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Joined: Jun 2012
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Hi everyone...
It has been a little while, but I actually found out that my husband was, in fact, having an affair. I'm pretty shocked, but I guess it kind of makes sense now.

I went to the old apartment to pick up furniture, which he knew about. I needed to use OUR old computer, and I picked it up and opened a different browser than the one he had open, so as NOT to be perceived as "snooping." The first thing that pops up is a chat with an unnamed person, in which he is telling her how "erect" he is going to be when he sees her and how much he loves her and stuff. I scroll down, and there are chats that are similar from months before we were even separated, so I guess that this has been going on for a long time.

I basically confronted him and he came home and kicked me out of the apartment. I demanded divorce papers, asap. And if he thinks I'm going to pay for any of it, he is going to be very disappointed.

I honestly no longer feel motivated to try to use divorce busting techniques... I feel good about myself right now, and I don't feel like I want him back. It does suck that he would do something like that to me, and outwardly deny it (I had suspected it and asked him directly, and he got defensive and told me it was a hurtful question), but, yeah, looking back, he really wasn't that great.

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Sorry for your pain. Time to start a new chapter......hang in there.


H 51, W 46
no kids
T 22 years
M 17 years
ILBNILWY 2/10
1st D talk 6/10
partial recovery
W files D 5/11
long distance separation 8/11
moving forward on D 10/11
legal separation complete 1/2012
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Hi sophie,

My heart goes out to you on this revelation. You are not the only one going through this, many have unfortunately had to come the same conclusion including myself. I applaud you for what seems to be a calm demeanor in the face of this. Don't do anything crazy, I lost my cool when I found my W out and it cost me dearly. I understand how you are feeling, only you will know when you have had enough.

I wanted to share what I feel is the most helpful info I have ever received on this board, maybe it will help you too (it is from a man's perspective but you get the drift).

Originally Posted By: Vorlon

1. You are the prize
2. You are a good man that any good woman would want
3. You can't change the past
4. If your W is unhappy that is her problem to deal with
5. If you have issues, fix them but not for her
6. There is always someone else who will apprcieate you
7. There is always someone else in worse shape than you
8. If you want to be happy fix YOU first. You can't fix her.
9. Decide if you want to be married to the alien that has become your wife..If so, why in the world would you want that???
10. The sooner you get your head on straight and realize you can handle life without your current wife. The sooner you will get the wife you want and deserve. That may or may not be your current wife.
11. The pain will not go away or lessen until you face these things and take action.
12. It is all up to you. You decide how long you suffer. This is not negotiable.


Keep your chin up and know everyone is here for you in your quest for happiness, with or without your H. Good Luck!


me 38
W 30
T 3
M in 05/2010
Separated 08/2011
Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8
I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5
Anxiously waiting on the judge!
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No amount of I'm sorry can take away what you must be feeling right now.

but I am sorry

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Sorry

Unfortunately having an OW is part of the script.
It really is what is mostly EXPECTED.

A divorce is still not going to end everything.

I would say that you will still have work to do.

Is that what you really want?


Me-68, D35,S34
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sorry to hear about what you have been through. your pain is something we have all felt - and so we're here for you.

i hope you will continue to post here and get the much-needed support that we all need no matter what our decisions are

take care of yourself.

you said he threw you out of the apartment - do you have a place to stay? or are you back there again.

zig


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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Sorry sophiedaphne to hear about this pain. We are all here for you


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
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So sorry to hear about this, SD. I recall the same pain from my past and it felt like the floor had been pulled out from underneath me. I hope you are surrounding yourself with friends right now.

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Thanks, everyone, for the support -- it is much appreciated.

I do have my own apartment now, so I did have a place to go; unfortunately, I guess this means I'll never really be able to see my two cats ever again.

I do feel like the divorce is something that I really want. I also do feel like I need to work on myself, but I don't think I really want him to be a part of my life when I do work on myself.

It just [censored], and I just never believed that he'd do that. Apparently his last girlfriend cheated on him, and I heard how heartbreaking and horrible it was for him... It's funny how easily he was able to do it to me.

Anyways, I'm just taking it one day at a time... I have some really great things to look forward to and I have been working super hard at my job, and overall, things are going well, I think, so I'm pretty happy at this point and realize that I don't need him to be happy.


Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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