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Nblost #2296729 11/06/12 01:26 AM
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You'll find a lot of them in Surviving the Big D lol.

kml #2296846 11/06/12 02:48 PM
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some are there in surviving the big D. Some moved over to other sites such as marriage advocates and marriage warriors. Some have support groups on FB. We all keep in touch. This site like the others is smart in knowing that not all marriages can or should be saved so they offer a place for people to communicate on the next stage in life. But this site does not let people communicate directly with each other. I agree with their thoughts on this. This is a perfect ground for EA's to start due to everyone being so open and emotional here. I wish they would change the rules a little where if two members wanted to contact each other they could pm and ask and get each others contact.


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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I was realizing I should probably move over to surviving the big D. The affair piece of my situation has really faded into the background. At this point, I'm just trying to deal with H in a way that enables me to best move on with life.

Agreed on personal connections being a little dangerous on this forum...and I think it's nice that we can all post without worrying about any of that stuff.

I sent H a list of our assets last night and a proposed split. Not surprisingly, I got no response. The good news is, I really think we could divide things without it being too difficult.


M 44, H 46
D11, D9, D5
Married 12 years
PA confirmed 9/2011
I filed 3/2012
H moved out 7/2012
Nblost #2304251 12/03/12 01:29 AM
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Just an update. I'm on a flight back from a girls trip to SC...enjoyed myself and great to connect with an old girlfriend from college.

H had the kids. He hadn't been home for Thanksgiving (due to work) so he was looking forward to time with the kids. He volunteered to do a few things around my house for me while I was gone, so that was nice.

H is taking the kids on a 9-day trip after Christmas. I assume it's with OW since I doubt he'd take our 3 girls by himself. He hasn't told me where he is taking them yet although I assume it's out of state and so he will need my permission. He hasn't told the kids yet either. I am feeling very detached about the whole thing yet of course I am still somewhat worried about my kids (and they still don't understand his relationship with OW and her kids...) But, that's his problem.

H hasn't reacted to my propoosed asset split. I will likely need to force things through my attorney.

I am doing okay. There are still ups and downs...but I feel more and more like I am on the right path.

Hang in there everyone...definitely some hard situations on this board.


M 44, H 46
D11, D9, D5
Married 12 years
PA confirmed 9/2011
I filed 3/2012
H moved out 7/2012
Nblost #2312983 01/08/13 07:07 PM
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Quick update. I discovered some texts last night on my youngest daughter's phone (she shares an account with H). The texts were between H and OW. I'm really so far past the snooping phase that I just looked at them out of curiousity about their relationship. I won't confront him with any of this.

The texts were just from a 5 day period over Thanksgiving. The two of them had gotten into a fight after OW got drunk. She said some unforgiveable things to him...yet in the end, he forgave her. (She can't remember what she said and she didn't want him to tell her...so I don't know what it was). She texted suicidal thoughts to him in the aftermath and she just sounded like a ridiculously selfish woman.

I'm posting this just because in the height of the affair crap...it's so easy to believe the OP is better than you. From everything I have read, they usually are NOT...and I now really believe this about OW.

I'm glad I know she's selfish and pretty psycho...my kids went to Mexico with them for a week over Christmas...but I will be careful about letting my kids spend time with her. (Luckily, she lives 2,000 miles away).

Sadly, I can see a scenario where H wants back into the marriage (he has never actually wanted a divorce). I can't see a scenario where he is happy with her long-term. But, after 18 months of this? I really think it's too late. I guess it's possible that someday he could prove himself to me again...but I now know I deserve a lot better.

I hope everyone had a good holidays! I let H celebrate part of Christmas Eve and Christmas with us (me, my kids and my parents). Then he took the kids with him to visit OW and go to Mexico. I took a couple day trip with the guy I've been dating and then saw a number of friends. The day before H got back...I was out on a run by myself and truly felt the happiest I have felt in a very very long time. I really feel like I'm finding myself again.

There is hope...but this is a long road...


M 44, H 46
D11, D9, D5
Married 12 years
PA confirmed 9/2011
I filed 3/2012
H moved out 7/2012
Nblost #2313649 01/10/13 08:40 PM
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Some guys love drama and gravitate to women with the "crazy-eyes". Yuck!

My friend was dating a semi-famous guy who had a history of having dated famous crazy women in the past; it was funny, because he kept trying to make out her behavior as crazy or wild, when she's really quite down-to-earth and calm - but it was like he WANTED her to be a crazy woman.

kml #2387866 09/24/13 05:30 AM
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Just a quick update...and maybe to give some of you hope...my H told me he broke up with OW last month. He now wants to try again...however, I think I am done. I guess for me the detachment phase worked too well and H seems like an immature kid. I am happier now than I was when we were together.

That said, I still wish we could be together for the kids and financially....but I think that desire is more based on fear than doing what is best for me.

If anyone remembers me...I'd be curious if my apathy surprises you.

I will say its nice if/when the affair ends just to know it was all ridiculous.

And, no regrets on confronting, filing for divorce and drawing boundaries...you have to have respect for yourself for your spouse to ever respect you again.


M 44, H 46
D11, D9, D5
Married 12 years
PA confirmed 9/2011
I filed 3/2012
H moved out 7/2012
Nblost #2387887 09/24/13 12:52 PM
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Hmmm, very interesting nblost. Even though my H is still in the A right now, I find myself with a little case of apathy too.

Because he is not the person I remember or would want to be with right now because of his behavior, i.e. immature kid, not appealing.

I don't think it's unusual as you are trying to protect your heart and feelings. H would need a lot of work before I would consider being together again. Too many things we both need to work on as a couple.

Maybe a vet will post with some better insight. I am glad you are at a better place - sounds wonderful.


Me:49 H:47
S: 16
T:27 M:25
My EA: 2001
His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013
Separated, but H still in house

Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.


Nblost #2387915 09/24/13 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted By: Nblost


And, no regrets on confronting, filing for divorce and drawing boundaries...you have to have respect for yourself for your spouse to ever respect you again.


Yes, you do, Nb, as you still have to live with YOURSELF, no matter what happens with your MARRIAGE. I respect your stance.

Try to give grace to your husband, and leave the door open. Somewhere down the road, he may begin to show himself to be a man of consistent character and quality again, and who knows?? Maybe you'll feel differently then.

But no, it doesn't surprise me. This forum (and others) is littered with the stories of LBH spouses who eventually became the walkaway ones, as their spouse's infidelity caused them to lose all remaining respect for them. Marriages harmed by infidelity can -- and do -- turn around (mine did), but most with unrepentant affairs that last much beyond six months or so seem to do irreparable damage to the marriage, at least in the immediate term.

Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Ive been all over the place, not sure where to post. I've known about H's A a year plus now. not sure how long it was going prior to BD. We are separated. he does his thing. I do the kids. I've been lied to. I have kept things amicable for the kids. Recently told H,I will no longer make excuses to kids why h doesn't call them back or text.usually, I'll say well dad is working or you will have to ask him. our youngest is handicapped so (I think) h will stay in the picture but of course it is already becoming less and less. have not instituded a visitation schedule. My next step. Getting tired of the disrespect, disregard, h has shown our family.


M48 H50
M21 T26
S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old
PA confirmed 7/2012
H separates 9/2012
H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY
OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
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