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WenikiTiki #2266676 07/30/12 09:38 PM
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I sure did have a nice weekend, Wendy. Glad you had a nice one too. The weather here has been great, so I've been able to go for walks, with friends, alone, or with friends' dog (I'm doggy sitting for a couple of days). There's a river nearby with a pathway, and it is a really nice walk. I hardly even thought about my H, I am that detached.

Have a good week.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe #2267936 08/04/12 04:56 AM
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I have been so darn busy, I've kept up on other threads, but haven't had much to say on here.

My new anti-depressant is working great. I ABSOLUTELY can tell I'm taking it. I am feeling a million percent better.

I haven't wrote a lot about the goings on in my house, because it is none of OW's business. I have thought about the whole situation long and hard. And realize I have been letting her and STBXH take up way too much of my thoughts.

I actually am looking forward to being alone, with no one to worry about but me. They are a page that I have turned, they are no longer my concern.

I attended a big dinner party last night and had both the 4 star generals ask me where STBXH was. I just said he and I were getting divorced and I was on my own now. Both their wifes are my personal friends. I didn't elaborate, just stated a fact. I got my own invitation to the retirement dinner and STBXH was
only invited to the change-of-command.

I was feeling icky yesterday, and by the time the dinner was over, at past 11:30 I was really sick. I spent the morning in bed and am hoping this crappy cold, sore throat uck just go away soon. I feel like the person in a Niquil commercial.

STBXH gave me his cold medicine, but I react badly to those and will be wired for sound if I take it. (There is a reason why they use it to make meth with.......)So it is hot tea with honey and hopefully a milkshake for dinner.

Aloha,

Wendy


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
WenikiTiki #2267963 08/04/12 11:19 AM
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I hope that you are feeling better soon.

Glad to hear that the ad's are working. Yes, your stbxh and ow have been taking up a lot of space in your head w/o paying rent.

Rest and drink plenty of fluids. It's time Wendy took care of Wendy for a change.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2268087 08/05/12 03:17 AM
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I am still so sick I forgot to write about the big decision I made the other day..... I got my hair cut into a rather extreme hair style. Short in the back long in the front. I have curly hair and just get tired of it. It is fun and spunky and most of all DIFFERENT! My 5 year old granddaughter was not pleased. The 3 year old thought it looked nice......

This whole experience of having to recreate myself is difficult. And sometimes a new hairstyle helps.....

Anyway, Aloha,

Wendy


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
WenikiTiki #2268119 08/05/12 12:52 PM
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Wendy,
I am so sorry to hear that you are still sick. Apparently there is something going around here too and people have been sick for up to two weeks.

A new hairdo? That's great and I'm sure you are finding it easier to take care of as well as something different. As long as you like it, that is all that matters.

Please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
WenikiTiki #2268231 08/05/12 11:01 PM
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Hey Wendy - why don't you think about the experience as the opportunity to BE everything God breathed life into you for. All of your experiences and choices, everything you already ARE all contribute to what you have now to build on. You are not recreating yourself, because you already are perfect and divine and created!! What's going on now is that you have the opportunity to be everything you already are (which is a pretty spunky, gorgeous, loving woman) and build on it. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water sister-girl.

Re transitions and hair .... OMG...in so many cultures around the world, cutting your hair as a part of the ceremony of transition is fundamental. Widows shave their heads when their husbands die in parts of India, mothers and fathers shave their heads and body hair when a baby boy is born in parts of the Pacific, Australian Aboriginal people have strict ritual about who can cut who’s hair and who can touch the cut hair (hair is considered so powerful by northern saltwater Aboriginal people that it must be burned so it can’t be used in black sorcery. (and Britany Spears had a breakdown and shaved her’s all off …arguably just in time for the hair-drug test she was due to take, but still a provocative example of a hair cut in transition!!! Haha)

A healer once told me our hair carries all our memories. When you think about it, our bodies rejuvenate themselves all the time, our skin flakes and apparently we get a “new” skin every 12 months or so …. But our hair, particularly if it’s long, can be with us for years. Cutting your hair short is the ultimate personal detachment from our past – and I can just imagine a gorgeous curly long in front bob is a perfect way to continue creating yourself into the stylish, loving, smart, creative, independent woman you are destined to continue to be.


V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Walking #2268302 08/06/12 07:25 AM
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Funny Walking, my sister keeps telling me that she wonders what I would have done as an artist without this last 12 years of waiting for the other shoe to drop from my STBXH. And she has been thru a divorce and more recently the death of her 2nd husband. So I listen to her, because she has a grip on reality I sometimes lack!

My sister always thought I was going to take the art world by storm. She thinks I have been wasting my talent. Now I also have a big fan in my DIL and several members of my quilt guild. And when they give me compliments I feel like I don't deserve them. I am working on that.

This DB stuff is teaching me so much about how to deal with all the people in my life. For example:

When people give me compliments in public. I had this mean little gal who has (I'm guessing) many issues of her own interrupt the president of our guild who was bragging about my great class she attended. The mean gal wanted to say that you can learn indigo dyeing by going to the library or searching the internet.

In the old days I would have been hurt by her grumpyness. Now I see that other things have made her mean. And I was able to validate her, right then and there. I responded that that was a good method to learn, and that I viewed my classes more as a workshop where we can share different things we have learned.

Another example is the other night my neighbor called me at 7 in the evening to tell me his dogs were barking because of people going up my driveway. And disturbing his wife. I didn't tell him his dogs bark all night fairly often and seem to be barking at the wind blowing through the trees.

I let him vent. And it turned out his wife had had a masectomy that day, and was trying to sleep. And he had a lot of anger and no where to put it. I let it run off my back like water off a duck. And I promised him we would keep the noise down on my side of the road. He never calls me. And I have called him, and vented to him in the past. So when I saw an incoming call from him I knew it must be something.

The good part about all this learning about how to deal with other people is you come away from these interactions feeling better, not worse, about yourself.

Well it is bedtime here. I need to get my sleep so I can keep getting over this cold.

Aloha,

Wendy


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
WenikiTiki #2268369 08/06/12 02:45 PM
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It's a beautiful thing, isn't it.

It's those moments in my life that help me know deep within my soul that I will be OK.

Actually even better than OK.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
labug #2268426 08/06/12 04:40 PM
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Hey Labug!

I want you to know that no matter how much I downsize to stay in Hawaii, there will be a guest room in my house. And my DB friends will always be welcome to come test my tour guide skills!

I actually program all the tourist destinations into my Garmin, so I can loan it to visitors. And last night was making a list of the things I want to do weekly, monthly and yearly. Because Oahu is so beautiful, I sometimes forget to revisit the hot spots. Like Hanauma Bay..... Or Diamondhead.

Today is STBXH's birthday. Being as he was the only person who gave me a card this year, I will give him a card. And a small gift and make him his favorite birthday dinner tonight. The kids and grandkids are all coming over.

I will do this because one of his big problems in his life has been a problem with birthdays. He has hated them since his 27th birthday.I believe only a therapist will ever be able to get to the bottom of this with him. So I will just recognize the day for him. And not worry about anything else.

Heck, I'll probably celebrate his birthday without him in the future. His birthday dinner of choice is Cornish Game Hen. Which I am now a master at making. I'm trying to keep all my good memories. And his special birthday dinner has become an August 6th tradition almost equal to Thanksgiving in our house.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
WenikiTiki #2268931 08/07/12 10:52 PM
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Last night went well. The kids DID NOT want to sing the Happy Birthday song to their dad. But the grandkids did, so we did, I just put a "?" candle on his cake.

I ended up not getting him a gift. I gave him a shoebox card. Same kind he gave me for my birthday. And I have just been not talking to him, except to answer questions.

After the kids left he asked me about getting the house on the market. I find it a bit disturbing that I can be so deeply depressed, mired down in my world and HE DOES NOT HAVE A CLUE!

I told him I am doing what I can. I am. I pick out a few tasks a day. In the old days I would have had it done 20 times over. Evidently I really am bi-polar. And my manic phase is no where to be found when I need it. My doc actually told me I am bi-polar 2 which is not the normal kind. Anyway, it explains a lot about Artistic me.

My new AD med is helping. But leaving me a little tired. Funny thing is that I have heard people say they don't like taking AD's because they take out the highs and the lows. I can feel the low being taken out. But I feel pretty happy at appropriate times.

When one of my kids or grand daughters says they love me, I feel good. When I complete a task I feel happy. Anyway, looks like I'll live!

Now I have another thing I'm hung up on. Should I change my last name back to my maiden name? Or keep the name I've gone by for 32 years? Make up a whole new name? Get a tattoo? Okay, just seeing who has read this far.

(If I do ever get a tattoo it is going to say: "Rookie Mistake".)

Anyway, would like to hear name stories. My DIL thinks I should keep the family name.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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