the rest of it business. And keep your opinions (about her and OM's behaviour) to yourself. From the kids I mean. I think they must feel like they're in a terrible Tug Of War.
Sleeper. Are you going to continue this fight until you're what, dead?
The stomach issues are a sign, my friend. You are WAY to emotionally into this.
You can keep going until you're dead or maimed emotionally and physically, or you can figure out what's truly important, and what you will truly do or NOT do regardless of what the ex has to say about it.
You're getting into details you don't need to get into. The big picture focus is far more important and the kids well-being.
You can't argue or win every battle even about the kids, nor should you. But you can ensure that overall they are fine and that you are around to help them
Make some choices here Sleeper. Don't sweat it all...
Al
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I know its had an emotional impact on me. I'm sure its hit X as well. Last week was rough and I think I was just a little raw Tuesday when the glasses thing happened. X looked miserable Monday when I took the kids to her. I think me saying "no" and enforcing that boundary when she thought she would take them early (whenever she wants) impacted her.
Ill be OK
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
You might want to touch base with the counselor again, about what she can say and can't. You are one of 2 parents, and should be informed of her professional opinion as to the state of the childrens' minds and well-being, as well as informed/educated on how best to mitigate any detrimental effects they are having. She can refer you to another C, just for you, if she feels that it is warranted and would help you in helping and dealing with the kids.
She might not be able to tell you specifically what they talked about (who they are angry at at the moment, for example), but you should be told about their overall mental health.
