Earl, ain't it dark, wrapped up in that tarp?

[LolaL]

Ah yes I find myself back at the boards.

Life is going well. I have met someone new, although that was more than a year ago, and he has recently moved in with me. Yep, it's that serious, M word serious, although we are in no rush. He is wonderful, I am in love with him, he is in love with me.

So why do I want revenge?

This can't be healthy.

The thing is, I am glad the Stupid German left me. I am really happy that I am not married to him, and that I have found someone so much better for me.

I don't love the Stupid German. I don't hate him either. When it comes right down to it, I have no feelings for him or his wife.

Except that I would like to see the both of them, not dead, but hurting. Teach them a lesson.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the fact that after five years, I have allowed someone to get close to me again. D is nothing like SG. And he gets it because he had an XW who left him for an OM.

But lately, after not even giving the SG a second thought, I dream of the day I can have his ass deported. Or making up a fake female and sending letters to his wife to break up their marriage. It is the anger that I feel, and I am trying to deal with it. But it is also not specifically directed at either one of them, which is odd. Although they seem to be the target for my anger, it is not them but the situation that pisses me off more than anything.

But even more confusing is that I would never go back to him. I haven't even emailed him in more than a year, have no desire to catch up.

But I think part of it is the fact that these two individuals were so thoughtless, and although I have no idea if they are happy or not, I want them to be punished for the destruction they so carelessly committed, and it seems so unfair that they can walk away and be married and happy while I had to struggle to pick up the pieces. And I know the best revenge is living well, but if they can't SEE you living well, what is the point?

I sound like an idiot!

[whatisis]

Hi Lola, although your life is going well and on track there will still be times when the past crops up and bites you in the butt. Something may have triggered it. Could it be he commitment aspect of your present relationship? In the last one you got hurt. Could be some feelings of vulnerability going on there. But, I suggest when you have the thoughts of revenge you just acknowledge that they are there and let them go. Thoughts are just that, they come and go. If we give certain ones too much attention they will grow and become troublesome. If we acknowledge them but don't give them power, they often just fade and can be written off as a blip in your development.
Btw, living well should be for you...and you don't sound like an idiot

[mishka422]

You definitely don't sound like an idiot. I have a fantasy still about confronting the broom and bi!ching her out just because I think it would make me feel better. Of course, I ran into her and ran like a scared rabbit so.....:)

How about using the stop sign technique when those thoughts crop up. You know it worked before, use it again!

[LolaL]

I think I just needed to know it was still normal. I think it does have something to do with opening myself up to another relationship, and Denny is a wonderful guy. I am very lucky. But there is also some self doubt, I thought Andy was a great guy too, and in the end turned out to be a total tool. Of course, I also learned what to look for as well, so I guess I shouldn't beat myself up too badly!

[DaddyLongShanks]

Ah yes I find myself back at the boards.

Life is going well. I have met someone new, although that was more than a year ago, and he has recently moved in with me. Yep, it's that serious, M word serious, although we are in no rush. He is wonderful, I am in love with him, he is in love with me.

So why do I want revenge?

This can't be healthy.

The thing is, I am glad the Stupid German left me. I am really happy that I am not married to him, and that I have found someone so much better for me.

I don't love the Stupid German. I don't hate him either. When it comes right down to it, I have no feelings for him or his wife.

Except that I would like to see the both of them, not dead, but hurting. Teach them a lesson.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the fact that after five years, I have allowed someone to get close to me again. D is nothing like SG. And he gets it because he had an XW who left him for an OM.

But lately, after not even giving the SG a second thought, I dream of the day I can have his ass deported. Or making up a fake female and sending letters to his wife to break up their marriage. It is the anger that I feel, and I am trying to deal with it. But it is also not specifically directed at either one of them, which is odd. Although they seem to be the target for my anger, it is not them but the situation that pisses me off more than anything.

But even more confusing is that I would never go back to him. I haven't even emailed him in more than a year, have no desire to catch up.

But I think part of it is the fact that these two individuals were so thoughtless, and although I have no idea if they are happy or not, I want them to be punished for the destruction they so carelessly committed, and it seems so unfair that they can walk away and be married and happy while I had to struggle to pick up the pieces. And I know the best revenge is living well, but if they can't SEE you living well, what is the point?

I sound like an idiot!

Who cares what they see? What matters is that you found someone who appreciates you for you. Never do anything to get their reaction, that is a waste of your time.

Once you get to a point where you no longer have these thoughts, and you are happy with your new life, your new way, your new man you will be completely satisfied.

[mishka422]

Definitely not! Just being conscious of it and trying to get a handle on it is a healthy way of looking at it!